TA Different Kind of Treasure

• MLP: FiM
• Romance
• Adventure
• Drama

What's the most valuable treasure in the world: Family? Money? Revenge? Love? Depends on who you ask...

• Alt. Universe
• OC
• Flitter and Cloudchaser
• Cloudchaser
• Flitter

Mechawrecker · 62k words  ·  88  4 · 1.4k views

A Different Kind of Treasure by Mechawrecker will be the next story I’ll be looking at. I have always wanted to delve into this piece, thanks to its unique premise of treasure hunting. Before I continue, allow me to warn you that this review will contain spoilers, although every attempt has been made to make this as spoiler-free as possible. So, without further ado, let’s begin!

Do note that this review will discuss only the 21 chapters published as of the 18^th of October, 2020.

Summary

Orphaned at an early age, Flitter and Cloudchaser wandered around before finally discovering their true callings as mercenary treasure hunters. While scavenging dusty tomes and artifacts paid for their meager possessions, neither had the time nor the opportunity to find fulfillment in a partner. Now, they are once again risking life and limb for gold, glory, and fame while an ancient evil works behind the scenes to accomplish its own mysteriously veiled goals.

Finally, after dodging spike pits, surviving rockslides, and deciphering runes, they uncover a different kind of treasure than what was originally marked on their map.

How will romance, adventure and treasure hunting tie into this captivating tale?

Note

This review will cover this piece in a different approach compared to my other reviews. I will discuss the broad matters that concern this story in the appropriate sub-sections.

Character Development

I think the story did a decent job to the development of the characters in this piece. The interaction between the three main characters of the story, Flitter, Sky and Cloudchaser throughout the piece are genuine and believable. The dialogue between the characters in the piece evidently convey the bond between Flitter and Cloudchaser as sisters. Reading about these main characters is enjoyable, and it is interesting to see how their individual personalities work with each other. The author does work into developing the attitudes and their character, and it clearly shows throughout the piece. Unfortunately, this aspect is especially hindered due to the pacing of the story, which I will discuss in detail in the next section.

Pacing

I must admit that the pacing of the piece is too rapid for the development of the characters and even the scenes in the piece, but please allow me to qualify my statement.

I note that the first chapter of the story does adopt a rapid pace, but this is actually necessary in my eyes. This is because the fast tempo of the piece drives the action in the story. This attracts the reader’s attention, particularly with the prospect of peril and the fast-moving action scenes whirling around the reader’s imagination. This is a great hook that draws the reader into picking up the piece. The speed made this first bit sharp and precise, hitting the necessary notes that a discerning reader would be interested in.

However, there are many instances throughout the piece which, due to the rapid tempo adopted by the story since the start, impacted the quality of the interaction between the characters, the fight scenes and even in the development of the characters and the world around them. For instance, in …Begins with a Single Step, the resolution of that contempt and anger that lingered within Cloudchaser thanks to the introduction of Sky’s backstory into the piece was too fast in my humble opinion. Yes, while I would undeniably agree that spilling out the emotions that are trapped within their hearts will help to resolve the hatred and anger in time, especially with the empathy conveyed by Sky, the speed at which this occurred in the story was portrayed to be rather plot-driven and hence convenient. I would have thought that there would be a greater amount of hesitation, almost, that would cause Cloudchaser to buy Sky’s words of reality.

Another example would be the fight with the Diamond Dogs in First Strike. Again, the succinct level of descriptions in this specific fight scene made the action sequences rapid. I posit that there are many opportunities to spice this scene up, such as with paragraphing to add the necessary suspense to drive the reader’s need to read on, and in building up that tense atmosphere that would keep me on my toes. However, I believe that this is best discussed in the following, appropriate section of this review.

Hence, the fast pacing of the story affects the overall communication of the story, such as in the believability of the chain of events in the plot. This leads in perfectly with the next section, which is…

Plot Conveniences

Owing to the rapid pace the story is set at, and also the inadequate amount of development into the scenes, the plot seems to steer in a mode of convenience or even in a predictable direction that I could see coming. Due to the swift resolution of various scaled conflicts that occur in the story, the plot resolution sometimes appeared convenient to me. It therefore regrettably came off as a matter of a plot-driven convenience. I would recommend that the author consider slowing the pace down to justify and develop the foundation of the scenes in the story in a more robust manner to mitigate this problem, which brings me to…

Show vs. Tell

Granted, this piece does build a good level of nuance between the scenes and foreshadows these subtle hints aptly. And to be fair, the story requires that a significant amount of attention to be paid to the details, the interactions between the characters, their dynamics and so on. Indeed, the author does work in conveying the facial expressions and the body language of the characters during these many periods of active conversation, which is excellent. However, I have to say that this story does appear to hold onto my hand throughout the entire piece. The implied information from the dialogue or the action sequences is relayed directly into the reader via prose, which limits the reader’s mind from considering the potential ramifications these subtle hints would bring to the story in the long run. Developing this investigative, inquisitiveness in the reader to ponder about how the events of the story translate to the development of the future chapters would help boost interest in the story, to make it more suspenseful and exciting. This makes the reader more engaged into the piece as the reader would be more proactive into reading between the lines. I would hence recommend the author to consider fleshing out these nuances and the hints in a more precise and even pronounced manner, and cut down on the expository elaboration that would otherwise allow the reader to skim through the excerpt. This aspect, too, has an impact on the pacing of the story as the reader would be more likely to skim through the chapters, making the chain of the events in the piece appear hurried. However, notwithstanding with the before-mentioned points, the author does do justice in the aspect of worldbuilding, albeit the fast pacing of the piece. This brings me to…

Fight Scenes

More often than not, it is impossible to avoid the art of the duel in adventure stories such as this. Dealing with the fight scenes in the story is a complex matter that is difficult to grasp for many writers, as it relates to the regulation of many things. However, there is one key concept that links all these components that are omnipresent in a fight scene, and that is balance.

