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Loganberry
Group Admin

Stars shining bright above you... ahem. We're moving into June, and that means it's time for the June FF150. (I know, but what can you do?) We had a really great entry last month, and it would be wonderful to see submissions running into double figures again. Good luck, everyone!

Here are the full rules.

Remember, there is no prize, as such, for this contest -- but if you win, you will be able to choose the prompt for the next contest. You'll also get a mention on the group's front page, for what that's worth. I have no idea how many people see that, since it's not as if I have a hit counter installed there. I probably ought to learn enough time magic to nip back to 1998 and find one, so I'm off to pester Starlight about that. In the meantime, this month's details:

Prompt: "Dream a Little Dream" (selected by last month's winner, SweetAl Belle)
Rating: E or T
Word limit: 150
Closing date: Sunday 21st June 2020, 11:59 pm UK time (world clock)

Please reply to this post with your entry. This makes it easier for me to keep track. Please do not leave feedback until after the closing date.

Entries are now open! Have fun! :twilightsmile:

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It's been years since I was in school, but I still recall the nightmares I faced on a regular basis.


What's Real Anymore?

"You're in a dream."

"WHAT?!"

"I said, can I borrow your pen?"

Twilight offers Sugarcoat the pen in her shaking hand.

"You look like a train wreck right now." Sugarcoat bluntly states.

"Today's been tearing me apart." Twilight slides her fingers through her messy hair, "Everybody's been saying 'None of this is real' or 'You must wake up' all day to me.  I can't figure out if I'm sleeping, if I'm trapped in an illusion, or even if I'm just losing my mind!!"  Twilight takes deep breaths to try and calm down, "I need water."

Twilight leaves her Crystal Prep classmates while she rubs her hands and tries to make sense of things.

The moment Twilight leaves through the door, Lemon Zest bursts into laughter.

Sugarcoat looks over to Sunny Flare with an amuse look, "What now?"

Sunny carries a smug expression, "Now we sit back and enjoy the meltdown."

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Edit: Uhh... I forgot to reply to the starting post before.

Whoops.

Here’s one I like to call ‘Sugar Plums’.


Pinkie bounced along, looking over the fields of rocks, grabbing the good ones while leaving those needing just a bit more time-out time before they were ready.

Maybe she would get that letter today.

Or not.

Or maybe both?

Nah, do or do not, there is no ‘both’.

What was she doing again? Oh, right, rocks!

Hopping back from the fields, her saddlebags full of rocks, she noticed something sticking out of the mailbox next to the house.

There was also a Pegasus-shaped hole in the ground, but that wasn’t important yet.

Plucking out the very pink and sugary smelling letter with her name on it, she flicked it open and quickly scanned the contents.

We, Mr. and Mrs. Cake, gladly accept your job application to-

Grinning from ear to ear, she shouted, “I GOT THE JOB!”

Now that was a dream come true.

But with less Dolphins than normal.

7232271
Another month slips by...

Chatoyant

“You’re sitting on my throne.”

Within a stripe of warm evening sunlight sits the throne and Luna, all four legs tucked under her body. Her eyes are closed; her body vibrates contentedly. A gentle rumble permeates the air.

She ignores Celestia.

“I see.” Celestia pauses on the top step of the dais. “Do you hear that noise?”

The rumbling stops as Luna opens her eyes – chatoyant, gleaming. 

“Noise?” she rasps.

“What have you done today?” Celestia asks instead.

Luna blinks leisurely. “I... slept. I visited Rarity’s cat. Then I came here, and slept again.”

Celestia nods. Dreamwalking. What a concept.

Luna stretches, thoughtfully. “I remember... she came here once. She… sat here, did she not?”

Celestia reaches out. “You did, Opalescence.” She strokes Luna’s head, and smiles when soft rumbling begins anew, as Luna kneads her hooves in the velvet beneath her rump. “But you didn’t purr last time.”

“Just Like He Never Left”

There’s this meadow we visit everyday after school. A place we laugh, and talk, and I watch him push his glasses up when they scoot down his muzzle. All the things that I’ve missed.

“Hey, Sunburst,” I swing my hooves back and forth.

“What?”

“Is there a way I can become a kite?”

Sunburst laughs. “I wouldn’t count on it, Starlight. Here, take this instead.”

