Summary of Story: Based on Magpiepony's Pinkie Tales: Cindershy

What if Rainbow Dash didn't play the role of the prince in Magpiepony's Cindershy, but somepony instead? Come and join us on this chaotic ride, a tale where even Pinkie & Mag don't know where this story is gonna go!

Introduction section: Hello every pony! Nailah here to bring you another review. And comes from an author I've reviewed before. I do hope everyone is managing as best they can. I find myself sitting around on my laptop trying to find ways to spend the day, and sometimes that means all I do is sit there staring at a screen. Might as well try to make the best use of my free time. Well, you're not here to listen to me ramble about me. You want the juicy details. Okay....here we go!

Initial thoughts: This story is based off another story by another author on the site. Often this can lead to a less than desired resulted. Granted, I can see where she was going with this, however as I will explain it just doesn't do it for me. It's overall decent but there's so much more it could be that it just ugh. I will elaborate more below. 6/10

What I liked: Discord. Discord is not an easy character to get right, but misskoifipony really knows how to write him to make him charming and yet so chaotic. Well still being the lovable Discord we all know. Pinkie Pie is also good here. The style of the way they wrote this almost feels like a script from a play, and that was a nice touch. Kudos.

What I didn't like: The execution. What do I mean? This is a story, based on another story, based off Cinderella. Why doesn't it work? Well simply put, there's nothing "unique" about it. You go through the same tropes, the same cliches, even DISCORD says this in the story. Granted some might find this funny and quite charming, but it makes me roll my eyes. When you are making a story that's based on something original, you have to make it your own, while keeping true to it's source content. This story does do a bit of that, but not enough that it STANDS out.

Grammar: I saw no errors here. Great job. 10/10

Characterization: I really felt Discord and Pinkie Pie both shine here. This author just gets them, and it shows. However, Pinkie might be too Pinkie for the character she was supposed to be. Fluttershy and Rainbow aren't as featured but their moments felt very in character here. 9/10

Story/Concept: A story based on another story based on Cinderella. It's "passable" by that I mean the story works on it's own. You don't have to be like me and read the other story to get what this piece is going for. That's a good sign. But it also doesn't give you enough for it to truly be it's own thing. I feel you get more the weight and feel of this piece if you've read the one this is based off, and as it's own story, it's fine. Just not a masterpiece. 7/10

Overall thoughts: I don't want to keep saying this story was "okay" so I will do my best to explain. This story does a decent retelling of a classic story such as Cinderella, but it doesn't do enough to truly stand on it's own, without needing to read the other story it was based on, to really understand the weight and feel of the story. In essence, it's a passable story with likable characters and a lot of charming and funny moments, but if you are looking for something deep and emotionally gripping, this is not it. 7/10

Breaking it all down: NEW! Alright, so when I review, I read the story, and take notes, I often don't keep the notes, they are just there for me so I don't forget what I want to say. Typically I like to review right after I finish reading that way the emotion from the story is still strong and I try putting that into my thoughts here. So basically this new section may not stay but here's my notes for this story.

Hmm...I wonder what surprises await me. Oh Discord...you sly devil you. Interesting... Really Pinkie? Okay... *blinks* So is this supposed to be a comedy? I mean it's not tagged as such but some of these lines are clearly intended to be funny. Though really Pinkie Pie always makes you laugh. Alright. So far it's okay. Still okay. Reaches the end. Meh. Not as good as "The Anicent Magnus" story that this author did. I feel this is a bit flat and weak, but overall it's decent. Not bad at all, but not great. Mediocre? Is that the word the fancy reviewers say?

NEW SECTION:
Headpat worthy: No
Boop worthy: Yes, story is decent, but I feel there's more that Misskoifipony could do to make it awesome.
Meh!: No
Cringe Level: No

Final score: 6+7+10+9+7=39/50
7.8/10

To the author: Keep writing and stay awesome. I hope my feedback here is helpful, and if you have any questions just ask! I promise I don't bite. :P

7197950
Before I begin, I just want to say thank you so much for reviewing one of my stories once again and all my deepest apologies for getting back to your review sooooo late:0 I am simply terrible and I am so sorry.

What I liked: Discord. Discord is not an easy character to get right, but misskoifipony really knows how to write him to make him charming and yet so chaotic. Well still being the lovable Discord we all know. Pinkie Pie is also good here. The style of the way they wrote this almost feels like a script from a play, and that was a nice touch. Kudos.

Daww thank you so much for all your compliments when it comes to my writing for Discord and Pinkie Pie, I get a lot of compliments for my Pinkie Pie writing (I think it's because Pinkie Pie is one of my favorites and I'm basically Pinkie Pie in real life) but this is the first compliment I get for my Discord writing:D Discord is hard to get right, and I work really hard to get him right because he's one of my favorites as well <3 So all my deepest thanks <3 So glad that you liked the script feeling to this fanfic, all my script writing for The Mare Who Became Queen is paying off^^! Lol! But I think this script writing structure and feel and the premise for this fic and other factors has lead to this justified criticism you have in this next point:

What I didn't like: The execution. What do I mean? This is a story, based on another story, based off Cinderella. Why doesn't it work? Well simply put, there's nothing "unique" about it. You go through the same tropes, the same cliches, even DISCORD says this in the story. Granted some might find this funny and quite charming, but it makes me roll my eyes. When you are making a story that's based on something original, you have to make it your own, while keeping true to it's source content. This story does do a bit of that, but not enough that it STANDS out.

