TProject Rita

• MLP: FiM
• Romance
• Drama
• Sci-Fi

Depressed that she never got her chance to tell Octavia how she felt, Vinyl Scratch joins an experimental program called Project Rita, which supposedly allows anypony to see an alternate future of their relationships.

• DJ P0N-3
• OC
• Octavia

Muggonny · 13k words  ·  55  4 · 891 views

Description

Tavi is gone. One day, she packed up all her things and left. Now I'm all alone, and I don't know what to do with myself. There's an ad in the newspaper promoting an experimental program called Project Rita. It says that it allows ponies to see the future of their relationships in alternate realities. Perhaps I could use it to see Tavi again?

Initial Thoughts

Woo, so this is the first multi-multi-chapter fic I’m reviewing! I’m a little nervous; I’m sure that there will be much for me to talk about, and I’ll try to figure out what’s pertinent to the review and what isn’t, to the best of my ability, and to the benefit of the author. Granted, it’s still a short piece. But even kernels have some measure of worth—and I mean kernels in terms of size, not quality. 

The description also notes that this was written for the Right Back At It Again contest, which, according to its page, is about “bringing back old-school ships in a big way!” It refers to how FimFic used to be—an abundance of early ship fics, so things like LyraBon and, of course, OctaScratch. Since I was most definitely not around for that time, I don’t think it’d be fair for me to attempt to judge whether Muggonny has succeeded in “bringing back the old school ship.” I’ll attempt, instead, to look at what they’ve presented as the relationship—though, if the description is any indication, it’s rather the lack thereof. 

The decision to set it in a Sci-Fi setting is an interesting one. I’m already curious as to what this Project Rita is all about, how it functions, what it’s undoubtedly sinister underlying purpose is—but I am getting ahead of myself.

With the commencement of the review, be forewarned: spoilers lay ahead!

Summary

Tavi’s gone, and the immediate effect on Vinyl is that of desperation and confusion. It’s only by chance that she stumbles upon Doctor Gonzo’s advertisement promoting a mysterious device called Project Rita, which he claims imbues the user with the ability to view alternate realities. Vinyl hopes that such an item will allow her to see what might have been, had her and Octavia’s relationship continued, and initially, it does; she first sees how it had started and how she would have wanted it to continue. In each resulting session, more and more of an alternate future piles on, expanding beyond mere days of fantasy into an implied lifetime of happiness. That is, until reality starts to crumble. The project cannot sustain itself on Vinyl’s dreams any longer, and neither can she. It’s time to move on. It’s time to let Tavi in the past, and live in the present.

Plot

Perhaps it is because I haven’t read as much science fiction—traditional or fanfiction or otherwise—the concept of experiencing an alternate reality surprised me. How Muggonny managed to weave in and out of explaining it proved equally surprising, because when I was reading this story, I realized there was the bare minimum of exposition needed to explain away how Project Rita worked. I wrote it out in my notes as I was combing the story over: 

In a lot of hard sci-fi we see copious amounts of it trying to explain whatever new device is in store for the reader, especially - or perhaps exclusively - when that device makes up the inciting incident of the entire story. Here, though, what is provided is very minimal. There are perhaps two ways to read this, both which I think the author should account for: One is, that Vinyl was so stuck in her own thoughts, so desperate and heartbroken, that she did not care for any information regarding what she was about to do. In part, this is substantiated by her distracted state. The second is, however, that the author might not really know how this device is supposed to work. Not that that's a bad thing, but I admit that my curiosity about it is more than piqued.

Of course, it would be silly to say that this story is hard science-fiction. In fact, the Sci-Fi element is there, I suspect, as a way of adding an extra oomph to the story. In reality, this is straightforward drama, and the romantic—or I guess lack thereof—kind. 

After all, as the description said, Tavi is gone. One day she and Vinyl were living together, and now they aren’t. The natural question was, Why was that the case? 

Project Rita and the sessions that Vinyl had with it served the purpose of showing us that. Each session gave us a glimpse into how Vinyl wanted things to go. For instance, in the first session, Vinyl notes that, when she first met Octavia, the mare was cold, calm, and collected; however, in the first session, Octavia is nervous, both impressed and perhaps a little horrified by how well Vinyl was received by a crowd. It’s the first of many discrepancies that Vinyl observes, but also at first, she thinks little of it. Perhaps it is a quirk of the machine, or a quirk of herself, but is that hardly wrong?

