Set in olden day Equestria before the alicorn sisters came to the land.
For decades now Equestria has lived under the hoof of the Grey King, a pony that appeared one day and over threw the rightful royal family. There were a turbulent times when this first happened. But now ponies have grown used to his ways now, and live meek lives but cope.
Bright Horizons is a pegasus that has lived her whole life in her aunt's apothecary. The rule of the Grey King has had no outward affect on her life. Until one day the King's Guard comes for her aunt on false charges. After that her life is thrown into chaos and adventure; of magic and love.
If there is anything you dislike about the story, just tell me and I'll do my best to be accommodating.
I am putting this on hiatus for now, as I'm not as pleased with it as I am with my other stories. I will try to tweak it around though.
Title seems pretty catchy to me!
2492529
Thanks!
Seems interesting, if a tad fast. Have a like.
2493248
It will be slowing down to a proper, maybe even somewhat slow, level after this. It will still have its fast moment though mind you. Thanks for the like
A bit text wall-y for a first chapter, this is your hook here so you want to keep it reader friendly. I recommend indents and chopping up that stuff into paragraphs dealing with each separate thing.
2493719
Ok, I'll try to do that. I've been trying to tinker with it because it just doesn't feel right, maybe that is it.
**before I start reading the actual story**
It's been accepted cannon for a while now that mares were the dominant gender in the lore of MLP. It's also more interesting to read and write.
2496639
Yeah, I guess I was in a kind of bad mood when I wrote that particular part. I cut it for now.
A very interesting read. I like the olden day feel here
2528204
Whoops, thanks!
And... it is fixed!
Welcome to my fiction group, of Universal Alternates!
I hope we'll have adventures here, 'cause I've come with all my bits!
I really liked the description you've got, I think it truly fits!
Now all I need, is for you to heed, my editorial tips!
(Actually, I've got none for you currently, because I've yet to read. I'm currently at work, but I'll read this when I get home.
)
2572048
Okie dokie lokie!
Heeeeeey normal remember me? LOL
2589502
Eyup. Let guess you came to dislike my story?
Actually, it wasn't bad. Just don't be a D head.
2589721
Actually this is encouraging me to be a "d-head", as you so eloquently say.
Qeustru'!
2589502 All rise for a great American hero is in our midst fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/946336_519670814759919_1139226710_n.jpg Please recite the national anthem at your earliest convenience.
2592369 2592687
All hail wrestleforever!
gyazo.com/a2593b64c66bb14f7412292b7eab8131.png
I do find this story interesting though. I always loved the fantasy/adventure genre and medieval/dystopian settings are some of my favorite. It actually reminds me alot of this song
2592731
It's funny how you keep thinking that's me in that picture. my brother is thirteen and i'm sixteen. And didn't I block you earlier cuz you were stalking my family? You need to do something better than follow me to every fic I comment on, now that's sad.
2592932
Don't be so butthurt and I'm not stalking you dumbass, you put your address on the Internet and now people know who you are.
2592932 You must always remember that you were the one who wanted this. fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/935265_520421394684861_670058379_n.jpg You can barely call it stalking when you hand up your family on a silver platter
come kick my ass, I don't care. Since you guys are soooooo badass and cool. Come and beat me and my brother up.
2594650 That's nice sweetums.
2594650
I'm glad to know I am so bad ass. I'll let that reflect postively onwards to my story.
2594650
Oh just noticed this since I didn't get home til late with nothin to eat, but you mean my brother and I.
I wish I had more time to read these days. I'm finding so much lovely literary talent in the prose of all these writers which I brush against but barely get the chance to snatch a few sentences of the work of.