For starters, in fight scenes that involve all three of the main characters in the story, it is easy for the author to focus on a specific encounter by one of the main characters with one of the bad guys in the story. Granted, it is true that, in some cases, the author wishes to emphasize that specific encounter to show how life-threatening, gripping the scene is to the story’s plot. However, I would like to say that a balance should be struck. Yes, I understand that this particular fight is crucial, but in some cases, the story draws attention to one specific character while neglecting the others. This weakens the overall atmosphere, the scene the author wishes to paint to portray to the reader, which hinders the excitement factor. Hence, developing the scenes in a more holistic and broad-based manner would be something that I feel would add to the depth of the piece. The focus of the scene must be clear, and maintaining this pivotal balance would be fundamental to build the action sequences sharply.

Another matter of import I would like to discuss relates to the previous aspect I have discussed. The reasons to why the characters are acting and reacting to the enemy attacks or strategies are spelt out with clarity to the reader to absorb. Even though this does make the fight scene easier to digest as the movements of the characters are well-justified throughout the piece, it makes the overall scene’s pacing to appear rapid. This is because the reader can quickly breeze through the text to obtain the actions of the characters and even the justifications to why in an expository manner. Again, balance is key. Regulating the amount of information to the reader and withholding some of the nuances of the scene would help deepen that impression into the reader by deny the reader any absolute chance of predicting the conclusion of the scene.

And speaking of building that atmosphere, one way would be via…

Paragraphing

I have to say that the author has done a good job in this department, for the prose came off as simple and easy to screen through and understand, thanks to the clear breaks between the ideas proceeding and following each one. However, this draws my attention to…

Transitioning in Fight Scenes

While I must admit that there are various instances during which the author has used paragraphing techniques to develop the air of suspense and tension in the atmosphere, I felt that the integration of these suspenseful moments in various fight scenes could have been better executed. The author introduces these scenes in a rather convenient manner, such as in the encounter with the Diamond Dogs in the First Strike. (To limit the amount of spoilers in this review, I am restraining the number of scenes I will make reference from.) The chain of events clearly demarcates the action sequences of the fight scenes with the author’s emphasis on the near-death experience for one of the main characters with a horizontal dash. Regrettably, I opine that this makes the link between the two to appear somewhat disjointed, weakening the experience, that connection between the reader and the character in question. I felt that this also made the events following this “suspenseful” moment drawn by the hallowing experience predictable. Hence, I felt that the transition between these scenes would have been better-handled. One key factor in this is transition the prose slowly into a pacing to regulate the excerpt into one of suspense to build that atmosphere the author would like to inspire around the reader’s imagination. By slowing the pace down, it gives time for the author to develop that, which is crucial in that foundational worldbuilding to make the transition become more natural. It thus draws that empathy between the reader and the characters and the dangers that they are in more fruitfully. Additively, this conveniently leads me to…

Transitioning between Romance and Action Scenes

This story has two different pertinent arcs of development. One is the development of the main characters’ treasure hunting adventures while the other is the development of the love and romance between the three characters on an individual level. The transition between the romance and the action scenes, again, could have been managed better. This is especially salient when one considers that both the romance and the adventure intertwine with each other, and links the main characters together.

The Fault in our Characters…

I felt that the characters in the piece had their individual flaws which is clearly depicted by the author in prose, however their flaws are not explicitly conveyed when the characters experience various challenges ahead of them. I felt that their flaws could have been more pronounced in the story to drive the point thoroughly that the characters are not as perfect as they sometimes appear to be. This could be driven more during moments when the three main characters face more difficult challenges in the chapters to come to help accentuate this.

Language

For its length, this story has a remarkably small amount of language errors that fail to distract the reader’s attention from the main premise of the piece. The diversity of the author’s vocabulary certainly helps to add a breath of fresh air throughout the prose, which is great to see.

Final Thoughts

In spite of what I have to say about this piece, I liked the development of the characters, their interactions and how they intermingle with one another. Although, I must admit, the amount of sexual innuendos in the story caused me to wonder whether I really enjoyed them more than I should. I had more ‘clean’ laughter with some of the other cracks with the interactions between the author and the characters in the piece, such as in the author’s notes.

Stance

With the aid of expanding the necessary narratives, emotion and worldbuilding and regulated, dynamic pacing, I believe that this story has a great potential to be an excellent piece. I have thoughts on each individual chapter, so if you would want to discuss about them in detail, I will always be here to talk about them!

Content/Plot: 5/10
Flow/Communication: 5/10
Language/Readability: 7.5/10
Overall: 5.8/10