Later sessions do take the route of what a lot of other science-fiction authors do with their technologies—demonstrate the fractured control and relationship between user and item. This is to be expected, since the machine in question is supposed to show alternate futures. However, by the end of Session 2 and through Sessions 3 and 4, it becomes clear that there’s something wrong about the way Vinyl is experiencing these futures—or, more to the point, there’s something wrong with her. It’s this wrongness of the self that emerges as part of the central theme of the narrative, but it’s not the kind of wrongness that suggests a huge identity crisis. Rather, it’s the wrongness that comes, I believe, with huge transitions through life. 

The machine, Project Rita, is but the bridge that Vinyl has to cross in order to come to terms with that. In her desperation and depression she assumed that seeing Tavi again, even a fake one, would make her happy—that, after all, is the crux of the plot. But the fact of the matter is, there is no substitute for the real thing, and since that real thing is gone, seeking out an artificial alternative would damage more than heal what wounds were left behind.

At this point it may sound that I’m gushing over the story, then. And to be fair, I am. I really did enjoy what it did, and how it was executed, and the idea from the get-go really intrigued me. However, this is one of those cases where even as I look back and re-read the whole thing, I note that a lot of what I’ve said comes very quickly on. This is because, well, the story is short—criminally so. The pacing, therefore, was far too quick for the drama to last. 

I blame the contest, since it had a word limit of 15k, so 13k is definitely skirting the line very close. Even so, while I enjoyed the reveals and can substantially justify the fast pacing by virtue of not having a big enough “space” per se, I do think that this story could have offered a lot more into the “world” that this alternate-reality-machine offered. For instance, while these alternate realities proved interesting, I wondered if they might have had any larger personal relevance to Vinyl other than “This is different from how I remember?” Were there things that stuck out to her beyond just a singular event? Was there any reason why certain sessions had certain memories, and why those certain memories consisted of certain, alternate events? Though, I may be reading much too into it. 

Nevertheless, this story… is more than a romp into speculative fiction. By the end of it I realized it was about the pain of nostalgia and want, and the need to move on past memory. In such a short space, then—just a little less than 13,000 words—the fact that Muggonny was able to accomplish such an interesting theme proved admirable, and has become, whether or not it is accurate, my main takeaway.

Score - 9 / 10

Characterization

it’s controversial to say, but there’s only really one character here: Vinyl Scratch. But Muggonny did something interesting with her character: they provided a hybrid model of what the fanon has taken as, well, “fanon.” 

Thanks to the influence of Jesse Nowacking, we’ve seen a Vinyl Scratch that’s super rebellious, reckless, even a bit snide. But thanks to other fan works, and the show, we’ve seen a Scratch who’s largely a mute phenomenon, observing the world all while calmly listening to whatever music filters in through her headphones. I believe that both models come up in this story, which is fitting, since part of the theme of the contest was to “bring back the old” ships and character-interpretations of the fandom. 

Muggonny provides both, I believe. From the very beginning:

“I don’t know where to begin. There’s this mare named Octavia, but I call her Tavi because it’s a cute nickname I gave her out of the blue one day when we were at school togeth — you don’t need that. Sorry. I’m not good at this whole talking thing. I think it’s easier to get to the point in as few words as possible. Anyways, there’s this mare Octavia, like I was saying — y’know, Tavi — and well, she’s cute… I’m feeling a little hot right now.

“So, I walk in the house one day and her things are packed up. I ask her what’s going on, and she says she’s moving out. That she’s going to Canterlot, and well, one thing leads to another, and I’m sleeping in the tub and drowning and not in water, if you get what I’m mean. Depression. I’m talking about depression — okay, I see you get what I mean. You can stop nodding. Please stop nodding. Thank you. 

“So I think that’s why I’m here. Your flier said you had a ‘Cure for loneliness,’ whatever that meant.”

And from my notes, I wrote this:

The choice to write this as one side of an interview is an interesting one. I rarely see it in a lot of fiction, and in those cases it's either preceded by stage setting or some manner of description explaining the context behind it.

Some quick formalist insight: when you write an interview or a dialogue where the second party is never actually involved (such as in a one-sided interview), the natural effect is that of drawing the reader in. It’s similar to what second-person does, and is, in fact, a kind of evolution from the Epistolary genre. So here, we get a distinct sense of this particular Vinyl Scratch: she trusts us, to an extent, at least enough to explain (so far) Octavia. We get a kind of intimacy with this confessional stance.

This is also a pretty clear indicator of characterization. Vinyl is excited, but nervous; why? Because she's talking about Tavi. And not Octavia--Tavi. So we already get a sense of who these ponies were for each other, beyond just what is traditionally called "fanon."

