ETo be a Breezie

• MLP: FiM
• Romance
• Adventure
• Slice of Life

Trapped in the world of the breezies, Twilight has to learn how to be a breezie and help her clan make it through the winter. And like every time learning is involved, she is quite eager

• Twilight
• Breezies

Obsi · 96k words  ·  361  8 · 4.5k views

Foreword: Well this is the second review I made for this story, (First one can be found here) I met Obsi on the Galacon this year in germany and we spoke about his story a bit more, ending in he requesting me to make a second review. So I know some people didn't like my first one for this story, but the author directly asked me for a second, so here we are.

Read till chapter 13

Summary:
Twilight want to visit the breezies in their village, but ending up being lost in an unknown area somewhere she don't know were and has to deal with being stuck in their world/area. She had tranformed into a breezy in advance for this trip so she discover their world as one of them.

I said so in my first review already, this story is very good at raising atmosphere and pull you into the scenes. It is wonderful how many great ideas the author had and how nice it feels to read them from Twilight perspective, it benefits the story that she does this in breezy form and has to learn their ways from the start. We see all kind of aspects of their life and their society, so the story takes you at hoof and shows you around. Again, very nicely done.

Also the characters the author came up with (The Oc's) are having really personality and a life besides the obvious bare minimum for the story. Some are friendly and helpfull, some are mysterious and some are just selfish or rude in my small opinion. Thats great, since it gives them life.

However, the bad sides still stay in the ongoing story as well. Again I had longer conversation with the author about this and we really talked for hours about them. He has his reasons, sure, but we are very different in our opinion about them after all. My main problem here still is that Twilight is not an Oc, she is a cannon character and mostly she stick to that, but whenever the story needs to go in a certain direction, her personality and her way of solving things change to support the story.

What I am trying to say here is, that the way the story takes is interesting and entertaining, it is a good read no doupt, but the way the story get there is many times highly questionable or blunt nonsense. I mean Twilight is the princess of Friendship, helpfull and by alligment I would say good in all spectrums from chaotic to lawful, but here she is, at some points, selfish and not helpful or friendly at all. The author told me the reasons for that and I must simple say I disagree with him.

One point must be clear though, if Twilight was an Oc of him, I would say the story is completly fine and maybe even had the chance to be the first 10/10 story I review. This way however, it is a big deal and a problem that she is not.

*

I really recomment this story, if you don't have a problem with a cannon Twilight, who acts like an Oc and makes questionable till stupid decisions to bring the story forward.

I would like to bring up one situation that should bring across what I mean, I was reading through chapter 6 till 9 and had a very good time. I read along and enjoyed the situations they faced in the story, felt with them if they was in danger and overall cared for the characters who had to struggle with all the problems. So I think we all know that feeling of reading a good story that seem to make the time fly by while you read.
But then it happend, there was a situation that revealed, if Twilight would have acted natural, so in character, all this struggles and problems could have been solved right away, all the danger they was put in was for nothing, all the problems and ways they had to come up with to fix them were unnecassary. In short the whole point of the last few chapters I had read was crap all of the sudden. More so, even the future problems was a 'we are having problem because the story need us to have them' now.

You can easily understand how that kill the reading mood I guess. That also the reason I stopped at chapter 13 now, with in mind how easily everything could be fixed now, reading about their struggles and problems was boring and more than one time I wanted to just scim through the chapters to get it done. I didn't, I read it till the end of chapter 13 and then stopped, telling the author about it and decided to make this review now.

*

Rating:

From review 1:
Rating:
Atmosphere: 9/10
Scene description: 9/10
Ideas and Entertainmen factor: 9.5/10
Characters: 3.5/10
Logic: 1.5/10

32/50 = 6.5/10 +1Point for the author trying to fix the problems that I showed them.

7.5/10

+
Review 2
Atmosphere 9.5/10 (Still the author is awesome at creating it.)
Ideas and entertainment factor: 10/10 (That is except for that main problem of mine)
Oc's 9/10 (Like said, they are good)
Main Char behavior (Cannon Char) 3/10 (It reads like Twilight mostly, but strictly decides in favor for the plot of the story)
Logic: 3/10 (Reading on, I bearely found any problems with how the world they are in works and how all comes together amoung them so more points than in review 1, though, even it went better in later chapters, the main reason for this all to happen in the first place and why it goes on are not that good.)

34,5/50 = 6.9/10

-> 7.5 + 6.9 = 14,4/2 =

7.2

oki doki
thanks for your review

6968198
Your welcome

Still I want to say it was a pleasure to reason with you about your story, even if we couldn't agree on things, it was a nice expirience. And what I told you on Galacon still counts, if you want somereviewer else to give this a look and get some feedback, feel free to do so, I really recomment Nailah for this one since it is a happy romantic story, but more serious, harsh/blunt feedback you like to have may can get by asking another one, Nailah is very friendly after all

6968199
well, I'm already having another one "on the line" who I trust to give me more honest, good feedback. Have you ever read The Iron Horse:Everything is better with Robots?
It's awesome and I referenced it alot in my earlier stories XD

6968200
I haven't read it, though a quick search on Fim showed me the story.

Alright, if you already found someone, the better

6968201
yep. Just gotta wait, he's a bit slow