TLost Muse

• MLP: FiM
• Romance
• Slice of Life

She's a dark blue pegasus with a penchant for editing. He's a green unicorn that loves the arts. Together they... get torn apart. She has important family business to see to in Canterlot, and he's not invited. Their lives continue apart, until...

• OC

David Silver · 120k words  ·  61  10 · 954 views

(Read around 14k words)

Summary:
It is a romance story between two ponies who know each other as fillies and then lost contact, but later on try to find to each other again more or less while life happens.

So what should you know about this story I ask myself? The thing is, while it starts a little bit confusing, it still manage to bring over all the necassary information you need to follow the storyline quite well. The two main characters are general interesting enough and the situations that show up and how they react to them with their specific background and quirks entertains while also feels right. Though, this story is written for a patreon of the author and therefore they don't take any risks with the plot, means it is more or less feeling like a soap opera. That is not bad in general, but I think some more untypical events would have done the story good.

However, while I followed the event that are descripted, I noticed the author had a way of writing that supports his choose for events, like how nobles behave and about family honour and such. It felt good to read that and it simple fits, more so with how well the one main character who got affected by this reacts to this. The only thing I missed during this scenes was the big surprise or the whiff of unique, it was sadly only the too expecting stuff.

I confess that was one of the reasons I only read so far, while good writtem and thought trough, the story lacks of any big surprises, which each chapter I read, I got more and more the feeling of a the plot beeing interchangeable or 'off the shelf' if the phrase is correct in english, you know, when it just flows in the background but could also be replaced with any other.

So at the end of my summary, I like to summ it up as: The author knows what he is doing with his writing and character devlopment, the story delivers what you can expect, but stays in the limitations of being a 'paid for work'.
An okayish read that can entertain, but with a lack of unique.

Pros:
Gets quickly in some good flow.
Upper class family background.
Noble society behavior written well.
Characters have fitting and plausible bahaviour.
Some side elements that spice up the story, they are partwise disgusting, but written in a way that it never comes over as such.
Comfortable chapter length.
A eye for details that improve the atmosphere of the read.

Cons:
A little bit confusing at the start.
Nothing against leasbians, but where is that comming from all of the sudden?
Very rushed unfitting 'hit on annother mare' scene.
After a while the main plot comes over as 'off the shelf' if the phrase is correct.

Rating:
Characters: 8/10 Like I said they fit very well.
Storyline: 6/10 Not bad, but Octavia would call it: "You know... standart."
Entertainment/Romance Factor 7/10 Again, I like to point out the author knows what he does with writing, though the story lacks of somethign special to remember.

7/10

6831358
Thanks for the review, but soap opera? That's kind of one of my major writing styles, patreon or not. You put a lot of weight behind my writing being 'because I was paid'. I've lost patrons because I kinda write this way and it weaves in ways they weren't expecting. I only wish you could have pressed on, since things do pick up and things start happening, since what is any relationship without being tested in fire?

Thank you again for taking the time though. I appreciate the review.

6831377
I am sorry if it came over that way, it was one of the points, not the main point of the review. Though, I think it really influenced your plot for the story that you have to keep in mind that you have to make the sponsor happy. Anyway, like I said it is not bad in general to write that way, it fits for a wide audience, though, with your level of skill in writing I just assume that if you go some new ways here and there, it would make your story even more interesting.

6831398
The main thing the patron asked that I include were the tribes of the two actors and the fact that the mare had a urinary incontinence issue. I tried to handle that with gentle seriousness, as opposed to fetish fuel or a cheap chance for toilet humor. I hope that came through alright.

6831402

Some side elements that spice up the story, they are partwise disgusting, but written in a way that it never comes over as such.

Yeah you did a great job on that. Was one of the things that got my attention, I thought at first that it was just disgusting, but the way you handled it made it accaptable in the story.

6831405
Again, thanks for the review! Good luck in your future readings.