Three paragraphs of single-party dialogue demonstrate quite a lot about Vinyl. But then we also have small moments like this:

I shot my head towards Tavi, curious. I didn’t recognize it at first because we didn’t have this couch originally — we weren’t a couple when we were still living together. But I recognize that face of hers: the excitement. It was —

“An acceptance letter into the Sunrise Orchestra!” 

My body was excited, hugging her even. But if I knew at that time what was about to happen, I wouldn’t have been reacting the way I did.

A careful reader will no doubt note that for some reason, Vinyl’s voice has faded from the foreground. Now everything is done in strict narration. I did this, I did that… what happened to that nervous pony from earlier? The one who couldn’t stop rambling about Tavi? Even if this is a weird memory-future-glimpse thing, surely even that feature would appear. 

It would seem that Muggonny was aware of this contradiction, because in Session 4 we have this resolution:

That question rang silence. What did I think I would find in Octavia other than happiness? The entire time she was gone, I had yearned for her to return. Some part of myself believed that if I thought hard enough, she would have magically appeared before me. Even if I did have the satisfaction of being with her, however, what then?

Would we go down this same road? It was an alternate reality, afterall. If she were back, could we dodge all the warning signs and make it work? Or would we be griefed to remain opposites our entire lives: her and her controlling attitude; me and my silent consent to follow along.

I stopped and thought about how we might use that to understand the decision to have two kinds of “narrative voices” for Vinyl. What I concluded was that Octavia lay at the crux of both. When it comes to talking about her, gushing about her, crying about her, Vinyl is loud, obsessive, and perhaps even pitiful—but these are instances and emotions made in retrospect. Meanwhile, in the moments that she thinks and remembers and experiences in Project Rita, she’s always silent. By Session 4, it would seem that this was what drew them apart. Vinyl listened to Octavia but never showed or demonstrated clearly that she was. They were in love, but there wasn’t quite that critical amount of communication to verify their relationship.

Eventually, Octavia grew tired, and cast Vinyl away. The Tavi we see in Project Rita might as well represent Vinyl realizing that. (To be fair, that Tavi more-or-less asserts that.) 

Why did Vinyl behave this way? If I had to guess, it was because she lacked the confidence to say how much she cared for and loved Octavia. She, perhaps, took it for granted, thinking that a simple nod was enough—and perhaps it is, in some cases. But people—and ponies, I’d wager—sometimes need more. They want to know that they have value, and a nod of acknowledgement isn’t that. 

What this part of the review should demonstrate is that, for better or for worse, however intentional or not, there is nuance to Vinyl’s character, as Muggonny has represented her. And these nuances create a wonderful blend of sympathetic and pitiful characterization.

Such would warrant a full 10 from me, but unfortunately there were still issues. Again, the pacing obstructed a clean development of Vinyl’s character, but that’s an effect of the contest, it would seem; and I believe that, if Muggonny had the space and time, they could have put in a lot more detail getting into Vinyl’s head, showing the nuance a bit more clearly rather than telling us it at the very end (though by then I’d figured it out). And to an extent, her motivations weren’t quite clear. For as much as we know that she cares about Octavia, loves her even, we don’t really know why. While I think that the story is able to get away without really explaining this because it’s about the implications of a failed relationship between them, pickier readers may argue that without some explicit declaration of “who they were together,” this story suffers—to one point or another, I must agree, if partially.

And the other character in this story, Doctor Gonzo, doesn’t… really do much. It was a neat touch, having his dead wife be the inspiration of Project Rita, but he doesn’t really serve much purpose. He’s a necessarily flat character, sure, but it seemed like there were hints of him meaning something more. Perhaps that’s a mistake on my part, though.

Score - 9 /10 

Syntax

For the sake of simplicity, I’ll be blunt: syntax is the weakest part of this story. Grammatically, mostly everything was correct, but the execution of several sentences could have used a bit more work. I’ll list off a few that stuck out to me:

I was prancing around the house in blank-slate sort of state.

The ending comes off as awkward due to the sibilance—using multiple “s” sounds together (here, they are: “slate,” “sort,” and “state”). 

“...Was it a completion?”

Doctor Gonzo says this in Session 2, but I don’t really understand what he means. It seems an issue of word choice. 

After a placebo century passed, he opened his beak.

The use of “placebo”... I get that it’s supposed to mean it’s not a real century, but it’s trying way too hard to be different. What we’re running into is an issue of proper hyperbolic statements, or as they’re better known as, cliche idioms. You can use cliches well, but in small doses; and if you run yourself into a wall of them, your best bet is to not even use them in the slightest. 

