TThe Monkey Business

• Equestria Girls
• Adventure

Fluttershy is captured by animal smugglers.

• Fluttershy (EqG)

mayorlight · 4k words  ·  32  1 · 2.1k views

Review: The Monkey Business

Tags: [adventure] 70%, [Equestria girls]

Summary:  Fluttershy talks to a few pigeons saying a about a monkey. Fluttershy goes to an area that had a monkey where Fluttershy get kidnapped by thugs.

Data analysis: I do think this fiction still needs a little bit of work especially grammar.  It is a good idea I do like bad guys that conflict with good protagonists most of the time.  The flow is a little bit rough towards the kidnapping Fluttershy.  Since it’s an E fiction it might have better descriptions if it was rated T or M.  So, I like to give some credit on making this happen.  It might need some polishing.

The score for flow is a bit weird in this fiction so I give this at least a 7/10.  It threw me off a little bit.

The score for the idea is an alright idea. I'm sure I have never seen this before until now which idea for this is clearly a 8/10

The dialog is a 7/10 due to some of it being strange.

Oh, dear me the grammar for this is clearly a 6/10  it needs more grammar love.

The final score

28/40

6/10