To The Membership: Please spare no amount of passive aggression or gossip, these are key tools for our efforts

Statement as of 4 December 2012:
Bronies
Over the past few weeks, I've learned to look past “bronies” uppity manuscripts. I've learned to look past some of the inhumane things “bronies” have said. I've even learned to look past their attempts to infringe upon our most important human rights. But I cannot stay silent about “bronies” incomprehensible and unforgivable audacity regarding a specific event that recently occurred.

This is exactly the sort of scandal that most people understand and appreciate. It's what opens people's eyes to the reality that Fimfiction's most recent recalcitrant claims (viz., that they seek to advance goodwill in accordance with the will of the people) are a tissue of lies, bias, and emotional manipulation from beginning to end. I'll stand by that controversial statement and even assume that most readers who bring their own real-life experience will agree with it.

“Bronies” personal interests in seeing their precepts shoved down people's throats is childish, but that's to be expected of them. They have let their sappy feelings obscure reality. Enough said. The worst kinds of prudish, eccentric nutcases there are are often found at Fimfiction's elbow.

One might consider this the ongoing unconcealing of an alethic truth, but “bronies” believe that we can all live together happily without laws, like the members of some 1960s-style dope-smoking commune. Sorry, but I have to call foul on that one. In order for us to realize more happiness in our lives we need to understand that when bronies was first found providing the pretext for police-state measures, I was scared. I was scared not only for my personal safety; I was scared for the people I love. And now that “bronies” are planning to popularize a genre of music whose graphic lyrics explicitly urge uncontrollable, sniffish egotists to peonize and enslave their critics, I'm undoubtedly downright terrified. “Bronies” secretly have been scheming to wreck our country, derail our civilization, and threaten the human race with extinction.

“Bronies” truly believe that they are able to abrogate the natural order of effects flowing from causes. It is just such fatuitous megalomania, libidinous egoism, and intellectual aberrancy that stirs bronies to destroy our moral fiber. Do they truly support freedom of speech and loving tolerance, or merely seek the insidious spread of pedophilia and other depravity? The answer is not obvious because bronies have certainly never given evidence of thinking extensively. Or at all, for that matter. Rhetoric aside, instead of taking the easy path in life, the downward path, we must choose the upward path regardless of the pain, suffering, and sacrifice that this choice entails.

Fimfiction
Rather than engage in a point-by-point response to the textual interpretation of Fimfiction's inclinations, we need to respond to the more general issue at hand. The issue here is that Fimfiction is too oleaginous to read the writing on the wall. You may be wondering why semi-intelligible, sexist busybodies latch onto the tenuous statements of Fimfiction staff. It's because people of that nature need to have rhetoric and dogma to recite during times of stress in order to cope. That's also why Fimfiction's mordacious obiter dicta are bound to have a chilling effect on free speech.

We decent folk should feel hurt, outraged, and embarrassed. Why should we feel hurt? Because Fimfiction’s primary goal is to prevent us from sleeping soundly at night. All of its other objectives are secondary to this one supreme purpose.

Why are we outraged? Because Fimfiction staff have been going around saying that Machiavellianism is absolutely essential to the well-being of society. That's nothing but a furphy. The truth is that Fimfiction claims that its arguments are intelligent, commonsensical, and entirely consonant with the views of ordinary people. Predictably, it cites no hard data for that claim. This is because no such data exist.

And why are we embarrassed? Because before Fimfiction mods repeatedly claim that a richly evocative description of a problem automatically implies the correct solution to that problem, it should do some real research rather than simply play a game of bias reinforcement with its myrmidons.

I personally have absolutely no idea why Fimfiction makes such a big fuss over criticism. There are far more pressing issues that present themselves and that should be discussed, debated, and solved—issues such as war, famine, poverty, and homelessness. There is also the lesser issue that the facts simply do not support the false but widely accepted notion that you and I are objects for Fimfiction to use then casually throw away and forget like old newsprint that's performed its duty catching bird droppings. If you can make any sense out Fimfiction's pouty vindications, then you must have gotten higher marks in school than I did.

The "facts" Fimfiction agents have often stated contain some serious distortions. Some are blatant, others are subtle. One of the most beggarly is Fimfiction staff's discussion of actions against a certain reviewer group. Fimfiction's claim of benevolence requires a willing suspension of disbelief, an ability to set logic aside and accept any preposterous notion that the mods throw at us. Fimfiction's long-term goal is to withhold information and disseminate half-truths and whole lies, thereby assisting the “brony” plague. I hate to break it to you, but down that path lies only heartache and tears.

Fimfiction mods frequently insist that we can trust them not to respond with hyperbolic and uncorroborated accusations and assaults on free speech. This lie of its cannot stand the light of day, and a few minutes' reflection will suffice to show how utterly sophomoric a lie it is. Nonetheless, in order to convince us that its ebullitions epitomize wholesome entertainment, Fimfiction often turns to the old propagandist trick of comparing results brought about by entirely dissimilar causes. Fimfiction's grand plan is to hoodwink people into supporting “bronies” and acting against their own self interests…I'm sure Mao Tse Tung would approve. In any case, Fimfiction's real enmity against us comes through in its policies and advocations, which it uses to plunge the whole of Christendom into wars and chaos. That's not something that we learn in school—though it should be. That's not something that we emote about while watching movies and TV shows—though it should be. What it is is something that tells us loudly and clearly that Fimfiction staff have been trying desperately hard to make the case that a book of its policies would be a good addition to the Bible. Sorry, Fimfiction, but I must respectfully disagree. My counterargument is that by brainwashing its users with caciquism, Fimfiction makes them easy to lead, easy to program, and easy to enslave.

Fimfiction staff try to distance themselves from the depraved riffraff and mean-spirited instigators that bully innocent users. However, they see nothing wrong with making use of management practices that spread ruin widely throughout society. Ah the sweet, sweet smell of hypocrisy.

Fimfiction is an organization utterly without honor, without principles, without a shred of genuine propriety. That's why I say that its claims to sound judgment, unerring foresight, and sagacious adaptation of means to ends are not only an attack on the concept of objectivity but an assault on the human mind and civilization.

I'll do what I can to revolt against Fimfiction and the MLP fandom, and each of you reading this should do the same. As you might have suspected, we can never return to the past. And if we are ever to move forward to the future, we must stop this invasion of “bronies” and reinvigorate our collective commitment to building and maintaining a sensitive, tolerant, and humane community. We can start saving the world by joining this group.

In other words: THESE HORSE SCOUNDRELS MUST BE STOPPED