I agree with you. In retrospective, I really should have focused on making something new and just saved this fic as a script for a video on Youtube. It would have honestly worked better as a parody video on Youtube. Not to mention that while writing for this fic I was on a crunch time schedule due to the fact that I was writing this for a writing event called Fluttercord Week. I'm not using Fluttercord Week as an excuse, but I do think it was something that didn't help with the formation of this fic along with my own lack of creativity for this fic and the fact that I was forcing a youtube script story to be a fanfic kind of story.

Grammar: I saw no errors here. Great job. 10/10

OMG really?!:0 Yay! That's usually what I struggle the most with when it comes to my writing, victory<3! I'm impressed that my grammar didn't suffer during Fluttercord Week, haha lolXD

Characterization: I really felt Discord and Pinkie Pie both shine here. This author just gets them, and it shows. However, Pinkie might be too Pinkie for the character she was supposed to be. Fluttershy and Rainbow aren't as featured but their moments felt very in character here. 9/10

Oh my, compliments on my Fluttershy & Rainbow Dash writing too?:3 Why thank you^^ Once again, so glad that you liked my Discord and Pinkie Pie writing and I agree I did dial up the Pinkie-ness for Pinkie Pie in this story, mainly because Magpie's Pinkie Pie in Pinkie Tales is very much Pinkie Pie dialed up to 11.

Story/Concept: A story based on another story based on Cinderella. It's "passable" by that I mean the story works on it's own. You don't have to be like me and read the other story to get what this piece is going for. That's a good sign. But it also doesn't give you enough for it to truly be it's own thing. I feel you get more the weight and feel of this piece if you've read the one this is based off, and as it's own story, it's fine. Just not a masterpiece. 7/10

Overall thoughts: I don't want to keep saying this story was "okay" so I will do my best to explain. This story does a decent retelling of a classic story such as Cinderella, but it doesn't do enough to truly stand on it's own, without needing to read the other story it was based on, to really understand the weight and feel of the story. In essence, it's a passable story with likable characters and a lot of charming and funny moments, but if you are looking for something deep and emotionally gripping, this is not it. 7/10

I agree, this is the perfect way to put it when it comes to this story. It's a decent, humorous retelling of Cinderella but it doesn't go the extra mile to stand on it's own. It really should have not been a one shot but rather multiple chapters. The reason why it is one shot is because of Fluttercord Week, it requires all fanfics to be one shots. Again, Fluttercord Week is not my excuse but the reason why I made the decisions I have made for this story. I was running on low for creativity towards the end of Fluttercord Week and unfortunately this story was the last day of Fluttercord Week story. I gave it fun, charm, and humor but clearly not enough emotion and story to balance out the fun, humor, and charm. All stories need balance, whether short or long, whether just a funny one shot or not. In other words like you said, it doesn't have enough to truly stand on it's own. Thank you for saying that it does to a certain extent, and I appreciate the generosity, but in the end really it doesn't.

Hmm...I wonder what surprises await me. Oh Discord...you sly devil you. Interesting... Really Pinkie? Okay... *blinks* So is this supposed to be a comedy? I mean it's not tagged as such but some of these lines are clearly intended to be funny. Though really Pinkie Pie always makes you laugh. Alright. So far it's okay. Still okay. Reaches the end. Meh. Not as good as "The Anicent Magnus" story that this author did. I feel this is a bit flat and weak, but overall it's decent. Not bad at all, but not great. Mediocre? Is that the word the fancy reviewers say?

Haha lol loved your reaction/thought process/first impressions section hereXD Too funnyXD Oops, fixed the tags mistake and put comedy on there:) Thank you for pointing that out, much appreciated^^ Daww thank you, so glad that you think so highly of my "The Wife of the Old Draconequus" story and that you thought of it while reading this story and that you think it's good^^ Even though such compliment was used to compare and critique against my other story aka "Cindershy's KIng", but I digress, I'll take the compliment^^ Lol! Note to self though, when submitting my stories for reviews like this, I really should submit my best work instead of my just okay work. I still like Cindershy's King, don't get me wrong, but in comparision to my other stories like "The Wife of the Old Draconequus" and "The Mare Who Became Queen", it's not my best work and could be improved uponXD. Oh speaking of "The Wife of the Old Draconequus", I don't know if you saw this or not, but three new chapters for it will be coming soon and I posted a sneak peek of what's to come on my account^^ If you're not getting updates, I'm happy to message you everytime something new happens for "The Wife of the Old Draconequus":) Just let me know:)

Boop worthy: Yes, story is decent, but I feel there's more that Misskoifipony could do to make it awesome.

Yeah I'm a boop^^! LolXD Love this scoring system, makes people excited to improve so that way they can be head pat worthy;) Lol! But I agree 100% that there is definitely more that I could do to truly make it awesome, funny, yet emotionally compelling and just overall balanced.

Final score: 6+7+10+9+7=39/50
7.8/10

Thank you for your generous score, but in my opinion, I agree more with the score you had at the beginning: 6/10.

To the author: Keep writing and stay awesome. I hope my feedback here is helpful, and if you have any questions just ask! I promise I don't bite. :P

Daww thank you for the kind concluding words and for the helpful feedback, as always, I love love your feedback & all the reviews that you do for the MLP fanfic community^^ Keep being awesome too and I hope that you're staying safe & healthy at this time <3