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Review: The day of Reckoning

Summary: This story is about an oc named Odium who believes that the ponies of Equestria are evil. Do to another oc Gabriella who attacks the princess of Canterlot.

Data Analysis:  It had discord and the main six.  However, everyone one loves them

Critic: The flow of this story is way off and not interesting.  Here is why.  Fan wiki well I read his oc background story first. However I thought it was going to be a good story.  After going through Gabriella's background there wasn’t much to say why she is also a villain. In the story there is just not enough stuff that could convince me that Odium his oc just didn’t fit very well.  Oidium background has a lot on it’s plate but however, how you used him in this fiction was very stale and I’m pretty disappointed.  Maybe that’s why not a lot of people didn’t care for it near the end. It didn’t have that spark that every background story needs. What is that you may ask? It’s clear you need a lot of depth to make an oc to pop out to make it popular.

You need lore lots and lots of lore to make it good. You need to make the villains have a much more depth on agenda instead of trying to go for something that’s impossible to complete.  Taking on discord would be a higher challenge but even then your character seems pointless on taking all of them.  So far you haven’t given us any flaws to the OC yet I’m sure it’s going to be in the sequel?  But however, your arc was post to be in the first fiction to make readers understand the characters more before going into action. It may have hit your story brutally because of this method.

The idea of this is clearly 5/10  it’s ok for now but hopefully you do your sequel for better understanding the characters.

The flow of it was very bad. I gave this at least a 3/10.. Since I know both of your oc’s.

The dialog choices are very bland which rating it is at least a 5/10…  there are some sentences I feel like to question a lot.

And for grammar is a 5/10 you need a lot of work.  Grammar that is up to par is clearly at least a 8/10… however since it’s a 5/10  people who know more grammar could also be the ones as well.  People with high grammar tend to see a lot of mistakes.  A fiction needs high quality and your best work.

Some advice on making an injustice arc for you character please be advised that these characters I have an inspiration for.. However, you may have heard of them or not.

1. Death Note; Yagami Light a perfect example.

Your fiction as a final score of 23/40

Which is below average at least a 4/10.

I'm not the writer, but I can add something to this I feel, that lets this story down. The story was, for lack of a better word, spammed for over a year across multiple groups by the author, asking for help on basically everything to do with it.

And people helped with good advice too, I might add. But when it's the same questions over and over again on a monthly, and sometimes weekly, basis, then it becomes clear the author doesn't have a clear idea of what he wants to do, and is just throwing things at a wall, hoping some stick.

The OCs were, to be blunt, more bland and uninteresting that watching paint dry for 24 hours straight. Even without having been force fed this story for so long, nothing about them screamed interesting.

Odium being clueless enough to fall for Gabriella's lies might have worked if he wasn't so bland. She... I don't even remember anything worthwhile about her. Aside from her being the one Odium was dumb enough to listen to.

But that's just my ramblings on it. Take it however you wish. I'm no expert on any of this.

7472754
Thanks for the review and the advice, Flora. Though, I have at least one question to ask you: In spite of him being bland and uninteresting, What do you think of Odium's redemption arc and the punishment he got as a result of his actions?

7472754
Also, what can I do to make Odium more interesting and give him more depth and better flaws to his character than what I've tried to give him? Sorry, it's just that I want to find a way to fix his character and make him work besides just getting rid of him/deleting him entirely. I'm going to rewrite his entire personality in a way that makes the traits that I've already given to him, but makes him genuinely interesting and relatable this time.

7472853
Thank you, Morion87. Though, sorry to ask this question again, but what can I do to make Odium more interesting and give him more depth and better flaws to his character than what I've tried to give him? Sorry, it's just that I want to find a way to fix his character and make him work besides just getting rid of him/deleting him entirely. I'm going to rewrite his entire personality in a way that makes the traits that I've already given to him, but makes him genuinely interesting and relatable this time.

7473033
If you still haven't figured that out by this point, he's beyond saving, You're never going to convince everyone who reads the stories that Odium is worth the time and effort to stick around to find out what happens to him.

No matter what you do.

7473011
best advice is watch death note and overlord 1,2,3 to show better characters of interests maybe the dawn of anew life. That's is my answer... And now there should be no questions. it's said and done. I wont answer anymore questions.