Description

The Crystal Empire has hours left to live.

Sombra's enemies have broken through his defenses. Soon, they'll lay siege to the Crystal Palace itself. All of his plans to unify the divided country have failed.

As the Rebels charge towards the Capitol, he retreats to his office for one final drink.

Initial Thoughts

Ah, Sombra and the Crystal Empire—coincidentally, both fall into my personal category of “tragically under-developed” within the show. It’s always a joy to see how fanfic writers have extended the lore of either.

It’s interesting that this story is set as a one-shot, too, since its description seems to practically beg of a larger world beyond the text. Well, we’ll see if the story determines if such a world should be seen, or if the view from the palace is enough of a sight.

There will be spoilers!

Summary

The Crystal Empire stands at the edge of a complete overthrow. Yet, its staunch ruler, King Sombra, seems wholly unfazed, if otherwise justifiably angered. This is a farce, though, for his is beyond tormented by how much he has to lose. After becoming intoxicated on an ancient beverage (yummy stuff, that), he embarks on a daring plan, a plan that could unleash far more ruin than what the rebels have in store for him. For under the Crystal Palace there is a vault, and in that vault lies a special kind of doomsday weapon, sealed off for millenia, for fear of its power. Sombra enters that vault, ascends to the balcony of the Palace just as the rebel forces  arrive at his doorstep, and tells them, “You claim to fight for freedom? Well here—Take it!” and the world comes to a destructive end. 

Plot

This was an amazing take on the Crystal Empire war genre of fanfiction, which is a welcome surprise considering how many stories, since Season 5 and even before then, have explored that particular kind of world. And, this is a great example of what we’d call “soft worldbuilding.” There’s no enhanced magic system and only snippets of lore scattered about the descriptions and dialogue. We get enough to establish how much of an Alternate Universe (as dictated by the tag) this is, but we also never become drenched in overt detail. 

That being the case, Flint-Lock manages to encapsulate enough of the devastation of this world in just a few short paragraphs, without needing to explain the history or the previous battles. And in doing so, the author is able to easily weave hints at just how long this war has gone on. For example, there’s this paragraph:

The rebels hurled themselves against the trenches, pink and blue uniforms a stark contrast against the muddy slush. They were sloppy, inefficient, moving as individual parts rather than an organized whole. Still, what they lacked in coordination, they more than made up for in numbers. And firepower. Pony infantry carrying sacks of grenades methodically swept the trenches, finishing off survivors with quick-loading magerifle fire. Lumbering minotaur Landships slammed through the lines like treaded battering rams, crushing wire, smothering warbeasts under a hurricane of shells. In the skies, dragon mercenaries and pegasi soldiers dueled with winged warbeasts, slicing them with wing blades, scorching them with fiery breath, occasionally sending one of the beasts screaming to earth bleeding from a million cuts.

It’s clear by the way that the rebels are described—not just in physical attributes but also the manner by which they act—that they are a war-weary bunch. Their colors are muddied by the slush they wade in. They are “sloppy, inefficient,” yet they move with a strength of character and resolve not yet seen. We additionally get a glimpse into how this war goes beyond a pony one: minotaurs and dragons fight alongside their Equestrian allies, and based on the technologies at play, it’s clear that they are fighting an equally brutal battle. This is war, and there is no glory in it. Only the threat of victory. 

Another example of soft-worldbuilding adding to the implicit lore of the story comes in the form of the paragraph after:

The mirror shifted to the rear lines. Technicians and officers suddenly morphed into Changeling drones, cutting telephone lines, spiking guns, and issuing false orders, while zeppelin gunships and bombers turned ammo dumps and supply depots into craters.

We don’t get much of an explanation for why the Changelings, of all creatures, is aiding the ponies against Sombra, but we don’t need to. If minotaurs and dragons, mythical creatures that reside in lands far different from the cold north, must take arms against Sombra, then that means he represents a worldwide threat that no creature can deny or ignore. 

In soft-worldbuilding there is a pattern of only including so much, and while that means there are plenty of questions left unanswered, I don’t believe that hinders this story so much as enhances it. After all, we’re jumping into the very end of what seems to be an extensive history of battles and failures. We have to expect to have questions. But, we also get a sense of how widespread and how intricate the story behind the story is. 
The fact that the setting is at the end of the war, too, also works with the story’s premise. Every event is meant to lead the reader towards whatever end awaits Sombra, but we are never sure if that end will be satisfying or horrific. Therefore, tension builds the more we have to wait. How exactly does Sombra mean to end the war, or how he intends to face his demise, are some of the questions that await, and by the end of the story, it’s almost like a sucker punch what happens—nothing glorious, nothing victorious for either Sombra or the rebels. Just a cold dread, and the realization that this is the end. 

That’s another thing that I appreciate with this story—though many Crystal Empire stories are filled with tropes and cliches, this one decides that there are still a few surprises left in store. For example: many of those stories usually have Luna or Celestia, or even Cadance, leading their army in a march against Sombra’s forces. Here, though, the Sisters are notably scarce, and the Princess of Love is particularly absent. This isn’t because they aren’t used or present: rather, that’s because they are, how we say, indisposed:

... In a corner, the empty husk of Queen Amore stood encased in crystal, eyes blank, and jaws slack.

