First things first, before anyone points it out, I have already read the thread: https://www.fimfiction.net/group/199126/meet-the-ocs/thread/210952/some-warning-signs-that-your-oc-is-op

Second, this idea came to me mostly under the influence of the manga genre I frequently read, where the protagonists are isekai'ed (sent to another world, either physically or via reincarnation) and gain powers beyond what residents of the new world are capable of.

Finally, this is actually a first time I'm seriously trying to create an OC, so forgive me for any bigger blunders I might make here.

The project itself, it would be a story of Anthro-version of the canon, with the addition of my OC:
- Name: Haze
- Gender: Male
- Species: Dragon
- Design/Appearance: no wings, slightly muscular, trained, tall, copper scales, spade-ending tail
- Abilities/Powers(if any): martial arts, basic magic, magic fire, dragon fire, some organic abilities of HTTYD's dragons, blacksmithing, gunpowder weapons
Backstory: Haze is a young dragon living in in dragon lands, living just like the rest of his kind, up until his Molt, where instead of a pair of wings he gets magical powers, like a unicorn's in a way but more wild and stronger, afterwards he's shunned by other dragons his age by being wing-less, he meets an old Diamond Dog a the edge of the dragon's territory, and the old Dog would teach him a few things, like how to fight (martial arts), how to make some weapons etc.

Generally, the story about Haze would be with him starting out as a human that dies and gets reborn in Equestria with bits and pieces of his old memories coming every now and then, giving him some ideas on how to use his powers and abilities based on shows, books and other stuff he can recall from his previous world. As the story progresses, he gets more and more involved in the canon events, first from the sidelines and slowly moving towards the center.

Also, I'd like to mention that this would be a Mature/NSFW story, where my dragon would get on good terms with quite a few girls, ponies and dragons. If I were to point a shipping it would be mostly with Ember and Smolder, the latter aged up to at least 16-18yo. It wouldn't be a full harem but more like many one-night stands. Anyone familiar with CANON BOOK adventures of the Witcher will understand what I aim for here.

The OP factor here would be many unique skills Haze uses, in addition to the power that resides inside him and which he'll call forth after effort and in dire situations, similar to how Goku was in original Dragon Ball and at the beginning of Dragon Ball Z. He would sometimes manipulate his magic like a Saiyan would their Ki (how Gohan was teaching Videl flying), use it to make various versions of his dragon fire, with diversity like in "How To Train Your Dragon" (Deadly Natter's magnesium fire, Changewing's camouflage and acid[corrosive stomach acid], Night Fury's plasma blast etc). There is also an option of using the magic how they do in "Fairy Tail", but that would come much later in the story.

I'll appreciate any constructive criticism, as well as advice regarding all aspects of this new OC. I just ask for open minds and keeping any non-constructive comments to the side. I won't condemn anyone for their opinion (unless you literally insult me and my idea with non-cultural language) but please, don't go overboard with it.

Well, let's see what we have here.

The project itself, it would be a story of Anthro-version of the canon, with the addition of my OC:
- Name: Haze
- Gender: Male
- Species: Dragon
- Design/Appearance: no wings, slightly muscular, trained, tall, copper scales, spade-ending tail

Okay, good so far - Anthro can be more familiar a form to write for than feral; I don't see it as any sort of issue, so long as the story's good.

- Abilities/Powers(if any): martial arts, basic magic, magic fire, dragon fire, some organic abilities of HTTYD's dragons, blacksmithing, gunpowder weapons

Oooh. Ah, o... kay, then. We'll start here.

Having a wide range of abilities may seem like a good idea - and truth be told, it realistically is - but having such varied AND powerful abilities takes away more of the means for readers to relate to the character. After all, most people don't have even one fantastic ability, let alone more. You don't want to alienate others by making the character so powerful, they don't have any commonplace struggles and problems.

[SUGGESTION] : Maybe make a long-term goal list for the character, and slowly work those in as things they discover along the way, or perhaps something they get rewarded for some difficult task. It's okay to have a list of things you WANT them to be capable of, but consider having the character work up to those abilities instead of heaping them on at the beginning. Besides, it could be just as fun telling the story of earning those abilities instead of having them handed (taloned?) to them in chapter one.

Backstory: Haze is a young dragon living in in dragon lands, living just like the rest of his kind, up until his Molt, where instead of a pair of wings he gets magical powers, like a unicorn's in a way but more wild and stronger, afterwards he's shunned by other dragons his age by being wing-less, he meets an old Diamond Dog a the edge of the dragon's territory, and the old Dog would teach him a few things, like how to fight (martial arts), how to make some weapons etc.

This is where you could stand for a bit of trimming, so to speak. Making such a drastic change to a dragon isn't invalid, but the results seem to outweigh the struggle - which sort of negates the issue in every way except one (socially), and that's only with his own kind. A character's flaw isn't a flaw when there's several means of negating it easily available to the character - and readers will pick up on that, which means it takes away from any sympathy a reader might have for their situation.

