TThe Burden of Hope

• MLP: FiM
• Adventure
• Mystery
• Tragedy

Finding his conscious after what could be years of rest, a lone pony is left to learn about the fate of his home.

• Violence
• Death
• Alt. Universe
• OC

Mykola · 35k words  ·  11  1 · 257 views

The Burden of Hope is a tragic story about a now reforming civilization after a strange phenomenon ravaged that land. By not just erasing everyone's creatures' memories, but also, bringing some creatures back from the dead. (In a non-zombie-like way) Let's get into it shall we?

Thoughts just after reading: This story around chapter eight.... broke me in admittedly all the wrong ways, nearly bringing me to tears in the process. And, that's completely on me, and my fears and phobias reaching the light in story form. But besides that admitted bias, I found the story quite interesting till then, where I just had to... push through reading as best I could. Again, a fact that holds no fault to the author. So, let's get into the review itself, shall we?

Lore: 9/10: This story is absolutely ripe with lore and backstory, which honestly made me want to delve further into the world. It's alway's a pleasure seeing a writer delve into their craft.

Character/world development: 6/10 This sounds semi contradictory to my previous category, but allow me to explain. I feel the world itself needed, a bit more time to grow. Perhaps that is on me, for particularly enjoying writing, and reading slow burns stories that truely allow the world to develop well outside backstory, but... unfortunately, that is all that can really be said. I just feel the story could have used a bit more scenes's so to put it, that allowed the characters and the city to develop, rather than it coming to a head so quickly.

Cry factor: 10/10. I was basically bawling after reading chapter eight. So, you know.

25/30 = 8.3/10 Would recommend, but would warn of a quick climax.

Notes to the author: It is obvious that you put a lot of work behind your story. And for that, I can heavily appreciate that fact, but please, do not be afraid to slow burn a story that is already slow-burning. Of course, action, drama and possibly adventure has to happen eventually, which can all be solved with little sprinkles of fighting here, and conflict between characters as time progresses. But, going straight to the point in a story is rarely advised for longer stories.

I would like to thank you for taking the time to review my story!

Thank you for addressing the faults you had with my story, and I must apologise that there was a price of tears. Reflecting on it and reviewing it, I will see what I can do to avoid a similar quick climax as it has been addressed before. Again, I am grateful for you dedicating the time and energy to go through this.

Best of luck!