I also noted misspellings, especially the end, and I couldn’t reason if they were because they were indicative that Project Rita was somehow failing, or was just a simple mistake. 

• Octavia and Vinyl’s daughter is spelled first as “Euphonia,” but then she’s written as “Ephonia.”
• “Sweety” vs. “Sweetie”
• “Tavi” vs. “Tavia”

These two issues of syntax and spelling made getting through parts of the story somewhat difficult, as I struggled to understand if anything indicated a greater intent, or was just mistakes on the author’s part. Since the spelling errors and awkward syntax accumulated throughout the last session, it seems that that part was rushed without much of a careful eye. 

Combined with the rapid pacing, then, what ended up happening was a story where I had to re-read multiple short sentences and paragraphs just to figure out what was trying to be conveyed. It’s not a wholly terrible issue, since the plot and characterization help expedite the story smoothly, but it still got in the way of my enjoyment.

Score - 7 / 10 

Final Score - (9 + 9 + 7) / 3 = 8.3 / 10

Final Thoughts

What’s the theme of this story? There are several to choose from: the power of memory, the corruption it may have for the present, the power of nostalgia, the dread of nostalgia, the effect of love, the problems with love, the need for communication… we could go on and on. 

The wonderful thing about thematic thinking is that it’s not something the author has to necessarily put in, consciously. I may believe that at least partially what themes you want to write about have to be consciously present in the story, but I acknowledge that part of the joy of reading is the ability to take out what you want and what you can. “Death of the Author” is not so much as the great tragedy as art as its natural evolution. 

At any rate, I thoroughly enjoyed this story, even as I’m no hardcore OctaScratch person. I enjoyed having to think a little. It was an enjoyment that comes from being carefully led along, trying to figure out why Project Rita was showing Vinyl what it was. There was a mystery in the theme, which thankfully led to a more-or-less satisfying conclusion. 

Though perhaps those who love the buildup of romance and those who love OctaScratch won’t get as much out of it as I did, I would recommend this story to any who want to see the bitter taste of nostalgia examined under a scrutinous light—before the path unwinds and the future, glistening with the opportunity to grow and change, unfolds before us all. 

To the author: I apologize for the lengthy review! But your story really did give me a lot of material. If you’re interested, I can send you a copy of the document that has all of my comments and thoughts. 

The description also notes that this was written for the Right Back At It Again contest, which, according to its page, is about “bringing back old-school ships in a big way!” It refers to how FimFic used to be—an abundance of early ship fics, so things like LyraBon and, of course, OctaScratch.

You are officially the first person to have read the rules of the contest.

The second is, however, that the author might not really know how this device is supposed to work.

Not really, no, and I even if I did I planned to keep it minimal from the beginning. I hate it in general when a story gets so carried away by its premise that it thinks it has to explain every detail. Whenever I watch/read something with an sci-fi premise, I am there for the story. The story is first and the technical talk comes last. Besides, I don't think Vinyl would understand most of what Doctor Gonzo says if he did tell her.

Nevertheless, this story… is more than a romp into speculative fiction. By the end of it I realized it was about the pain of nostalgia and want, and the need to move on past memory. In such a short space, then—just a little less than 13,000 words—the fact that Muggonny was able to accomplish such an interesting theme proved admirable, and has become, whether or not it is accurate, my main takeaway.

Honestly, interpret the story however you want. At the time that I conceptualized the idea, I based it on if you had the chance to go back in time and ask your crush out, followed by the harsh reality you might not expect that happens to those who make mistakes early on. However, I much prefer reading into others interpretation because this is how we grow as writers, and I'm very pleased by this one!

And the other character in this story, Doctor Gonzo, doesn’t… really do much. It was a neat touch, having his dead wife be the inspiration of Project Rita, but he doesn’t really serve much purpose. He’s a necessarily flat character, sure, but it seemed like there were hints of him meaning something more. Perhaps that’s a mistake on my part, though.

I wanted to use Doctor Gonzo as a parallel to Vinyl Scratch. I did this by making him much older. There was also the fact that he named the machine 'Rita', implying he's so desperate to see her again that he built a special connect to the machine. There are also the subtle moments during the dinner conversation.

For the sake of simplicity, I’ll be blunt: syntax is the weakest part of this story.

Noted. I don't think I've ever learned syntax? Whatever, time to study up on it!

I apologize for the lengthy review!

Why do you feel the need to apologize for making me happy?

If you’re interested, I can send you a copy of the document that has all of my comments and thoughts.

Dew it

This was actually a really good review. Thanks for taking the time to read my story. It means a lot!