In a spiral of sunnny-yellow magic, a kite appears. He gives it to me.

“Thanks!” I squeal. “C’mon!” I run and he follows, laughing all the while, until the kite is soaring above ground. We sit in the grass, watching it, stars in our eyes, smiles on our faces.

In bed, where I really am, I grin, lost in slumber.

A world where Sunburst never left, is the best world I can dream of. And dream of it, I do.

7232776

Remember to reply to the starting post.

7232919
*whispering oh thanks for the heads up!

7232271

Carrying A Torch


So I'm there in the forest, telling her everything, holding out my pathetic flowers as I hear myself tailing off, and she's just looking at me with that weird expression... and then everything freezes, and out steps Princess Luna.

"What is this now... five nights in a row?"

"Yeah," I say, sheepishly pawing the dirt. "Oh, Princess... she's just so beautiful, and perfect, and I keep thinking of all these things I’d say to her. But, well, you know. Whenever I actually see her, I can't say a single word.”

"I cannot overcome that obstacle for you," says Luna. "As I have told you before, the key is confidence. Stay calm, find a way to let her know how you truly feel, and these dreams will cease.”

“Does she dream of me?”

“That would be telling,” says Luna, but her half-smirk says yes. “I wish you luck, my little kirin.”

7232271
After a few unsuccessful attempts, I managed to reboot the creative half of my brain. 150 words seems very much my limit at the moment though, haha.

Muse-ic to my Ears


Lyra Heartstrings paused in the doorway and stared at the piles of dirty bowls and utensils and trays invading her kitchen. It was supposed to be her day off. Bon Bon wasn't working, which meant that Lyra didn't have to work either. And that should have meant pancakes and lazing in the park.

She cleared her throat in the floury air. "Soooo... still not thinking about the Fancy Pants contract?"

Bon Bon's head appeared amongst the clutter. She mumbled something that sounded like an apology. Her wild eyes turned pleading.

Lyra smiled, and swapped her plans for her lyre. She felt a little jealous of Bon Bon. Lyra was a Heartstrings; a muse was supposed to inspire others to reach their dreams, not search for their own.

Still, as she watched her music reached her love, and as panic succumbed to inspiration, Lyra knew she had found a dream anyway.

Rhyming might be a bit of an off-putter in contests like these, but I think I can provide a good enough story to make it work.

Lie back, everyone, and think of Princess Twilight Sparkle. (The episode, not the equine, folks.)

7232271
I've been trying to start up a 300 word story anthology about Equestria's Worst Superhero. I figured I might give 150 a try and expand it later.

Ponyville Stallion Races Park Bench Across Town Green

A high speed chase last Sunday led to napping Ponyville stallion's apprehension on a park bench outside town.

Witnesses recall seeing Ponyville stallion snoozing in the park when he magically grabbed his bench and accelerated to a gallop, knocking over a trash can and tipping an apple cart. He expertly dodged large obstacles, evading police for five minutes before setting down just past the town border.

Ponyville stallion claims he remembers little about the chase except that he was running from a pony with a propeller hat.

"Sleep magic is a rare condition where a unicorn's brain forgets to paralyze the horn. Any spells cast in their dreams get cast in real life," says Bone Saw, a neurosurgeon at Canterlot Medical. "Only a few sleepwalking unicorns suffer from it, though it usually runs in families."

All charges were dropped the following day.

Edit: Homophone correction.

7234512
You going to reply to make your submission official?

7232271

Note: Whoops: sorry, Shadow. Think that was a misclick, the Edge screen was glitching on me.

Sparkling Stripes


What beheld Zecora, in pitch-black expanse, was a purple unicorn that she'd first met by chance.

She trotted to her, face as bright with glee as the six-point starburst stamped far above her knee.

"It's so great to see you! Oh, I've learned so much, from your words and counsel - with your special touch.

But your assist during Trixie's Amulet-powered reign? It was the greatest of all, since it quashed the pain

That we both felt from our losses and time alone: You're my friend Zecora, let that always be known."

The zebra's daydream stopped, her mind again at ease o'er the knowledge that the pony-turned-princess would seize,

Through her drinking of the striped shaman’s chalky-white brew that would show her, again, what one equine could do,

When power corrupted - and with that insight, unmoor the dark vines choking Ponyville, as clouds had once before.

