Memories
Written by SunTwi06

Summary: Evil. Evil is a thing that everyone has, everyone knows. Some just bring it out more than others. Sunset informs Twilight of what went through her mind while she was corrupt.

Analysis: The story is rather simple, and I have seen others go into more detail, but it's simply about Sunset talking about her mindset around her evil faze. I do give some props for the setting, but I feel like the detail and emotional value is somewhat making in my perspective. It's just my opinion though, and I do recognize that it is a well-received story. There are just a few things that could be done differently to give it a better edge.

Grammar: 7/10 There are a bunch of minor errors. Some sentences would have flowed better with a comma.

Twilight noticed that she had evaded her question. But she couldn’t just turn a blind eye.

She felt it was bad enough that the girls already knew. But Twilight was the last person that Sunset wanted to explain.

(I would have written the last part ... wanted to explain it to

Then there are areas between the sentences that needed more detail and feel out of place.

“Well, I tried to give them some interesting facts about the beach but they didn’t seem interested. I started off with talking about seashells but then they jumbled off something completely unrelated.” she laughed.I would have gone with Said with a chuckle. “Like this one, for example:”

There are also a few sentences that could be merged together.

Sunset laughed as she looked at the seashell. Twilight laughed along as well.

There's just a bunch of writing choices that could have worked better if the writer made some different choices in style.

Also, there needs to be a gap in one of the paragraphs.

Sunset looked at her with confusion, a worried frown creeping onto her face. “Tell me?”
Twilight nodded, “If you ever start querying yourself, or something is eating away at you, talk to me. Day or night, I’ll always listen.”

The plot of the story: 7/10 I've seen this idea before, and a few times. I do have to give some extra points for decent execution and the unique illustrations the writer uses.

Story flow: 7/10 There are a few parts in the story that I'd have to disagree with, namely the build-up to the revelation. I feel like Sunset revealing her past because she figured Twilight would figure it out doesn't make sense. The others don't know too much about her relationship with Celestia or even half of the events in that world. I think using the idea of guilt and Twilight's earnestness would have worked better.

The ending I would have liked better if it could have been dragged out a little longer. Talk about Sunset having one last look on the sea and describing what she saw, or maybe looking at her friends, having her think about how lucky she is to have had a second chance at like.

Final score: 21/30 7/10

This story is on par in my book. It's decent, but I wouldn't call it extraordinary. There are errors that I would like to see fixed along with more details added in certain areas. It worth a read, but for me, it's not something I'd call amazing. It's still a good story, and I hope that the writer improves over time.

7227095 Thank you for the review. My apologizes for the sentences being mixed in. I could've sworn they were fixed before hand but it's okay. I promise you my stories after this one have much better quality. Regardless, thank you for your time .