Edit: Now a collaborative effort with Loyal2Luna
Commander Shepard has been through a lot, but now that the Reaper War's over he can finally relax and take a little R&R, right? Soak up the sun, grab a few drinks, spend some quality time with Tali, introduce a new race to the galaxy... wait, what?
In the aftermath of the war, a new species has been discovered amidst the destruction and fire. A species that have access to powers never seen before, powers which could prove vital to the continuation of galactic survival.
The Citadel Council has elected to send Shepard, along with the rest of the crew of the Normandy, to introduce Equestria to the universe outside of their solar system.
Now Shepard must wade through obstructive bureaucrats, antagonistic journalists, and the odd, angry prince in order to bring Equestria into a new age of space and adventure.
So settle in, it's going to be one hell of a vacation!
Now has it's own TvTropes page
Did you just restart?
And make the chapters even BIGGER???
Oh dear.
So a complete rewrite?
2691664
Pretty much. It's much better now
Well the rewrite is good, I guess. It does change some major plot points. But my opinion is unchanged.
Even if the Citadel wants exploit Equess resources, joining them is still the best option.
Even their abilities, the ponies and the rest of the other natives would not be able to stop an invasion from vastly technologically superior foe.
Better the protection of the Citadel Council than subjugation by the Terminus Systems or the Baterians.
Of course the world's governments would have to come to some sort unified consensus. The ponies don't have a right to decide the fate of the entire planet.
*slow clap*
Amazing. Okay, I have all doubts erased. You'll make this story a good one.
I love the confusion about how the sun and moon orbit the planet.
I do like the rewrite. Flows a bit better at the start, and adding the resource-richness of the Equus system to the mix makes the Council's desperation ring better.
Hmmm.... where have I seen something like this before, with the superior species wanting the "inferior" species resources? Oh, yeah... *cough*JamesCameron'sAvatar*cough*
Though, this is Mass Effect... so hopefully Sheppard 'll put the boot to the Council if they get too uppity.
I just hope the Equestrians will be able to get some of those resources - which are in their system, mind you - and won't be exploited; they better be compensated really, really well...
2691877
Keep in mind, Shepard is the one in charge of negations, also I was going more for European/American kind of thing.
Although in this case the 'Indians' are perfectly capable of defending themselves, and once again, this is Shepard we're talking about here
2691821
Depends on how you define ownership of a solar system. Does it belong to its inhabitants, or is it up to a "supreme" council to decide on what's "good" for the galaxy? That's what has always terrified me about letting a small group of people making decisions that can effect an entire race...
Okay, so far this rewrite has a lot more emotion to it than before.
2691918
That was one of the reasons that we did it so I'm happy you noticed
Yeah, it definitely all feels better now, feels more complete.
Absolutely dying to read that first contact chapter...
I'll be honest.
The rewrite was much better than before, and it's high quality enough to be compared to some of the good authors on this website (the coauthoring might of helped).
However, I'm still wary about this crossover. There are a lot of things that could go wrong. I'm just happy that you've stuck with the basic plot.
webmemes.org(milk)
THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING!
2691877
I would say the chance for galactic advancement, protection and the chance explore galaxy should be a good starting payment.
In fact, just tell them how bad off the galaxy is right now and how the ponies abilities could save billions of lives. Being the goody two shoes they are, the Equestrians would jump at the chance. All Friendship and Tolerance and stuff.
2691898
It pretty much belongs to whomever gets it first IMHO.
But.. I may be misremembering, but something in the Codex mentioned how the dominant race in a solar system had rights to the system or something. Or that might be Star Trek. Not sure.
Still got to side with Council.
Pretty much galactic civilization is facing economic collapse. Like most post war scenarios, that is just ripe for all sort of unrest, revolutions, and brush fires all over. A mass influx of resources as a stabilizer could saves systems all over. Shepard's a nice guy, but he has always been a big picture person. At least how I played it.
