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Summary: As the Seven Years War came to a close, a Prussian valet finds himself in the British Army. Though not much in his pockets, his last Master was generous enough to place him in a nearby British Dragoon regiment. After an incident, he soon awoke with Earth no longer under his feet—or rather hooves. However, even in death, one’s past may follow, be it post-mortem or living.

Follow along with his journey to see what a former valet will do to avenge his death. See Equis through the eyes of a man from the 1700s. Would he who only worked in nobles’ backstage be a force to be reckoned with? He may fail, but by Frederick II’s crown, he will make Prussia proud. Now, what will he do to make Equestria a foe to be feared by any that dares to challenge...

Initial thoughts: Going into this, I thought it would be an interesting story about pre-Equestrian war times, and I'll talk more about what I thought of it in final thoughts. But just by the summary alone, this isn't what you'd expect. You can tell it was the author's first time with a story, and it shows. It's not god awful, it's just you can tell he was still learning at the time of writing. The details in it are quite nice, considering he was a foreign speaker, it always surprises me how well they do with the English language. 6/10.

Grammar: I did see a few mistakes, nothing overly jarring, but a few misplaced commas, and a few sentences that might have worked better with a period rather than a comma. However, it didn't distract from my enjoyment of the piece, the bits I did enjoy. 7/10

Characterization: Coffee or Kaffui is our main character here, and he is portayed rather decently for someone that once was human here. He goes through questioning stage, denial, greed, and acceptance. In a way he goes through grieving with his trying to understand this new strange land. I can't say much about the other ponies he meets, besides Fancy Pants, as they don't have enough time to really "shine" the focus is meant to stay on Kaffui and if that's what the author wanted. They certainly got that effect. However single character pieces can lead to being a bit "dry" at times. 6/10

Overall thoughts: This is one of those stories I thought was going to be entirely different when I started reading it, and at certain points it can seem quite boring in it's execution with how it portays war. I'm typically not one to ask for violence but for this to be a war piece, there isn't enough blood and death. It's almost more of talk/war than actual fighting, which in a way cripples it. After finishing this story, and seeing the author has moved on to better pieces I can see why. This story had a good premise, but it didn't execute it well. It's just "meh" 5/10

Final score: 6/10
Recommendations to the author: Don't give up, keep writing. Because you can only grow from here.

7001803
Well, gosh. First, I’d like to thank you gor having the time to read it. I’m not the best at English, but I’m always open for improvements, and this helps a lot. I personally thank you.

When I first jumped into this story, I had just wanted to write something. I had the idea that quantity was what mattered most at the start of learning new things, so I picked something I was into at the time and just went with it. Geting the ball rolling was my intention, and I certainly succeeded.

This isn’t the best of stories that I’ve made, but I wanted to try out English as a new way of showing my works. My first language is rather new by lingual standards, so at times it could be constricting in what needed to be said, and I’m not exactly a master at it. But, this story has generally helped me improve as a writer, especially in how fluidity works, and I plan to keep on moving forward.

I’m still stiff, but I’m getting better. Thanks again for doing this. It means a lot to me that someone wants to make a review of it. Cheers, Nailah! Keep on reviewing so people can improve!

7001812
What is your first language?

7001902
Oh, it’s Indonesian. There’s plenty of Indonesians on this ite, actually. I’ve spotted some. We have a certain charm that can be distinguished by one another, though I can’t put my finger on what it is...

7002502
Ah, interesting