[SUGGESTION] : My thought would be that he may have been born with stunted or extremely weak wings, maybe even with wings but no membranes so they look like big, skeletal hands on his back. And also, you could use the route above as a slow entry into what they can do; maybe they're born with the wing problem, but they don't discover their magical potential until they're a teenager, when the story picks up? They accidentally cast their first spell and start exploring from there. Make it gradual; nobody masters anything in a day, and if they can - well, that's OP/Mary Sue territory for a reason.

The rest of the idea sounds fair; Diamond Dogs got a raw deal in the show, and it's good to paint them in a better light. (Like one of my own characters, heh.)

Generally, the story about Haze would be with him starting out as a human that dies and gets reborn in Equestria with bits and pieces of his old memories coming every now and then, giving him some ideas on how to use his powers and abilities based on shows, books and other stuff he can recall from his previous world. As the story progresses, he gets more and more involved in the canon events, first from the sidelines and slowly moving towards the center.

Writing to a specific popular genre or fad can be tricky; if or when the craze dies down or shifts, you may still be stuck writing in the older style and find yourself disliking your own story or trying to change it to fit the New Flow. But part of writing is also changing those rules a bit, and going with the results of those changes; if done well, ANYTHING can be pulled off in a story & still be believable... or at least plausibly impossible.

[SUGGESTION] : If you're going to use this particular idea, make it your own by putting a twist on it that makes it different, but the same. Something you haven't seen in this particular genre yet, but works in other stories or examples - if you think about it, I'm sure you can come up with a different angle on this particular base idea, and stamp it with your own particular flavor.

(Mine's more of a Mint Chocolate Chip flavor, with a twist of lime.) }:D

Also, I'd like to mention that this would be a Mature/NSFW story, where my dragon would get on good terms with quite a few girls, ponies and dragons. If I were to point a shipping it would be mostly with Ember and Smolder, the latter aged up to at least 16-18yo. It wouldn't be a full harem but more like many one-night stands. Anyone familiar with CANON BOOK adventures of the Witcher will understand what I aim for here.

Believe it or not, I'm not going to try to discourage you from this, if it's what you want to do - I'd make sure to CLEARLY TAG it correctly & leave ZERO surprises for readers to accidentally stumble upon. And of course, grab a Thesaurus, because they'll have hundreds of different names for different body parts and actions - it's basically the All You Can Eat Buffet for word-devouring minds.

[SUGGESTION] : There's a number of ways you can approach this angle, really: If you're looking for some 'quickies', I might not suggest a serious and dramatic angle with relationships or sex - funny or blatantly dirty would both work, however (in some cases, simultaneously). So if you go this route, consider how it's approached as well as what's going on; serious relationships should have a serious take, while quickies or One Night Stands do better as simpler, more fluid narratives so as not to confuse the True Love aspect with the Truly Lovin' It aspect, so to speak.

... uh-huh-huh-huh... uh-huh-huh... 'fluid'... uh-huh-huh uh-huh-huh-uh-huh-huh...

The OP factor here would be many unique skills Haze uses, in addition to the power that resides inside him and which he'll call forth after effort and in dire situations, similar to how Goku was in original Dragon Ball and at the beginning of Dragon Ball Z. He would sometimes manipulate his magic like a Saiyan would their Ki (how Gohan was teaching Videl flying), use it to make various versions of his dragon fire, with diversity like in "How To Train Your Dragon" (Deadly Natter's magnesium fire, Changewing's camouflage and acid[corrosive stomach acid], Night Fury's plasma blast etc). There is also an option of using the magic how they do in "Fairy Tail", but that would come much later in the story.

Okay, here's where you have the part that makes me shake my head, but I'm not here to discourage you... so let's see if I can make this constructive for you, because communication is the best way to bring change for the better. Insults only drive you away from what you want, and even though I am fully capable of such, I'm not a mean-spirited person.

[SUGGESTION] : My advice here would be to FOCUS. Choose ONE particular path and develop it from there. When a character has no discernable limits, then it makes every possible struggle or problem pointless - work to define those limits. Even on a long-term basis, having TOO MUCH power can make character growth impossible, because there's nothing they aren't capable of. FOCUS the idea of what you want - bottom line - for this character. Then, believe it or not, aim for the bottom of the barrel; building up to being powerful is SO MUCH MORE of a story than being that way from the very start. Consequences, possible loss, pain and regret are thing we experience as humans as a result of going through life, trying to grow; as horrible and traumatic as the hardest times in our lives can be, we wouldn't be who we are today if we didn't survive them and grow wiser from the experience. Having too much power ROBS a character of the same trials and tribulations that make a good story...

I mean, if Frodo could've just walked to the volcano and tossed the ring in, nobody would have read the damned books - it's the tale of GETTING there that makes the story great, NOT a single character's abilities, superpowers or magical force. So I'd HEAVILY suggest you focus what you want to see in ONE direction (at least for the first book), and work on the slow build-up as opposed to starting a New Game +, effectively.

