EDash's Unsuccessful Fanfic

• MLP: FiM
• Comedy
• Slice of Life

Dash writes a Daring Do fanfic with help from Twilight. It doesn't do well.

• Twilight
• Rainbow Dash

Penguifyer · 1.9k words  ·  63  0 · 816 views

Dash’s Unsuccessful Fanfic by Penguifyer is the next story on my list to be reviewed. From the blurb, I can probably guess that this story will focus on how we fanfiction writers evolve and grow through our experiences as we write and share our creations to the world. With that Slice of Life tag, I wouldn’t be surprised if there would be some inspirational anecdote at the end to end the story on an uplifting note to motivate authors. Let’s see whether my postulations were right…

Summary

Rainbow Dash writes a Daring Do fanfic with the aid of Twilight, though the experience was not without any challenges or setbacks.

Content

I felt that the story aptly captures the experiences that writers of fanfiction would have when they were writing their own works to be published. The author appropriately chose Rainbow Dash to be the author of her own fanfiction works since her character would be fitting to show how, for instance, she was sourly disappointed when her works were gaining less traction compared to the other pieces out there. I mean, it is fair to say that one would be proud of something that they would have poured in lots of time and effort into it, so I posit that the character choice of a proud Rainbow Dash is very much appropriate. In fact, Rainbow Dash amplifies the sentiments that many fanfiction authors have through her personality, which I am certain many authors would empathize with.

Oh, this brings me to my next point. The experiences depicted were genuine and true. The emotion, the thoughts that ran through Rainbow Dash’s mind were very much relatable. The author drives this through small bite-sized snippets of how Rainbow Dash had gone through the process of writing out her fanfiction to publishing it and to her reaction to the response her fanfiction got from the wider audience.

Throughout the whole process, Twilight was on Rainbow Dash’s side, as a friend and as a willing and supportive proofreader, which added a heartwarming note to the story. In fact, the story concluded with an inspirational anecdotal given by Twilight to spur Rainbow Dash on, to not give up on her journey of writing. It was this tale that gave Rainbow Dash light in the darkness that filled her eyes when she saw how her own story was in comparison with one that was a hit. Indeed, truer words of advice could not be spoken out by Twilight to help inspire not only Rainbow Dash, but authors, or even editors like you. Whether or not if you were an author, or an editor, or proofreader, it doesn’t matter. You will realize how in each role you play; you have an ability to inspire your mindset into writing proper, or help others do so. I believe that if this was the intent of this story, the author has done a creditable job.

However, I wonder if these various scenes in which the author chose to depict the process that Rainbow Dash went through could be developed more effectively. While the first snippet involving Rainbow Dash’s first draft of her story was, in my eyes, suitably depicted for the necessary emphasis and empathy, I felt that the development of the evolution of Rainbow Dash’s writing was rather rushed, for example. I opine that the process of learning and growing as an author, while not a key message of the story at hoof, would provide a nuance to the story portrayed. More importantly, I think that this would be a suitable opportunity to showcase exactly how much time and effort Rainbow Dash went into polishing her work and to hone her skills as a writer to show the crushing feeling that her efforts were seemingly for nothing.

Flow

I think that the story has a fairly high tempo throughout, which helped to bring out the excitement Rainbow Dash had when she was developing and publishing the story. It conveyed the sense of urgency that Rainbow Dash had when she wanted Twilight to proofread virtually at once and her anxiety to see if her efforts were of any value to the wider audience beyond Twilight, though I think that various portions of the story could be paragraphed to help to split and demarcate the flow of ideas in a more constructive manner, especially pertaining to the integration of descriptions of actions, emotions and thoughts into dialogue. This paragraph would be particularly pivotal in generating a little suspense during the time when Rainbow Dash was observing the view count for her story creeping up.

However, I felt that, while the anecdote that Twilight gave at the conclusion of the story did help to end the story on a reflective and uplifting note, it was introduced rather abruptly. I understand that Twilight was thinking of some way to calm Rainbow Dash’s nerves down after she must have perceived her story to be a failure compared to the others, which led to this anecdote, but the execution of it in the story seemed quite sudden to me. I was considering and mulling over whether this was introduced into the story conveniently to suit the motive of the author’s piece to inspire and to share this anecdote to writers such as ourselves. This was especially the case as the fact that “something else came into her mind” was used as a link to bridge this gap in the logic, hampering the flow of ideas throughout the piece, especially at the concluding paragraphs. I think that the author could consider a method in which the conversation between Rainbow Dash and Twilight would bring them into this in a more natural and convincing manner. Another way could be to convey that Twilight had an inkling in her mind to call upon her to help console and motivate the dejected Rainbow Dash that her expression in writing was worthwhile, for she might have felt that Rainbow Dash may be in need of it. I think either way would help to portray this in a more naturally nuanced manner and help draw that vital connection.

Language

Language errors were rare; let’s take a look at a few of the recommendations I would like to make to the author.

Rainbow Dash laid awake in bed, awaiting the mailpony.

Rainbow Dash lay awake in bed, awaiting the mailpony.

This is a tricky one. “Laid” is the past tense of “lay” which refers to placing something down on a specific geographical position carefully. “Lay” is the past tense of “lie” which refers to rest oneself into a position of comfort.

Flipping through the pages, she found Dash’s story smiled back.

Flipping through the pages, she found Dash’s story smiling back.

Stance

This is a nicely written piece that I would recommend. To improve, I think the author could consider the pacing of the ideas throughout the story – do check my comments above, though you are more than welcome to discuss anything with me.

Content/Plot: 7.8/10
Flow/Communication: 6.5/10
Language/Readability: 7.5/10
Overall: 7.3/10

Yeah, that’s fair. I literally came up with the idea the night after having another more ambitious stagnate at a 1-1 like/dislike ratio. I also had the idea of writing, editing, proofreading, and publishing a fic in 24-hours and finally had the perfect idea for it. I even remember getting to the end of the story and not knowing how to connect the two ideas, so I said “screw it” and chose the easiest solution I could think of. It’s probably the one regret I have with the story. Then again, that’s the beautiful thing about quick fics: you end up with something publishable when you’re done, rather sitting on some massive unfinished project.