(WARNING: Lots of Reading Ahead!)

Hello. I'm Sir Jones, but my real name is Joseph. And earlier this year, I attempted to take my own life. I hope that you all don't mind that I made this post, I just really feel that I need to say this.

Anyways, I suppose you could say that what drove me to try and kill myself, was utter confusion and hopelessness. I didn't understand the validity of life, and I was heavily burdened by the pain & sorrow of others and the feeling that my life was just one big repetitive cycle. Everything just seemed... Pointless and opaque. I wanted release from these things, so I turned to suicide.

Although I don't remember the date (It seems like it happened forever ago), I do remember the details. Everything went as normal for a Tuesday morning. I woke up, got dressed, ate, and began to trek through town to school with my brother. Only, before I left, I decided to grab a belt.

As we walked, conversation was stiff. My brother would ask some things and complain about school, but all my responses were short and emotionless.

If only he knew that I had my thoughts dead set on an action I'd come to regret.

Eventually, when we made our way to the sidewalk closest to the school, I decided to act. I told my brother that I needed to go back, and when he asked why, I responded with a lie, that I forgot something at home.

I ran all the way back to the Town Cemetery, a place we regularly crossed to get to school and back. I was searching for a tree with a low hanging branch, and when I found one, I ran to my home to acquire a lawn chair, to assist me in my... Endeavor.

And During my sprint back home, I happened to notice my father's car driving by. Time was certainly passing me by. So I hid, realizing that my younger sibling must have notified the school and our parents that I did not arrive, and were probably looking for me. All the more reason for me to hurry.

Quickly, I grabbed the closest chair and went back to the tree I discovered. I planted the chair below the nearest branch, tied my belt around it, and put the makeshift noose around my head.

And then, I heard a voice, no, a scream from the distance, and with sickening clarity I knew it belonged to my brother. Panicking, I kicked the chair, and the gravity of my mistake came rushing to me immediately.

I really didn't want to die. Especially like this.

It was a harrowing sensation, the amount of pain I felt. It was as if God himself was strangling me, and I gripped the belt desperately to stop it. All I could do was dangle helplessly in the air as my vision began to flood with a variety of sickly pale colors, and I felt my grasp on reality rapidly fading.

And yet, I was not fated to die that day.

My little brother had made his way to me in a mad dash, breaking his limit just to save me. He knocked me off my noose, and I hit the ground, gasping for breath.

I learned a lot of things that day.

I learned that suicide is selfish, painful (in more ways than one), and that I'd only bring a lot more pain from it.

Please, if you're reading this and you're considering suicide, don't do it. I won't pretend to understand you and assume I know why you're upset. Just take it from a person who's tried; There is value in your life, more than you know, and no matter the circumstances, you shouldn't give in. Push through the suffering, and I am certain you will find reason to live.

I hope you all don't mind this absurdly long post and forgive me for my audacity to write this, and I thank you for your time.

4549714
If I could upvote this more than once I would right now.
Damn the site mods for banning my alt...
Edit: I think this should be pinned.

4549714
edit: and agreed with 4549725 Mods please for everything good and holy... PIN THIS!

4549760
You know what we've gotta do?
Until this gets pinned, bump the thread every half hour or so.

Hi Joseph,

So glad you are still here to tell us your story,

Remember, you are more precious and loved than you could ever imagine!

With much love, Annie

4549714 Powerful.

This story really shows just how much life's really worth living and I've come to the conclusion that I never want to get that feeling that I should turn back but can't like a lot of people do during suicide. Thanks for your story and damn do stories like these knock sence into people about the value of life especially me

4550302
No, that's true. It was pretty horrifying, for the both of us.

4550345
There's nothing wrong with what you've said, and thus no reason to be sorry. My brother and I were scared at the time, and you are not an idiot for making a comment on that fact.

Bump for the sake of pinning.

I've never been loved and I've never been of much use to anyone...So what I do instead is help others...

4549760
4549781
4550827

4550960

Good shit.

4549714 This is something I posted earlier, and I want to refer to the final statement of It.
"And so, you killed yourself.
But, you also killed everyone around you."

We Live...We Die...but never must we forget why we Live and why we die....

4549714
I'm a bit late coming upon this post, but I want to thank you for sharing your story. It was obviously difficult for you to do and I admire you for doing so.

I have also thought of suicide in the past and to this day I have the odd flashback. It is never a nice thing; people should never joke about this particular subject. There is always someone to talk to, including us. I hope that this reply helped you in some way or another.

I,be been at war with suicide since I was a 4 year old and am now back to thinking about since I first heard about climate change and I,m not joking about this at all if we fail to stop it then I,m ending my life