Celestia’s petrified head sat on his desk atop some documents, face frozen into an eternal scowl.

So not only does this take place at the end of a long, drawn out war, it’s a war that, arguably, the ponies already lost; this is merely their latest, and most successful, attempt, at taking back their world. If their chances weren’t already bleak, now they certainly are. 

There’s a lot more I could gush about, but this particular section has gone on long enough. As far as I’m concerned, this is a perfect plot, and despite it being a dark and grim story on its own, there’s a level of care and gritty enjoyment that comes with reading it. 

Score - 10 / 10

Characterization

Since this is a third-person limited perspective told from Sombra’s POV, we expect to get as close as we can to his inner thoughts and emotions. I believe for the most part that we do get that, and it’s clear that Flint-Lock has established an especially sinister voice for the character.

Still, Sombra in this story—and probably in general, just in terms of the show—feels just a little bit flat. He’s the dark, supreme ruler of the Crystal Empire who used dark magic to accomplish his feats, but that’s about it. There are no regrets he has, and while I would not expect him to, he doesn’t really do much beyond be Sombra as we know him. 

When he starts drinking, though, we do get to see just a hint of another layer to him—an inherent madness he cares little for, and this is the fuel that leads him to invoking the power of a doomsday device. Far from the power-hungry unicorn in the show, we see a pony who, quite possibly, has already lost his mind, and is in the throes of senility while grappling with the loss of what is potentially his greatest achievement. 

They say that drunk men tell no lies, so I’d assume that at least some of what he says while intoxicated is the true Sombra, or at least the one that Flint-Lock wants us to believe in. 

That said, I acknowledge the difficulty in writing a particularly interesting Sombra. The plot really helps in that regard, since it’s clear he’s reacting to events as they unfold and unfolded, but if we were to strip away the plot, I think we’d find that he’s not that different from every other iteration. This isn’t necessarily a fault on Flint-Lock’s part so much as it’s almost a given with Sombra himself. 

Score - 8 / 10 

Syntax

I was sucked in the moment I read the first two paragraphs. Why? Because the syntax oozed figurative language and imagery in a way that absolutely delighted my aesthetic sense.

To Sombra, fear was an infinitely flexible tool.

Sometimes he’d use it as a scalpel with veiled threats and subtle hints, leaving most of the work to the victim's imagination. Sometimes he dispensed with the subtlety and used it as a sledgehammer with public executions and the secret police. He breathed fear. Drank it. Sweated it.

Already we get a metaphor with the first sentence (which, additionally, is a pretty good first sentence: we establish a character, a POV, a potential theme, and something interesting, an observation or an insight. I think it was Ray Bradbury or Kurt Vonnegut who encouraged really good one-sentence paragraph openers, and this fits the mold quite nicely—though, of course, there are many ways to write an opening!). But rather than combining the metaphor with the second paragraph and risking diluting the effect, the metaphor is made to stand on its own. As such, the second paragraph becomes a quiet backdrop while the first sinks itself into a reader’s mind and makes them explore the idea that Sombra has posited on their own. 

Note, too, how the second paragraph plays with sentence style. We get parallelism with the “sometimes” clause, and those parallelisms offer up different views of the same thing, that is, how Sombra uses fear as a tool. Then we get a series of short sentences that break into fragments effectively, punching the reader with such sensory details as breathing, drinking, and, quite grossly, sweating. 

This kind of stylistic approach to sentences is found throughout the story, and they’re all used to great effect. I enjoy a story full of good sentences, and this one is superb in that regard.

That aside, I found a couple of grammatical and punctuation errors that really interrupted the style. There’s this one, for example:

“Heh, Hello, Celeshtia.” He slurred, taking another swig from the bottle. “It's...it’s been a while.”

Drunk or not, SOmbra’s losing a bit of clarity with the issues present getting in the way.

”Heh, hello, Celeshtia,” he slurred…

Then there’s this line:
[quote“I...I never wanted thish.” Sombra slurred, gesturing towards the window.The period after “thish” should be a comma, since the dialogue doesn’t end with an action, but instead with a dialogue tag (slurred). 

That’s a recurring problem throughout the story—punctuation in dialogue tending to miss the mark. At times they’re either incorrect or they’re missing entirely, and at points it was difficult to understand where a dialogue began and where it ended, and what separated dialogue with monologue narration.

Score - 8 / 10 

Final Score - (10 + 8 + 8) / 3 = 8.6 / 10

Final Thoughts

I’ve read some of Flint-Lock’s other works, most notably the batpony ones, so I know that they’re already an enjoyable and highly skilled author. Bar the problems I found here, this story was a wonderful jump into what’s otherwise a grim and gritty universe; yet, as often is the case with many a writer who tries to dip their feet into such a universe, this one is handled with care and insight. Nothing feels wasted, and even though the ending really sucked (in terms of for all the characters involved), it also feels right—and I believe that if you can convince the reader that your ending is the truest ending for the story, then you have accomplished something incredible.

Read this. Even if you don’t like dark and grim stuff, read this if only to get a great sense of worldbuilding done right. 

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Also, here's the song that inspired this fic