It's funny this economic problem wouldn't occur with the Blue or Green endings because the Reapers would be around to help rebuild. Hmm.. wonder what synthetic fused Equestrians would look like.
when I suddenly had five updates but only two stories updating and I checked the other one which had only one chapter, I was saying to myself, "well. either this guy added four chapters at once or fimfiction is glitching again." but no, a complete rewrite. good to know you are collabing with Loyal2Luna, I trust her after how her two ME crossovers have gone great and so far great. I shall start reading now.
Oh my god, this looks amazing :) Like the re-done version a lot better :) Then again, I liked the original as well :P
2 things.
1: Do not use CAPS to denote emphasis. Only extreme volume. Use bold and/or italics instead.
2: If Celestia and Luna are not controlling the sun and moon but rather overriding the rotation of the planet, it's actually less believable.
2692000
1. Noted, will be redone in the future
2. For the sake of the plot, we're going with the one that is less believable (in my opinion both are equally impossible but Loyal believes that gravity is easier to manipulate then a star so I suppose it's a matter of opinion)
The Council wanting the Equestrians(planetary natives, not ponies) to side with them us most likely the best possible course of action, given the fact that the state of galactic civilization may rest in their hooves, paws, hands, claws and other manipulative limbs.
If civilization as they know it wasn't on the edge of collapse and Equus was discovered under different circumstances, it would be best for the Council to observe Equus and keep the system quarantined so that the natives come into the galactic playing field on their own.
I applaud this story. Please continue.
no Javik? Why no Javik!? also this is good but I liked the version where shepard and his crew died and became ponies so.. do you think you could bring that one back?
celestia you could pretty much demand a seat on the council for even lending them a quarter of your planets wealth, do so, get a seat asap so you can control what they try to do to your world.
Rewrite is much, much better than original. Go ahead and say, "Thank you for saving my sorry ass, Loyal2Luna!"
...
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SAY IT!
That is allot of thank you cards that Shepard needs to wright...
If he starts right after this mission, he might finish when he is 112 years old or so...
Great job getting a better foundation for this story, since it is the most important part if you dont want it to fail later on.
It looking better already!!
Not that there was anything wrong before mind you....
Although I am still kind of miffed on the "Pegasi can fly over mach one" shebang.
That said, I like your explanation for magic, as it is reasonable and fits in the universe.
I'm hoping that some of these things the ponies can do are only because they are on Equus.
Like Rainbow Dash can only break the sound barrier because the energy unique to the planet allows her.
Any where else, she would be grounded because physics is king.
I dunno, I just don't want to see "magic = I win" I've seen before.
Maybe the powers of the pony race (unicorn/alicorn magic, ambient magic for pegasi/earth) are only viable on planets that are similar to Equus? Maybe a planet has to contain enough of some new undiscovered element that allows the pony magic to work in the first place?
And should you make the existence of such an element a reality, could it work on other races too?
Humans gained biotics by being exposed to eezo while in the womb, I believe, provided the child survived. Could a human exposed to the element use magic, be it direct like a unicorns, or ambient like an earth pony?
That being said, I only have one last thing......
t.qkme.me/3pj9wg.jpg
Scumbag Javik.
Now.
Or be branded a primitive.
And be summarily thrown out the airlock.
Go through it one more time guys, there are a couple more errors to fix. Shouldn't take longer than ten minutes, but definitely better than the first rewrite. Read through it one more time, though, and you'll see what I mean about the errors.
So an interstellar civilization wants to exploit the resources of a pre-spaceflight planet to save their economy? That sounds awfully familiar...
In the Demoman's words of wisdom. . .
"KA-BLEWY!!!"
O my gosh! The loopholes, they're disappearing!
Although, if the council is broke then Shepard could save the galaxy again by marketing. "Im commander Shepard, and this is my favorite (insert product) in the galaxy." BAM! Problem solved
That would be cool news for Equestria though, "Hi there, nice to meet you. Are you aware that your system has a net worth of over (Big number) galactic credits?"
