Reviewing How to Host a Party - My Little Reviews & Feedback

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Light Heart101 #1 · Jun 27th, 2020 · 1 · ·

Sunset Shimmerʼs friends realize theyʼve never been at her place. To remedy this, Sunset decides to host her first sleepover. How hard can it be?

Uz Naimat · 3.5k words · 82 2 · 1.9k views

Written by Uz Naimat

Summary: Between magical abilities, battling evil, high school studies and band practice, the Rainbooms rarely have time for simple fun. Pinkie proposes an idea: each girl hosts a sleepover every Friday night. Sounds good, right?

Then, they realized something. None of the girls have actually seen Sunset’s home before, and Sunset herself has never hosted a party before.

Sunset hopes this goes well.

Analysis: This is a rather simple story, and it had me interested a few times, but I feel rather disappointed by the lack of story here. I would have loved it if the author went into more detail in several areas, like how Sunset has gotten some of her stuff or maybe adding more struggle in her trying to assemble this party. The plot doesn't do much but provide a simple feel-good story. The devil is always in the details. This story isn't a bad read, but it doesn't offer anything new or exciting. I would have loved to see more done with this plot.

Grammar: 6/10 There are quite a few errors here, which is why it's good to find an editor who can help with your project. Here is a few errors that I managed to find.

Pinkie pouted, crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair.

Pinkie pouted as she crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair.

“Um, Sunset? We all kinda thought you were, you know, homeless.”

To exaggerate a pause, use this... and it will make it seem like a pause more than commas. There are several instances when the author used commas instead of three periods.

There were ahh’s around the table as everyone processed this new information.

I feel like oos and ahhs would have worked better.

Sunset Shimmer was going to throw a party. Which is something she’s never done before.

Sunset Shimmer was going to throw a party, which was something she had never done before.

She used to be homeless. For a long time.

She used to be homeless for a long time.

“What do you think, buddy? Think we pull this off?”

“What do you think, buddy? Do you think we can pull this off?”

This is just me going through some of the errors in it. I seriously think that the writer needs to go over the story again with an editor to handle all of the errors.

The plot of the story: 6:10 It does nothing really unique with the sleepover idea. It showed a glimmer of going over Sunset's financial struggles and going over some of her history in Canterlot High. However, this premise is not elaborated enough and makes for a rather sub-par story with nothing really hooking us in.

Story flow: 6/10. Where in the emotion of the characters? You don't get any good descriptions of excitement, curiosity, or anything. There are a few points that have a little characterization that I would have like to see more, like a person snickering or something like that.

My other main problem is how much it skips over. No elaboration on how Sunset gets her stuff (Like thrift stores or broken stuff she fixes.), or the sleepover activities. It just speeds through so much that it feels like there isn't any character background or growth that could have been in this story. It's lacking emotion and detail.

Final score: 18/30 6/10

There was a lot that could have been done with a premise like that, but the author seemed to be unable to elaborate on that. This story needs more flavor to it to make it stand out. Go over a couple of games. Talk about Sunset. Just add something more than trying to make a simple story with no real development in character. I'm not saying to have aliens show up, but be willing to add details and ideas to help make your story stand out.

Uz Naimat

Uz Naimat #2 · Jun 27th, 2020 · · ·

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7258232
First story, first review. Thank you so much.

Just a side note, the story was supposed to be simple feel-good story. Itʼs my first attempt at writing, so I picked the simplest idea I could find. But, thanks for pointing out the errors. My second story will be far better, thatʼs a guarantee!

Have a good day.