EThat's what Friends are For

• MLP: FiM
• Romance
• Dark

A short 'what-if' story surrounding the events of 'What Lies Beneath'.

• Alt. Universe
• Gallus
• Ocellus
• Sandbar
• Silverstream
• Smolder

The Blue EM2 · 3.1k words  ·  81  6 · 3.3k views

Summary: Well the story description says it quite clearly already, if not Smoulder but Sandbar had found Ocellus in the Three of Harmony test, what would have happened?

Well, this could be an interesting question, though with the romance tag already, we know where this is going. I don't spoil to much if I say that Sandbar and Ocellus find out they have feeling for each other. How the story shows that however, well, the first chapter is quite literally what happens in the show just in text till the middle of it, then it exchanges Smoulder with Sandbar and the motivation speech for ocellus get a bit more romance like, but that is not really much of a deal. There is simple to less surprising content or emotional raising stuff. Also the confess of feelings is quite blunt.
The second chapter however is more original and has a bit of depth with how Ocellus talks to Sandbar about her emotions and her fears and therelike, also his reaction to this and the general content of the second chapter got better, still, it is a bit rushed and doesn't really take the time to develop the romance properly. Think of it like Big Mac and Sugar Belle's first episode, it works out in the end but it is quite quickly done that they come together.

So it is not a bad story, but it should really work on the pacing and the emotions it wants to raise.

Rating:
Idea: 3/10 Exchanging once char can be cause a big deal, but it is simply not thought out in matters of entertainment or romance.
Romance: 2/10 Well, there is a romance, but it is done without all the emotions and rushed.
Characters: 6/10 Givin this is an AU fic, they more or less do what they supposed to do and act like they would in the show.

11/30 -> 5/10

Additional Feedback: I would highly recommend to slow down the romance scenes a bit and fill them with more emotional dialogs and actions. Like some hesitation before the confess, a bit of blushing here, a bit of stuttering there, such cute or reliable stuff. The story just tells you there is a romance, it doesn't show you.

7175537
Ouch. I dropped the ball on this one...

7175539
like I said, it is not a bad story, simply the romance is not really there.🐲

7175541
I'll admit I was in that state that writers often are when they're trying to get an idea onto paper. I had this idea as a result of a dream.