Alright so, again: Lie back, everyone, and think of Princess Twilight Sparkle. (The episode, not the equine, folks.)

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"What is a dream?" asked the young naive filly, as she stared up into the loving eyes of her mother, nuzzling her.

"A dream, my daughter is, it's the heart's desires as you rest you body and soul during the moon light hours. Dreams can be described in so many ways, and yet I do not know what my own is. So long I simply wished my sister to notice me, but now. Now I do not know what it is. My dream?"

"Mom...," pleaded her daughter. "Isn't your dream to be happy? To never be alone again?" she asked/

Luna giggled, and nuzzled her little one. "Oh my sweet Wishing Star. That is a good dream to have, but I don't need to dream it to know I what I have right here. I'm never alone as long as I have you." said Luna as lovingly snuggled her daughter.

Loganberry
Group Admin

Nine submissions already and it's only 3rd June! That just might be an academy record. Brilliant to see! :twilightsmile:

7234649
Remind yourself of this when you have to sit down and judge them!! :raritywink:

7234649
I should write my feedback in advance so it's not an all-day effort come June 22nd! :derpyderp2:

7234649
Question about the rules: Am I allowed to post a longer version as part of an anthology before judging, but after submission?

Loganberry
Group Admin

7234932
You mean post your submission here, then post an anthology including the longer version? Yes, as long as the story appears here first, that's fine. :twilightsmile:

7232271

The Devil's Deal

"A muffin, I guess."

The demon blinked. "What?"

"A muffin," repeated Ditzy.

"I'm offering you anything you could ever want," reiterated the confused demon.

The pegasus shook her head. "I've got everything I want. A steady job, good friends and a loving family."

"You could have jewels! A harem! Unlimited power!" The demon gritted its teeth. "Do you dream so little, mortal?"

Ditzy tilted her head to the side. "If you think having love is small, I pity you."

Inside the binding circle, the demon thrashed. "I will not see my powers used for such.. such frivolity!" With the sound of a thousand damned voices howling, it shrank back into the amulet amidst a choking cloud of brimstone.

Twilight Sparkle came out from behind the bookcase she'd sheltered behind. "Well, that's not how I expected the exorcism to go."

Believe in the dream!

"
...

This little dream of ours will last forever

To preserve the friendship our endeavor


My eyelids half close, and I stop singing. Something is off. All my friends are still at it, though. Why does Luna always sing the loudest?

Why do we always sing about our dream whenever The Princess of Dreams is around? Coincidence? I think not. And how is it even possible to ever synchronize our voices without practicing beforehoof?

My vision darkens. The singing stops and the last thing I see is Luna’s terrified face, yelling at me, “Twilight Sparkle, please do not doubt this!”

A green light surrounds me. Where in Equestria am I now?

In the back of my head, I hear Luna's fading voice, “I’m sorry, my little pony. There is no Equestria. There never was...”

I wave through a thick liquid with a hoof and touch myself. Where are my wings?

As I press my face against the soft translucent wall, I recognize a creature on the other side. A changeling!

Edit: 05 - Believe in the Dream!

Comment posted by RandomGuy101 deleted Sep 17th, 2020
Loganberry
Group Admin

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Gentle reminder: please don't leave any feedback until the contest closes. After that, feel free. Thanks! :twilightsmile:

Hm, still thinking about this one. It's proving tougher than expected.

7232271
So, I read the prompt, then reread it and the first thing that sprang to mind was the infamous Bobby Ewing shower scene from Dallas. Yep,, I really am that old.

Well Lad, It's like no Cheese I've ever Tasted


Twilight sat up in bed and screamed as a figure stumbled from the bathroom.

“YOUR EVIL! Your dead?!”

“No I’m not, though if I’m late for work again that may be the case.” The heavy set stallion muttered.

“King Sombra! Why are you in my bedroom?” Twilight slowly starts to examine her surroundings.

“Erm, husband? I’m no king, town marshal is good enough for me!”

“We’re in the Golden Oak Library, but I saw Tirek destroy it!”

Sombra glanced around the room. “Nope, still here.”

Twilight screamed again. “Where are my wings!”

“What? Think your a princess or something? You are a unicorn and my beautiful pregnant wife. I think you have been dreaming again, I told you not to eat so much before bed.”

Twilight belched something cheesy and frowned. “Quesadillas?”

