TSpring Break

• Equestria Girls
• Romance
• Comedy
• Slice of Life

Sunny and Twi head out for a semi-private vacation during spring break.

• Sex
• Alt. Universe
• Celestia
• Main 6
• Sunset Shimmer
• Sci-Twi

pabrony · 12k words  ·  103  10 · 3.5k views

Summary: Sunny and Twi leave for a nice, relaxing getaway during spring break.

Overall thoughts: I think the connection between Sunny and Twi is adorable in this piece. Even without having read the prequel, I can easily see how the two would connect, and how that closeness helps them to be closer. However, often at times the story will repeat things it has already said, an example being how much it tells us Twi is in heat. I understand wanting the reader to know what is going on, but a few mentions would be fine, rather than every chapter addressing it.

Creativity: This isn't a very creative idea at it's base. Sunset Shimmer and Scifi-Twilight get together. I've seen it done before, and this doesn't at least in my opinion bring much new things to the table. It doesn't leave me wanting more, but I'm also glad I was able to read it, as I feel the emotion in these kinds of stories is often what makes or breaks these kinds of tales. 6/10
Concept: You did fairly well, in making me believe in the chemistry of Sunset and Twi, and I truly felt for Sunset and what she was going through. Sometimes the silliness would take away from the sadness of the piece, not sure if intentional or not, but it works to it's advantage here. 7/10

Grammar: I couldn't find any grammar issues with this piece. You're editor or prereader did good work looking over this. 10/10

Additional thoughts: I wouldn't say this is something I would personally favorite, as I feel at times it can drag in certain spots, and the constant reminding of Twi being in heat, gets a bit redundant, but over then that, I really enjoyed the connection between Sunset and Twi. Since this is a series, and a sequel to a previous work, it might be even better if I had read those as well, but since I haven't I have to judge on what is here. 8/10

Overall Score: 8/10
Not a whole lot that I can find wrong with this, just tiny nitpicks really, but nothing serious. Oh, and a bit more description could make this even better, as it did seem to be mostly dialogue oriented. Which isn't always a bad thing. Keep up the great work, and keep being awesome~

(Note to Azure: Let me know if you like this newly adjusted style, and how I can improve to be even better in the future.)

6811702
Thanks for the review. To clarify your one point: SciTwi being in heat was supposed to be a running gag to keep it "T" since the two prior entries in the series and the sequel to it are very much "M"

EDIT:

Keep up the great work, and keep being awesome~

I'll try.

6811702
I think the style and the general review is good

Though stick with the rating format please, The score has to be understandable for the readers and has to be comparable to others, so you need to have 3 categories with a rating for each of them instead of just the overall score.

6811728
Alright, noted. Thanks!
Fixed now. xD.