Hopefully, this is what you were looking for, and you've got some food for thought now. Good luck with the story, and remember to NEVER stop trying to do better.

Excelsior.

}:D

7831331
See, this is EXACTLY the kind of constructive criticism I was looking for, and I am very grateful you took your time to give it to me. Thank you

As for your advices, to me it boils down to one simple rule: Don't Rush!
You are right, giving the guy all the abilities from the start would be simply bad writing and boring, I know that myself. The way I was envisioning it, Haze's struggle would come during his Molt, where just like Spike, he would struggle with the changes coming to his body, and the Diamond Dog master I mentioned could appear rescuing him from a Roc. Amazed by what that old dog could do, but too prideful to admit it, Haze would want to learn from him, but that desire wouldn't appear before finishing his Molt. When he appears without wings and gets ridiculed by both peers and adults alike, that's when he wants to get stronger and asks the Diamond Dog to teach him, humbled by being unable to ever fly. As for it being only a struggle with his own kind, remember that dragons aren't exactly well welcomed in Equestria, with how skittish ponies are, and griffons would immediately pick on him, sensing a weakling of a dragon they don't need to be afraid of if they are in a group, since he wouldn't be able to chase them in the air.
And believe me, only when the encounters with females are meaningful that's when I would put a quite effort for the steamy scenes, while quickies would be left to the imagination of the reader, the kind that appears when reading "Haze looked at Spike with tired eyes, while the younger purple dragon took notice of the towel around his friend's waist and some bright blue streak with rainbow hue suddenly disappearing through an open window" - something like that, just to give a quick example.
As for developing his abilities through the story slowly, that was also the plan, not to spoil too much, but I do intend for Haze to leave the dragon lands and start living independently for a few years (might add a time skip) before encountering ponies and getting involved with some of the canon events, still need to decide which ones I should start from.

Again, I thank you for your suggestions and criticism. If you have any more I'll be happy to listen.

7831303
I love that my ancient rant post has somehow become required reading

If I could add anything to Randimaxis' very insightful suggestions, you might want to drop the bit about martial arts. Dragons in FiM are depicted as very strong and durable, so you could easily have your guy do unarmed physical combat without any official training. There are a couple advantages to this approach. First, the attention of a master seems like special treatment, even if the abilities he gets as a result are mundane. You could still have the mentor character, but have him provide encouragement and wisdom instead of martial arts. Secondly, if you never explicitly tell the reader that the protagonist is good at fighting, you can cast the first few fights like he's expected to lose, which would help build tension and make his eventual victory more satisfying.

I think you might find the blacksmithing and gunpowder are not needed once you explore magic and brawling. However, if you do use them, might I suggest that you add them last. Perhaps Haze is getting pretty good at melee and magic, and gets over-confident. Then he gets into a fight with someone he can't handle, and loses badly, just barely escaping with his life. Now he realizes his talent isn't enough, and turns his mind to invention to make up the difference.

7832305
Your article regarding how to avoid Mary Sue trap when creating an OC was quite inspiring and very helpful. I really don't have any experience in creating OCs, thus I found it very enlightening.

While I have mentioned martial arts, I was more thinking in terms of hand to hand combat. No fancy kung-fu stuff, the master would just teach Haze how to throw a punch, a kick, where to attack, how to block, stuff like that. The Dragon Lands aren't as mild as they are in the show. There are many dangerous beasts and individuals, since they are pretty close to both the Badlands and the Frontier (the land of that town from the movie), thus additional skills on how to survive, especially during the Molt, will come in handy.

Also, because this will be an Anthro story with potential of NSFW scenes, I decided to give primitive clothes to the younger generation of dragons. They wear primitive leather clothes, like a barbarian society, up until a certain age where the dragons would grow into the known forms and most lose all clothing. The leather comes from a certain type of warthog, an ironhide warthog to be exact, that young dragons would hunt down and eat their meat, while turn the hides into the clothes. Dragoness also like to wear some gold accessories, while drakes clearly prefer makeshift armors made from iron and such.

So, as you can see blacksmithing would actually be pretty well known among the dragons, even if it is more a crude work of melting the metals and simply shaping them with your own claws, or pounding it with your fists. The gunpowder thing is a skillset of the old Diamond Dog, as he uses guns to protect himself from threats. Haze becomes interested in that stuff because he loves how "those round black balls" explode. The life-threatening experience comes when Haze has to fend off a Roc during his Molt, and gets saved by the Diamond Dog with said guns and explosives.

If you have more suggestions or questions, please share them with me. I find it that when someone else is also engaged in my thinking process, then ideas simply come down to me in large quantities. Still, thank you for your attention.

7832333

Your article regarding how to avoid Mary Sue trap when creating an OC was quite inspiring and very helpful.