“Five of ‘em.”Sombra grinned as he pinned the silver star to his vest. “Seems to be your craving.”

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You Need A Vacation


"So you said Princess Cadence was a Thunderbolt?" Said Cloudchaser

Cloud Flitter grabbed her sister's shoulders "Yeah, and everytime I touched a crystal pony they turned into clouds, it was the weirdest dream i've had in my life!"

Couldchaser shrugged off her sisters hooves "No the weirdest dream you ever had was the one about the owl and the wildcat-pig."

"Oh yeah" Cloud Flitter shuddered.

"You know what I think you're dream means."

"What?"

"It means you've been working too much and need a vacation."

"Really, where?"

"The Crystal Empire cloud for brains."

"Oh~" Cloud Flitter Said in realization.

Ok I counted the words this time it fits 😋



The Great Question Answed

The words drifted through the warm, all-encompassing light. The benevolent voice resonated through his very being.

"You have thought deeply, sought to answer the meaning of existence of life itself. I have never encountered one so deeply committed, seeking so passionately to solve that burning question. For this alone I shall grant you what you seek. I cannot bare to let the wail of your soul go unanswered. I can only convey this once, listen close truth seeker. The meaning of life, the universe and everything is-"

"Time to wake up Gummy, you need a bath before the big party, hehe."

Pinky lifted her pet up high before snuggling him tight to her chest.

"Aw he looked so peaceful, I wonder what he was dreaming about."

Fluttershy gave a small smile as she patted his nose. Gummy mutely snapped his jaws, unable to answer anything.

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A Dream of Equality

Young Starlight Glimmer was all alone. There was nothing, nothing at all around and her one and only friend was gone. If only she had another friend, whose cutie mark would never separate them. If only everyone was born equal. Another pony materialized beside her. The other filly had a slightly washed out coat and a generic hairstyle. Her cutie mark was not there. But, as Starlight watched, a cutie mark appeared on her flank… an equals sign. A bright hope came through Starlight’s mind and she smiled.

As Starlight woke up, that same bright hope shone in her mind. She reached a hoof over to her dream journal and she drew a pony with an equals sign as a cutie mark. Maybe she could found a town! It would be just like home, except all would be equal. She began to write the rules for her new home.

This is fun, a word limit I can definitely hit!

7232271
Dangnabbit, I keep forgetting about these!

Anyway, a bit of a weird one this time in that it does not, in fact, qualify for winning. You see, it comes in at 194 words. And there is simply no way I could trim it down that much. But still, it came from this, and it feels wrong to do anything else with it, so... yeah.

Windy Whistle followed her classmates back into the room in silence, a harsh contrast to her fellow student's excitement and energy. But she was always like that, just a little different than the others.

"Okay, class, settle down now," her teacher, Ms. Nimbus, said. "Now that we're back from the career fair, why don't you all share what you want to be when you grow up? Diamond, would you start please?"

Diamond stood up from his seat, his wings buzzing and a goofy grin on his face. "I wanna be one of those space-ponies!"

Windy frowned slightly. That would be too adventurous for her.

"Oh, how fun!" Ms. Nimbus commented. "You next Cirrus."

Cirrus stood up, as prim as ever. "I want to be a Guardmare."

'That sounds interesting,' Windy thought, her frown disappearing.

"And how about you, Windy?" Ms. Nimbus asked.

Windy thought for a minute. She didn't want all the danger the others seemed to crave or the excitement of being a Royal Guard. All she wanted was to help ponies be better. She smiled, her dream literally standing in front of her. "I wanna be just like you, Ms. Nimbus!"

Loganberry
Group Admin

Another tremendous entry this month -- brilliant stuff! :yay:

For anyone else thinking of entering, you have 72 hours remaining.

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Not my best but probably not my worst. We'll see.

death of a dream

Fading. 

There’s a poster on her wall. It shows three pegasi in flight suits and goggles, staring up at the sky with a smile. The stars shine bright above them, leading them on and guiding them forwards.

Derpy sighs as she eyes it. She leans back in her chair and folds her hooves in annoyance, studying the poster closely. She doesn’t know what she’s looking for: after all, she’s stared at this poster every single day. It used to give her hope. Now it just mocks her.

Fading. 

“Hey, you get in?” asked Berryshine from the doorway.

Derpy scoffs. “No.”

“What? Why?”

