I'm plummed dry. Nothing. Zip. Nada.

I have no idea on where to go from the chapter I have posted.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/56247/Of-Olden-Times-Long-Past%3A-An-Introvert%27s-Perspective

The main problem for me is introducing the characters to an unfamiliar body and environment and convey shock in realistic fashion. I am dead stuck here.....

The introduction is here below.

“Ughhhhh.... Thy wishes not for daylight Tia...” Luna grumbled, shifting herself on her lovely silk bed in a vain attempt to get comfortable. It certainly didn't feel like a silk bed though. For one, whenever she tried to shift either too far right or the left side of the bed, Luna felt the cold touch of metal press against her, furthering the Princess's discomfort. To add to that, the air smelled of some kinda of antiseptic, almost with a hospital like quality. It didn't help that she had a pounding headache that was drilling it's way into her skull.

“Gah.... Next time we deal with a spell matrix, I will have to train Twilight Sparkle before hoof... Confound this pounding headache, it must be that damned avian's doi- EEEYAH!” Without thinking of the consequences, Luna opened her eyes, only to be blinded by a bright light.

“Grrrrrrrr... I'll get you for this Tia.....” Luna growled, squinting as her eyes adjusted to the intensity of the beam of sunlight that was shining directly in her eyes. Slowly, her headache eased to nothing, allowing for coherent thought to dominate once again. Luna absent mindlessly tapped her hoof against the metal railing in thought. Something didn't feel right though.. She just couldn't place her hoof on what though. Figments of her memory from yesterday's events took it's sweet time in rearranging itself.

“Okay, Twilight Sparkle and thyself had perfected a method of tracing down this source which observes thy presence. We then constructed the necessary spell matrix, which led to.... Wait...

Spell Matrix..... SPELL MATRIX!”

Suddenly, all the pieces of the puzzle came together. The preparations, the nagging presence, the avian.
Luna's vision also became clear during this instant, which only addled her even more as her eyes shot open in shock.

****
Then it ends.

The problem for me is that I am not quite sure as to how I am going to get the feeling of shock across to the reader. Sure, my imagination is just fine when reading, but when reading, POOF!, all my creative juices just die right there. I just don't know how the reader is going to envision what I type up, thus I am stuck on seemingly trivial pieces of the story, all without making any headway.

Anything that I contrive seems.... Ugh, mediocre.

Dialogue is also a problem. The river flow here is jagged, unnatural and broken.
It's a menace that I need to have tied down or lest it breaks what little of my creativity remains into shattered glass.

Well, what you have so far sounds good. I'm by no means an expert on these things, I just enjoy reading. I read your intro here before the rest of what you've got typed, and I must say, the shock was evident. If you feel it isn't, go over the top. Not throwing Luna's confusion in the readers face, but throwing the new things in Luna's face. Remind her of the changes to her surroundings, and then show the reader how she slips up. You don't need to explicitly state the confusion for your reader to understand it.

The dialog doesn't feel all that lacking. Bit short, yes, but you've got one pony talking to themselves. There's not much to say. It's not that jagged, by the way. We have Luna waking up from something, still tired and somewhat delirious. Having her thoughts jump around very rapidly makes sense.

If you can't seem to get the creative juices flowing, then perhaps try writing something else for a bit. Sometimes you need to write something else, get your mind off the main story. Other times you just need to write it out and force yourself past it. If you know where you want to go, and you know where you are, force a line between them. You can always go back and change it later.