during a set of experiments that went very wrong, Artemis and his companions finds them selves in a new land with only one question. How to get back.
Chapters (7)
William Van Auger
Joined 4th Feb, 2012 ·
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just throwing Stuff at the wall at the moment. i had a couple of ideas and this was the most difficult so i started here.
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let me know what ya thinkjavascript:smilie('
So many grammatical mistakes...
Please take a lesson in writing, or get an editor. Other than that, this could be and interesting story. Make sure everybody stays in character.
Suspenseful!!!
250534 thats what this is thanks. i haven't done any proper writing in years and im working on a full novel that i would like to do well. but thanks if you notice anything massive give us a shout and ill fix it when i have time
I saw the title, and my first reaction was: Mother of God, YES!!
AWWWWYEAH.jpg
Ignoring gramatical errors, great work!
Bloody brilliant
Get an editor for the grammar. Other than that, good job
252057 i ran it through word before i uploaded it, really words like didn't are bad grammar. still i take ya point. though sometimes it is intentional to make speech seem more natural.
I don't want this to sound mean but i laughed for almost a minute when i saw your AJ southern accent. your AJ seems to sound like a stereotypical Scottish accent blended with a Irish accent than southern. its a good try for someone who isn't familiar with one though. I would suggest that when you write for her you spell everything normally with a few exceptions. Change words that end in -ing to -in', replace the word them with 'em and you can occasionally replace the word 'to' by adding an a the previous word. here's an example: "You all need to speak to them" would be "Y'all needa speak to 'em." it's best not to make accent over the top it makes it harder to read and doesnt really add much to the story.
Here is a good short guide to using accents: http://www.justaboutwrite.com/A_Archive_Uses-Abuses-Dialect.html
im dyslexic so i didnt notice many of the errors, if it were not for spellcheck i would never have gotten past 9th grade.
great story so far, i hope you keep it up.
now im going to have to buy the books again...
What? Artemis Fowl in Equestia? BRILLIANT! You, sir, have delighted this Communist. I cannot wait until the next chapter!
254515 at least it made you Smile smile smile
thanks for the site by the way it'll come in handy
WORD said no grammatical mistakes and that's what im going with. Anything major send me a comment or a PM. the next chapter might take some time cause i dont know what i want to do with it yet. hope y'all enjoy.
ARTEMIS FUCKING FOWL? EON COLIFER'S MASTERPIECE, this should be good. Word of warning though, don't screw it up..or I will find you..and I will eat you
so far i thank its going great!
If he had calculated correctly, as he always did(,) everything should go smoothly
Commas, lad. And watch those "i's"!!!! Capitalization in the Middle of the Sentences is Only acceptable if the Word that is Capitalized is Part of a Proper Noun! Or you want to sound like William Shatner, but that's a different story.
Live Long and Prosper.
~E.C.
I bet the royal guards are gonna learn some slick tricks from Butler.
274369 i had not thought of that. why the heck not
i = NO!
I = Good!
images.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw2351_large.jpg
282240 Its all fixed in future chapters. Because i decided to write the first one in the sites editor like an idiot i missed a lot of punctuation and stuff. From now on it is mostly fine. i will go back over it when i have time
ill never herd of Artemis Fowl before reading this so i wasn't sure what to expect, but from what i read this is looking good.
keep the updates coming
I did some quick reading up on all the characters you mentiond on some wiki, and they seam to be an interesting bunch to say the least, there are some interesting dialog coming up for sure, i like Artemis, he being this super genius, will be fun to see how the pony's react to him taking their technology level in account. and butler and the elf just sound badass as hell
verry good story
Cannot wait for the next chapter. This is just epic.
Personally, I like the Daring Do part. That seems like just the thing to slip by whatever Celestia seems to have in place to prevent knowlege about humans spreading. Your dialog seems to flow pretty well, I'm no English professor but I didn't stumble over it at all while reading. Don't sell yourself short. You're better at this than you seem to think you are.
Looking good. Aside from a few gramatical errors, you're doing great. Though it seems kinda odd that Artemis didn't jump to the conclusion that the ponies were the ones that took Butler.
312331 im getting to that soon
i have the sneaking suspicion that Zecora took butler wile out gathering ingredients.
just think. the search party only found some blood and broken branches. no butler. and it is clear that Artemis and Holly didnt find him.
process of elimination my friends. process of elimination.
Excellent
I disagree with your policy on grammar, if Word can't catch something as simple as was past/had passed.
I am, however, enjoying the ride. Looking forward to glimpsing the overall plot, and am in awe of your take on the Celestia/Luna relationship.
Given Twilight's library is the "Golden Oaks Library" in various pieces of canon, I'd say it's perfectly reasonable that a less precious acorn for the Ritual might be closer than we think ;)
I actually almost felt as though I was reading the next book in the Artemis Fowl series, but you are putting so much stress on how Butler died that it's obvious he's still alive, presumably saved by Zecora. Maybe you could get some people to pre-read. Nothing else to say really except that this is GREAT
!
473180 i do have a pre-reader.
i wouldn't go that far, my writing needs a lot of work.then again it is always nice to hear people enjoy my work
first
and next ch plz
F*yay*k yeah, Butler's alive XD
551977 maybe a tad obvious but its my story and i can do what i like. writing does have its advantages
552117 Sorry for that, but Butler was always my favorite character, besides Artemis (I just never get tired of reading about people being clever), because he's like the Batman of the Artemis universe, nothing slows him down, he comes back from death, he 's cool he's suave..... I'm gushing, and I think you get the point.
Applejack's accent is spot on and the rest of the characters seem to be fairly in character.
554572 its fine. to be honest what im writing is set between books so i can't really kill anyone off. i will be setting up my next project in the final chapters of this story but i wanted to do this first because its harder to write from a background that already exists. though im having fun thinking of things they can do. hopefully i can fix small problems that have bugged me about the real storys.
i hate you... i kinda saw it comin but with the cliffhanger and all...i hate you...
556666 you mad trollface.jpeg. honestly it felt like a good stopping point. don't worry the bigman will be back in action. the next chapter will be a lot shorter so you wont have to wait long
556441
Ihave a feeling you just gave away a key plot point
560300
orly? how so if you dont mind me asking
The chapter is over?
Butler is alive!
And now, I wait for the next amazing chapter.
562093
That this is between books and that nobady can die without coming back
565350 to be fair i couldn't kill anyone off that was alive at the end of Atlantis. otherwise i'm screwed when Colfer makes the next one and i have to explain how they where bought back
254075
This story would make it through Word fine, however some of he spell-checked words are the wrong uses. I agree completely with:
282240
While the story does have a good premace and decent word choice (some words are homonyms of what should be used), there are some issues to be fixed. First there, they're, and their. Not the same word, second: redo the first chapter, it's a major turn-off in reading the story. Bad grammar does not attract readers, grammar is as important as the premace and excecution of the story itself. I would seriously consider a pre-reader, if only for a second opinion.
607993 i do in fact have a pre reader who does a good job for the most part. and i have already said that i will redo the first chapter when i have some time but at present i'm writing one fan fic, planning a second, trying to get another one i promised to make work in the context of MLP and trying to write a full novel of my own creation. not to mention that i'm unemployed and looking for work. on the subject of their there they they're etc i dont really have an excuse but i will say that it should mostly be fine as my pre reader catches most of the problems before i submit. i know its a big deal but at full tilt i type sixty words a minuet so its easy to make mistakes. i can only ask forgiveness and hope to do better in the future. And thanks for subbing by the way
wow. whoring myself out on funnyjunk payed off? fair dooz internet