EBehind Stone Walls

• MLP: FiM
• Random
• Sad
• Slice of Life

Starlight tires to run the whole School Of Friendship by herself even during quarantine.

• Twilight
• Starlight Glimmer

Lonely Fanboy48 · 2k words  ·  9  8 · 442 views

Summary: Starlight is in quarantine. She's bored, lonely, and goes a little bit nuts.
That's literally it.

Plot:
Yeah, there isn't any. Like that sentence above -- that's the whole plot. All of it. Nothing happens, there is no arc, there's Starlight pretending to talk with cardboard cutouts of her students, then telling Twilight that she talked to cardboard cutouts of her students.
There's no arc, no plot, barely anything that happens.

Style:
Pretty lacklusre. There isn't much character there -- the plot doesn't really allow for it anyway. The text does somewhat translate the drearyness of the quarantine, so kudos for that, but that's about it. Grammar is pretty bad too, because the author knows that tenses exist, but not really how to use them properly, so that detracts from reading experience quite significantly.

Personal Opinion.
I try not to bash "I'm just working through my issues" fics too much, and this one is clearly just a doodle by someone bored and training, but maybe if it is that - don't submit it for review? Just a thought.
All in all, I see where you're coming from, LonelyFanboy48, but the pretty much all-around lack of any sort of lustre makes this an unpalatable read.
4/10

You mean she wasn’t nuts before?

7490341
Seems to be a recouring thing in this new "Force Covid to exist in MLP for literally no reason" genre. Though not with as much bad gramar and editing help as this needs.

I've read the story.

It could be a viable idea, and I mean, "write what you know" thing.
But it does require some thought and effort to be good.

7490392
Or you can do what I did.

7490341
Look, I respect the fact your being honest and I admit I’m never good a writing but the thing is, this whole pandemic is really causing me so much stress. I’ve been under quarantine for a year without getting a job. Even if my statement doesn’t make an excuse of why this story was poorly written, I couldn’t think of any ideas to make this story better.

I wasn’t originally gonna wrote this story because I was busy doing a We Bare Bears chapter story and when I finished with that, I still had little to write involving My Little Pony. This isn’t something I was looking forward too after 7 months of no MLP stories. The reason why I submitted my story to this group is because of how short the fanfic is. My other ones, no matter how much I enjoyed them, are old and the paragraphs are much worse.

7490454
Well, if you know the story is not well written, why are you surprised at the negative review?
I'm sorry for your situation, but I judged the fic on its own merits.

7490553
I was mostly expecting the direction of my story. And what I mean is mostly how the characters are portrayed while the vision of the plot can work out. Yes grammar along with past and present tease requires that too but in my imagination when I write them, it feels alright.

I’ve read stories from other people and while I understand they put effort into them, it’s mostly impossible to check through all the issues during the drafts. I’ve did fanfic readings of other people’s work and I’ve tried to get say the right words, mainly the ones I’m not familiar with. I’ve been doing proofreading of my recent stories and sometimes my editor isn’t the best, I only check through spell errors.

About you saying this being unpalatable to read, even if it was palatable, I doubt it will make any difference. The whole Starlight being under restricted quarantine is way too basic and putting more paragraphs in the beginning would only drag it longer. I wasn’t making a COVID-19 story just for laughs, it’s mostly about stress and depression. And for someone who’s still under quarantine even with people working over the last year, I’m like Starlight in this.

7490379
"Force Covid to exist in MLP for literally no reason" genre.

Don’t you really think that genre is still accurate even after a year? Not that you have bad tastes since you might of read better Covid stories but me portraying Starlight who needs to work for not only bits, but what she loves is what I’m feeling right now.