EFreak Like Me

• MLP: FiM
• Slice of Life

Starlight Glimmer has a very important question.

• Discord
• Starlight Glimmer

Lucky Seven · 2.4k words  ·  362  13 · 6k views

Summary: Starlight Glimmer, recently reformed pupil of Princess Twilight Sparkle, has a question that only one creature in Equestria can answer.

Initial thoughts: When I saw this story in the main folder I was like hmm...I don't know if I've seen many stories that focus on Starlight and Discord having interactions, and this could be interesting. And I must say for Lucky Seven they do a decent job at conveying the characters, however I do feel like there could've been so much more to this. I understand not wanting to drag it on, but to some it may seem rushed. I thought it was just right. Not so much details you are like facepalming, and not a lack of them that there is just nothing there. Overall, pretty good! 8/10

What I liked: I liked the conflict Starlight is having, and it's a very believable one. Often we are so caught up in "will this person like me" that we never actually take the first step and just say hello. I myself am very guilty of this. Often I'm afraid no one will like me, not because of my past, but because I'm an emotional train wreck. However Starlight seeks out the one person that might understand what she's going through. Discord. And I must say, he shines in this piece. I really liked the Rafki reference with the mirror, and I'm surprised there wasn't an inside joke with Discord, but the focus was where it should be. On Starlight and Discord.

What I didn't like: The start. Honestly, did we need this? You could have started it with Starlight going to Fluttershy's cottage to ask for Discord and nothing would have really changed the overall impact of the story. Not that it's bad, I just don't feel like I needed to read more of what I already know. We all know Starlight is learning about friendship from Twilight, we all know she's afraid of messing up. Do we really need to hear all of this when we could just get right to the meat of things?

Grammar: Solid. I couldn't see anything that stuck out to me. 10/10

Characterzation: Starlight and Discord are the main focus here, and Discord shines through the piece, at least the part where he's present. Granted could have been more chaos, but I understand why he wasn't for the sake of helping a friend. Fluttershy would approve. 9/10

Story/Concept: I like this idea a lot, and don't know if it's been done before. Granted you could have taken more risks then you did Lucky Seven. Like expanding more on Starlight's dilemna and internal struggle while Discord is around, or heck even talking to Fluttershy about it. But to have it all be in her head in the beginning, eh. I feel like this is normal for Starlight, because she's afraid of opening up to any pony, but she could have opened up to Flutters or Discord more than she did.

Example:
"Oh, Fluttershy...it's just so hard when you feel like every pony is starring at you, judging you for what you did in your past."

"I'm scared every time I leave my cottage, and I know it's hard, but you can't let that stop you from being yourself. You just need to go with an open mind, and a friendly smile, and things will turn out okay."

"How do you know that?" questioned Starlight.

"Well, no matter how scared I am, I know I can always lean on my friends when I need help and if I get scared, they'll help me through it, and I know how scary it can be to be afraid of past actions. There was a time I wasn't so nice. I really messed up, but it all worked out in the end."

Something like that perhaps. But still the characterization is really good here. I just felt like you could've done more with it. 8/10

Overall thoughts: It's a good story about Starlight and Discord. I don't know how Lucky Seven came up with this, but I'd love to see more of their interactions! The writing is overall, pretty good. I can't complain very much. The characters feel real, and the plot may be a bit rushed to some, but I thought it was fine. Granted more details can be nice, but aren't always needed.
8/10

Final score: 35/4=8.75
(8 +10+9+8)/4=8.75

To Lucky Seven-Keep up the good work, and I am eager to see more from you.

Great review, Naliah! I see you've been getting more thorough recently, good to see! I'm sure you'll be churning out 2k word essays in no time xD

Also, you might wanna put the example from in [quote][/quote] tags, so it's easier to differentiate from the review

7027427
Fixed. Thank you for the advice. I'm just trying to provide the best quality of reviews that I am capable of. And I highly doubt I'd have a 2k essay for a story like this, but maybe someday!