Review: Dragon Lord Ember Skips Work for an Hour - My Little Reviews & Feedback

The Bricklayer

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The Bricklayer #1 · Mar 29th, 2019 · 1 · ·

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TDragon Lord Ember Skips Work for an Hour

The mighty Dragon Lord Ember slips away for an hour, to meet up with her secret mate.

The Cloptimist · 3.1k words · 216 9 · 4.6k views

Okay, romance. I’ve written a few stories on the subject, I admit. Never entirely sure if I’m skilled enough on the subject, though it’s really a subjective genre like anything else. Anyways, enough about me. I’m here to review this story.

A romance story, from an author titled ‘The Cloptimist’ with no clop? Heresy! I kid of course, nice to branch out here and there.

The basic premise is this, Ember’s got a secret lover on the side. And one who’s not a dragon at that. Nope, fellow royalty in King Thorax. A somewhat common ship, really. Mind you, it’s not like Ember’s got a lot of other suitors given the whole of dragonkind really. Aside from maybe Spike.

Anyways, my three points for this story.

Characters: 8/10:

Ember, she’s the chief focus of this story obviously, even with Thorax as a side character. I have to say, Ember’s easily the best-characterized character here, as she should be. You can feel her worries, her anxieties in the text. This paragraph, really it sums up the story and Ember’s worries, in a nutshell, I like to think.

Dragon Lord Ember snapped open her pocketwatch, and let out an audible groan of annoyance; dragons eight times her size noted her displeasure and automatically shrank into themselves, as she grabbed a ruby from a passing tray and crushed it to dust in her razor-sharp little claw.
He should have been here already.

That really shows just how Ember feels, even without saying much. She’s anxious to get out of here, and scared the other dragons will find out. She’s very also obviously lobbying for change, as she points out how her father would have let a few mistakes slide with Garble such as him not getting the sheep he was ordered to, but Ember on the other hand…? She takes no such shit.

Now, Thorax. Like Thorax should be, he’s worried to a fault, and a little bit dorky. Best shown when he starts rambling on about how the Changelings are slowly getting used to the new way of life before Ember has to silence him. And this paragraph, sickeningly sweet and does sorta give an insight into Ember’s childhood.

Ember looked at the watch. She loved to hear it ticking away at night; she'd loved the sound since she was a fledgling, its soft, almost inaudible rhythmic pulse an ever-reliable landmark amid the noise that echoed through the cavern all day and night, something she could rely on. She'd been the only full-grown dragon with claws small enough to wind it, and no other dragon had dared risk the wrath of her father by stealing it.

Story: 8/10

Now, it’s a good premise, even if it’s been done to death. Romeo and Juliet, maybe without the tragedy in the end. But it’s been done over and over because it’s tried and true. This paragraph mind you, while it might sound mushy coming from Ember… Well, the thing is it works for the story really.

...and then there was Thorax, who seemed to be made out of nothing but air and light and magic, looking so delicate that she feared she could break him if she sat on him wrong; and yet in his way, tougher than any dragon she'd ever met... and willing to die for her if need be, of that she was quite certain. Though... let's not test that theory any time soon, she thought to herself, as she pulled him close and gently nuzzled his long, graceful changeling neck.

And we all know Ember is a total tsundere anyways. Okay, I admit I have trouble separating the characters and the story with this genre, but to be fair with Romance you have to sell the relationship between the characters. Like really sell it.

Final point.

Grammar: 9/10

Now, admittedly this is just me probably nitpicking as I do at times, but I like thoughts to be their own paragraphs. Or at least have quotation marks. But all in all, it’s good.

Now, the final tally? Did a bit of rounding and averaging and all in all... Damn good work.
9/10.

Would recommend.

The Cloptimist