TThe Last Pony on Equis

• MLP: FiM
• Dark
• Sad
• Sci-Fi

In ponykind's final moments, the last living being left on Equis attempts to write down and compile all the tragic events which led to Equestria's downfall - yet truly, it is another purpose these notes serve.

• Death
• Other

Devona · 6.9k words  ·  32  2 · 1.4k views

Summary: I thought - we thought, sincerely hoped - that this century will the be greatest, mightiest in the whole history of Equestria!

Oh, how could we have been so wrong...?

Some things just happen... unforseen, I guess. Unpredictable. Unavoidable.
We couldn't have been more wrong... We really couldn't...

Initial thoughts: Scifi. it's well. Science eeeee stuff, and while I don't hate it, nor do I go out of my way to read it. Space just never really grabbed me. Not to say that it's not interesting. I'm sure it is to those that like this stuff. I guess it's not my "cup of tea" as brittish as that is to say. And I'm not brittish! This story is written in a prose that is very amitibious for what subject it is tackling, but well I'll be honest. I was bored throughout most of the story. Meh. 5/10

What I liked: I did like some stuff, not much. I do like how this story was presented. Almost like the last pony/alien of his kind to write this to the future generations if there were any. It's not an easy subject to tackle, and it takes a lot of those mechanics and does use them to it's advantages.

What I didn't like: Space. Yes. I didn't like the space aspects. I mean what did I learn? Nothing? What am I left with? Why do I care about this pony? I dont' want to sound harsh, the pony himself tells you not to care about him, and talks about the aliens.

Heart of the story: The "heart" here is the "letter" itself. He's writing to the future Equestrians so they don't make the same mistakes. This could have been a wonderful sad prose of Scifi/Sad mixture. However, it comes off as dull, tedious, and had me groaning the entire way throughout the piece that I struggled to finish it, and it's not even that long. 4/10

Characterization: I feel like the writer wants us to think there is no "character" here, And well I can't score what's not here. So yeah.

Story/Concept: Aliens, space, future generation, last pony standing. YAWN. I've seen it before and this brought nothing new to the table. 5/10

Originality/Execution: I don't want to repeat myself so here: 5/10

Overall score and final thoughts: This is a good experiment in writing, and I appriciate the effort that the author is making. However, you need to do more to sell a story like this, for what we have here doesn't make me "feel" anything for this pony, or these aliens, or this story. It just is. 5/10.

Final score: 5+5+4+0+5=19/50
3.8/10

*headpats*

7240061

had me groaning the entire way throughout the piece that I struggled to finish it, and it's not even that long.

I'm sorry for making you read this story, then. And double the thanks for taking your time to write the review.

Normally, I'd address a point or two, not really to provide excuses or anything (if something doesn't work, it doesn't work, and no 'intention' will change that), but to present my point of view on some aspects that have been pointed out, to give... a complete picture, so to say. This time however, I don't think there's anything to write about; everything seems to be generally clear, and so likely no comments are needed.

Thanks for appreciating the effort; if it pays off in any way in the future is yet to be seen, and surely not for me to judge when due time arrives.

I think this story's reception varies greatly depending on the reader's interests and preferred genre. I say that because the review contradicts greatly with some I already had (I don't mean the general score and evaluation here, although of course there are some differences there as well, but rather the details - what's a bit better, what's worse, etc.). I don't want it to seem like I'm trying to downplay your opinion's importance - as that's not the case at all. I'm the last person to get angry because of a 'bad review' or something like that, and I both really appreciate and respect your experience in the matter, and that's one more reason to thank you for taking your time to review a story like this. It's just that the feedback I got has been really inconsistent, and it's hard for me to decide which aspects are the worst, and which are... well.... better. The most contradictory aspects have so far concerned rather specific things, and so unfortunately I can't really say that this review helped me with what I hoped it would help me with; it did however give me... well, what a review like this is supposed to give - simply more insight into how the story turned out, for which I'm really grateful, as I am for all feedback.

I'm thinking of submitting the story for one more review after now to maybe help me figure something more out, but I don't know. We'll see about that one...

Hm. What else? It's nice to hear the text format changes worked okay, it was a huge experiment, something like that was completely new to me.

This was kind of my shot at making some more proper 'contribution' to the fandom (not something big, just something that is, you know, 'there' with many others, not doing more bad than good; the subtlest thing, just something that may be more on the positive spectrum), and... you know what? That may surprise anyone who may happen to read this, but I think I haven't utterly failed at that.

Now, this statement certainly comes across as arrogant and just, well... very self-centered, but hear me out, for it's for completely different reasons.

It's a closed story, it's finished, it's a piece of work which belongs to this fandom - that is undeniable, for better or worse. It's something one can, even with no pleasure, sit down and read from start to finish, getting to know the whole story in the process. In short, it's a complete piece, and... and I don't know if I'll ever put another one out, you know? I write, because... because I like it, even if I'm not good, that changes nothing; I like it, and whatever I write, it turns out unnecessarily expansive, with the story going nowhere, while already being set up for basically a novel. I'll try, but I don't want to say something I know may not be true here.
So... yes, well, it's a complete work, better or worse, and even if it provided one single person with entertainment from the upper side of the spectrum (let's say even, I don't know, 'fun rated 5.5/10')... then it gave someone something, and so... I'm glad that the story exists at all. Would I wish it to be better...? Yes... I would. Of course I would, why would I not? But in such case, at least it had some beneficial influence...

And I'm the 'okay at everything, good at nothing' type of person, and, well, I may not ever produce anything better for this fandom (or anywhere else, naturally). Will I keep trying? Yes. Thanks for the headpats. But it may yield no better results.

Actually, I feel like The Last Pony on Equis actually represents what can be considered the current 'pinnacle of my writing'... however terrifying that must sound to you, haha.

Oh, well. Thanks again for the review!
And I'm sorry for making you go through the story.

*headpats*