“My eyes. They said it’s a liability. That it affects my coordination.” Derpy growls, glaring at the poster. “Stupid Wonderbolts.”

Fading.

“...oh,” Berryshine says awkwardly.

Derpy scoffs. She rips the poster off her wall and throws it away. “Whatever.”

Gone.

Dreams don’t make a sound when they die. 

I had to miss last month again and just wanted to write something for it and then for June in the last moment before the deadline is reached. And now I am sitting here and I just can't think of anything that sounds good and I feel creatively completely blocked off. :twilightoops: I guess I'll just have to catch up on both months in July..... :ajsleepy:

Oh my goodness, there are soooooo many stories to give feedback on. Right, you're gonna all be getting... uh... one word each.

Awesome effort though, everyone!

7253142
I'm sure you'll manage it! Don't beat yourself up over creative blockage; give yourself a pat on your back for even attempting it.

Loganberry
Group Admin

7232280 7232465 7232650 7232776 7233420 7233430 7234544 7234558 7234643 7235361 7235976 7238733 7240680 7241125 7245336 7249176 7250426

Okay, everyone, your time is up! Whew, no fewer than 17 entries this month! And since last month's winner (SweetAl Belle) didn't participate this time, 16 of the 17 (all but Matthewl419's overlength entry) are eligible. I have quite some reading ahead of me! :twilightblush: As usual, I'll report back with my decision in a few days' time. You can take it as read that there'll be a couple of hon menshes as well as the winner.

Entries are now closed, which means feedback is open!

7235361
This is really, really good! Derpy is such a fun character and you really stayed true to that, but also showed that hey she knows what’s important - love. Plus it was funny:rainbowlaugh:

7253268
Yeah, figured I'd just see what everyone else came up with. I'm happy to see no less than 17 entries on my prompt, too, though I bet judging this one will be tricky!

--Sweetie Belle

:fluttershysad: Well, that was a bust. I just couldn't think of anything I felt any enthusiasm for, and then time ran out. I might still write something for this, if only to keep my hand in, but I'm disappointed I didn't make the deadline.

Since the story contained herein is not eligible, I won't link this comment to the OP like I would with a normal flashfic entry. Any potential reviewers can ignore this one if they prefer, since it's not in the pool of candidates. I'm just making sure I get something done this month.


The Dream World Record

They tell legends of the Scootaloo Track.

Scootaloo: first mare to circumnavigate the globe. On a scooter.

She scooted until the scooter broke down; checkpoint unicorns repaired it. When the scooter finally shattered, breaking her leg, she moaned and whined but got up and limped the last few yards.

So close. Most ponies clapped politely. One cheered.

Not a good enough dream. Scootaloo negotiated with actual dream-keepers: she’d become the first pony to drive from one side of the dreamworld to the other.

No one heard anything for days.

Then weeks. Then months.

Some ponies searched the dreams. Most reckoned she’d gotten lost in a nightmare. Gave up on her.

Except one.

That one was waiting for her at the finish when Scootaloo reappeared. Broken leg. Moaning. Whining. Limping. But still going.

Thereafter, they built a road between dreams. Called it the Scootaloo Track. Made it out of a rainbow.

Whoa, well done y'all, it's great to see this many participants! Here's my first blast of feedback for the first few entries.

7232280
Awwh poor Twilight! It would be funnier that the girls are messing with Twilight if we knew what she’d done to deserve it? Or - we’re meant to sympathise with Twi, perhaps. I can’t remember enough about Crystal Prep characterisation… I guess I’m left feeling like it reads that I’m supposed to find it funny like the Crystal Prep girls, but I’m actually on Twilight’s side. I don't know if that was intentional? Thanks for writing and sharing. :)

7232465
It’s a bit disjointed. The pegasus-shaped hole and the dolphins are lines that don’t go anywhere. Nevertheless this is cute! My fave line was “... grabbing the good ones while leaving those needing just a bit more time-out time before they were ready.” Rock-farming always leaves me scratching my head with amusement. How do they know when the rocks are ready?! Thank you for writing and sharing. :)

7232650
Plagiarising again… lul. Gotta be careful not to use this line too often…

7232776
I really don’t have anything to nitpick, I just like this. Starlight’s backstory still inspires thought. It’s poignant. Thank you for writing and sharing. :)

7233420
So I don’t know who the kirin is or who the subject of her (his?) affection is (my lack of season knowledge ey?), and those unspoken references feel like they could be part of the draw of this piece. I like it and think it’s cute nonetheless! It fits well with the Luna we saw dreamwalking in the show. I always like seeing her acting as a guide and mentor to other ponies. :twilightsmile: Thanks for sharing.

