fimfictionfan17
Joined 30th Apr, 2013 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I like it
more please.
Thanks im glad you like it, im working on writing the ending right now and should have it posted within a day or so
I did write it in Microsoft Word but that is about as far as I went to fix the grammar errors. I will fix the grammar/punctuation errors when I get a chance but I have been busy lately
. The next story I will publish has had been gone over by a member of The Proofreader Group and should be easier on the eyes.
The language is pretty simple, you could try to put more details in each scene, it makes it more personal and you get a better connection to the character. Also you should use more paragraphs. the text blocks make it hard to read. especially at the start.
Overall you write on a very basic level. I don't want to bash you, no one starts as a master.
The idea is nice though the resurrection itself could more of a secret or something. Maybe something prohibited because it takes a toll on the caster.
Last thing: Try to put some mimic or body language in it, it makes the whole thing more lifelike.
2576125
Oh good heavens! I love your profile picture! That's awesome!
Alright to me it felt a little monotonous, though I found the plot quite nice.
that would make it better
You should definitely use more dialogue tags and vocabulary.
Kinda dark on twilight"s part but in all very interesting way of setting up a clop with a dark story line.
I'm going to be brutally honest here. The writing was extremely weak. The story line was great but the writing was cringe worthy. But the thing that annoyed me the most, no, made me want to curl up in a ball and cry was that there's 4,443 words and not 4,444 words.