Time for some good ole first contact scenarios.
I do wonder where Javik is in this story. so far, it's great.
2692358 I second this motion
Thank the Good Lord in Heaven for proper word usage.
Though I'm a bit confused, was "Destroy" taken still, or did something else happen?
[Edit]
Neever miind.
Read the next chapter.
2692358
2692476
Agreeing with the two gentlemen up top. Averting "Magic = Insta-Win" is a bit of a must with a crossover like this. That said, I'm assuming the Ponies will be equally awed by all the fancy technology we have lying around.
. . . Minus A.Is. For now. There's a reason I don't consider "Destroy" an option when playing ME3.
Though it is the only ending where Commander Shepard survives, and makes for a plausable crossover I suppose.
2692000
The rotational energy of an Earth-sized planet is quite a bit less than the power needed to pull a G-class star around said planet. Still ludicrous, but it's not really any worse.
The real question in my mind is, why would anyone bother to expend such enormous energies in a perfectly functional universe where you can just let gravity and the planet's rotation do their own thing.
2692439
Javik, looking at the ponies:
- Unbelievable! The Equestrians finally stopped taking shit as they walk.
2692690
It's because if we assume the sun is a magical artifact about the same size as the moon, it's less preposterous than imagining ponies surviving having their world spun half way around the sun in a minute.
Who is saying this?
I'm guessing Kaiden, but it could be Liara.
Edit: Or Garrus.
Thank you for the piece, I will enjoy!
2691673 Well, a rewrite is okay, I guess. As long, as you keep spoilers to a minimum. I haven't played Mass Effect 3 yet (though I am going to), so please, leave the major plot points out of it
Wow, this is a lot better then last time. And "teh lulz" are equally good.
I can imagine Hacket trying to explain the world of Equestria to Shepard like Brony would do MLP to a Non-Brony, awkward.
Warhorse 40k. Somewhere in an alternate universe, the God-Emperor just raised an eyebrow and his servents went completely nuts.
Shiny, put down those Haylo books will ya, they are getting in your head.
Of course the Harmony Cannon! L2L, would you please not reference your own stroy? Its awesomeness makes me head spin.
2692690 The planet is probably tidaly locked with its sun and so requires outside aid to function.
2692752
I figured they were talking about the planet's own rotation, not it's orbit around the sun. Flinging the planet halfway around the sun in one minute is flat out impossible, magic or no magic; the planet would have move at around 25 times the speed of light for that.
I don't remember the sun being a magical artifact before the rewrite though, I seem to recall it was still Sol-sized then, but actually orbiting the planet. I agree that's a far more credible proposition, though (it being an artifact I mean).
2692850
So give it a push, just one is all it takes. Once it spins, it'll keep spinning. After all, we're talking about a planet and star roughly on par with Earth and Sol respectively, and we haven't stopped spinning in four and a half billion years, even with a big-ass moon slowing us down.
I could use an explanation of how this solar system works.
I liked it better when I was a single planet system and the Princesses controlled the sun and moon directly. In MLP canon, isn't it that Luna refused to move the moon out of the way to cause eternal night? I could be remembering it wrong.
You know, the Canadian in Shepard really comes out when he says "eh" at the end. Which is great, considering he IS Canadian.
Also, just a few spelling errors, which as a Mass Effect fan, I feel MAY need to be addressed when you have time.
There were at least three instances of Kirrahe being spelled in three different ways.
Also, it's Rachni and Kahje, I believe.
Just my inner Mass Effect nerd coming out of its shell for a bit, don't mind me.
The lack of EDI hurts this story if you ask me.
Hmmm the new versions of the chapters were longer and seemed nice
MOre details of what was happening and etc...
although I don't want to sound 'ungrateful' or anything, I was expecting for the new chapter
but, if the next one is as good as these revised ones.... I guess it will be worth to wait another weak
But please... make it as fast as possible