7233430
Of course I like this. I don’t know about everyone else but I’m weak for some soft kitchen baking. And I like this idea of Lyra being a muse with her music. Kudos for writing this - super glad to see you back in the comp! Thanks for sharing. :)

7234544

Ponyville stallion claims he remembers little about the chase except that he was running from a pony with a propeller hat.

Haha, I laughed at this. Sleep magic?! This is a good concept. The style of a newspaper article really suits this challenge in my opinion, and yet it had never occurred to me before reading your piece. Nice! Thanks for writing and sharing. :)

7234558
Wow you cover a lot here, I'm impressed. Writing rhyming dialogue is hard, so I commend you for trying with this one - I’ve always avoided Zecora for this reason. I think structurally it would have worked with the sentences shorter, so the rhymes were clearer. I was originally reading this as sentences so I missed how I was meant to be reading it. Like: 

What beheld Zecora, in pitch-black expanse,
was a purple unicorn that she'd first met by chance.

This is a good experiment, thanks for sharing! :)

7234643
Oh the idea of Luna talking to her kid about what dreams are is good, but then segueing into talking about how she already has her dream? Super sweet. There are some typos and punctuation errors and unnecessary repetitions of nuzzling but the core is very sweet. Thanks for writing and sharing! :)

16 eligible entries this month. Whoa nelly... Good luck reviewing that lot.

7253818
aw, thank you! The kirin episode is one of my favourites from season 8 and I don't want to spoil it - suffice to say that they are a race of unicorn-like creatures, and when we meet them they're physically unable to speak or express emotions. At least, not while they're awake...

7253844
I've recently started finishing the series off so I guess I'll be watching it sometime in the next few weeks :yay:

7253818
Well, the hole in the ground was a reference to how clumsy Derpy is always depicted, and the dolphins was a reference to that episode about Sweetie Bell where she sabotages and later fixes Rarity’s dress.(Fixing it by putting a Dolphin design on it)

7253818

Well, originally I'd considered separating the rhyming words by backslashes, but thought that if it went with as few symbols interrupting as possibly that it'd read better as a story. I do admit it is my first time with this, but I'd hoped the pentameter was to your liking.

7253861
Ah, I see. Unfortunately the references were lost on me this time around, and I don't think these ones contribute much in a story this short - but that's just me. Take from it what you will. I hope this doesn't come across as me disliking the overall story, because that's not true - I did! :)

7253944
Fair enough, I can understand that reasoning. And all feedback should be taken with a pinch of salt. I did enjoy it overall! :twilightsmile:

7253960
To be fair, they were very unrelated references.

Mondays were made for feeeeeeedback. 🎷Before that though, a huge 'Thanks for writing and sharing your work' to everyone. It was a lot of fun reading these.

7232280
I admit I had to read this through a few times before I got the ending, though that probably says more about me than the story itself. It was funny enough, in a malichevious kind of way, but I did feel as though I was missing some wider context. Still, I'm sure the meltdown was spectacular! :twilightsmile:

7232465
Ah, this was nice. I kinda want to read about Pinkie trying to fill out a job application now. I'm glad she got the job! I agree with Astrarian in that some of the sentences are dead ends, which did leave me wondering about the ways the story couldn't have been strengthened utilising them better.

7232650
I sort of got what was going on here, and at the same time... I sort of lost it. I like it, and it's well written, but I guess it's gunning for brains that are more sophisticated than mine, aheh.

7232776
This has got the whole nostalgic reverie down pat; I very much approve. I personally think a polish on some of the sentences could have bought you more words to smooth out the occasional roughness, but it manages to feel quite believable regardless. I enjoyed reading it.

7233420
There's a lot to appreciate and enjoy here. I'm not sure I got the character nods (even though I think I've seen the kirin episode - my brain has truly failed me this month), and I think doing so would have meant I'd enjoyed this more. But it's romance, and I very much dig romance. So yeah, appreciative noises all round.

7233430
Oh to have had a few hundred words more. Par for the course with me, I guess. This'll have to do though, cramped as it is.

7234544
Nice effort at trying something a little different. It was certainly fun reading a micro story with a strong stylistic twist, and I think the cute lore here is something you could build upon in something bigger.

7234558
Nice. Another bold effort at doing something different within such small confines. Some of the couplets hit home better than others, mainly because the metre is occasionally off, and I agree with what Astrarian said in her comment. That said, I nevertheless enjoyed this, and hats off to you for tackling Zecoraverse in your entry.

I'll continue with the rest on a fresh comment so I don't start filling up the page with one long piece of super waffle!!

Feedback part 2...

7235361
I like this exchange. Like, really! It’s sweetly amusing and has a nice message. However, I became confused by it being an exorcism rather than a summoning or an accidental “whoops I put on an amulet and now there’s a demon offering me the world”. I may just be simple, maybe that would be the same thing to most, but to me it would make more sense. I think the joke could be tweaked accordingly. Regardless, I like this a lot. Thanks for writing and sharing.

7235976
Ooh. Ambitious! I did not fully get what’s happening (Twilight’s a changeling (or locked in up changeling goop being turned into one) dreaming of harmony in the hive mind, I think?--but I don’t fully understand whether Luna’s role is as a representation of Twilight’s self trying to snap her out of it or something from the changelings trying to keep her inside the dream). However, I really like the eerie atmosphere in the piece, especially “I’m sorry, my little pony. There is no Equestria. There never was...” The reveal of the changeling made me reread! Thanks for writing and sharing.

7238733
This title immediately made me want to watch Wallace and Gromit, so thanks for that. :D 

“YOUR EVIL! Your dead?!”

Sorry to point it out, but I’m surprised your typing program didn’t detect this grammatical error (your vs you’re). It stands out since it’s the second line of the fic and the reader’s eye is drawn to the line due to the use of capitalisation.

There’s definitely comedic value in the idea of Twilight waking up to discover Sombra is her husband and not an evil undead king. I think this needs more room to breathe than 150 words gives. I was searching for more to it underneath, for instance if Sombra is using his magic on Twilight in the real world and these are her fears, which could be comedic or sinister. Or both… expand for a dark comedy? Thanks for writing and sharing!

7240680
On the one hand, I loooove sisterly interactions. On the other, I’m not sure what the tone of this is: comedy or serious? I wasn’t sure if Cloudchaser’s suggestion of going to the Crystal Empire was a joke riffing off Flitter’s dream or if she was being serious so I didn’t know what to make of the ending.

"No the weirdest dream you ever had was the one about the owl and the wildcat-pig."

I want to hear about this dream! Thanks for writing and sharing!

7241125
Gummy’s existential words were one of my favourite things about Slice of Life. So I think this is great! And then we didn’t get an answer to the great question?! I dunno why but this particular combination of build-up and then totally not answering the question just really tickles me! Fab. :rainbowlaugh: I went in on you hard last month in my feedback and I regret my tone there. That said, this entry is much tidier, thank you!

7245336
Another Starlight origin fic! Her backstory is still interesting to folks… It’s a good concept, and I thought the title was very strong. For me, the story itself would have been stronger if either 1) her dream wasn’t literally a dream that Starlight then wakes up from, or 2) it was only a dream and therefore had some more fantastical imagery/elements to brighten it up. By concentrating on one paragraph or the other and expanding that, you’d have the words to really bring that section to life. Thanks for writing!

7249176
This is so nice! Good teachers are the best. There’s something about the simplicity of the line “That would be too adventurous for her” that I like a lot. I’m glad you shared this with us even though it’s technically too long to win (I had a go at cutting it down for fun - it was tricky! I got to 153, and the cuts were severe. So close!). Thanks!

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Oh, I really like this. I feel for Derpy. It’s gutting when you lose a dream. And I feel for Berry too, as sometimes it’s so hard to know what to say when your friend’s plans don’t go as they intended. Sometimes, you just need room to be angry and disappointed. This captures that. Thank you for writing and sharing this!

7253781
Glad you put something in for the prompt even if it isn’t eligible. This is a very interesting concept, though I don’t think I understood entirely what you were going for. I read it a few times. I would like to see it with more words so I can fully understand just what you are building. Thank you for writing and sharing this!

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