Doctor's Orders
"How long until we arrive in Manehattan?" Lyra asked, raising her voice above the redundant 'click-clack' of the train's wheels.
"Should be about an hour, like I said five seconds ago," the doctor replied, looking somewhat annoyed. "He's got enough meds to keep him under for at least another three, so it's not a problem."
"Fine, just- tell me if something goes wrong, okay?" The mare queried, biting her lip. She felt Bon Bon's reassuring hoof on her shoulder, and the duo left the car, quickly taking over an empty bench. The car was noisy, filled with ponies that had no idea of their predicament, nor their friend's plight. Lyra leaned against her friend, feeling her eyes droop as scenery whizzed past and the background noise almost seemed to become more dull. "Will you wake me up if I try to sleep for a while?"
"Don't worry, I won't let anything get past you. You'll be the first to know," Bon Bon replied, her usually upbeat demeanor replaced by worry and dread, the likes of which Lyra had only ever seen on the mare's face one other time.
"You better make sure that's the case," she mumbled, poking the other mare's chest menacingly.
"I will," she said quietly, letting a small smile grace her lips. Lyra did the same, closing her eyes and letting her head fall into the warm, almost welcoming fur of her friend.
_______________________________________________________________________
Lyra exited her schoolhouse slowly, both annoyed at the teacher's antics and drowsy from the lesson. What right did she have, giving them summer homework like this? Lyra was pretty sure that old bat was specifically out to make her life annoying.
Some colt pointed at her and snickered, causing the filly to roll her eyes. Stupid colts, she couldn't figure out what happened between now and adulthood that seemed to make them entirely less annoying. And less weird, for that matter. She watched one of her classmates run by, followed by several others. Lyra saw them start down a hill before they caught the pony out in front, immediately slamming him into the ground amidst some yelling and laughing
Lyra jumped slightly, taken aback by the immediate brutality as she felt a tap on her shoulder. The filly yelled out, expecting a punch before she realized that it was just her friend, Sky Blue.
"Jeez, you're jumpy today. Seen a ghost?" Sky tilted her head slightly as she asked the question, while Lyra looked back to the group.
"No, they're beating up that kid over there!" She yelled back, making a move to help before a hoof at her arm stopped her.
"What are you really going to do?" The dark blue filly asked, shifting her attention between her friend and the fight.
Lyra looked around for a teacher, somepony that could help, before she broke free of Sky's restraining hoof and galloped straight into what could easily be a lot of pain. But she couldn't just let him stay there, not like this. She pivoted on a fore hoof and bucked one of the colts under the jaw as she entered the fight, sending him flying backwards. It had hurt quite a lot to do that, actually, even though it'd kind of been painless when she had envisioned it in her head. Stupid imagination.
The other two colts looked away from the bloodied foal for a moment, and to her surprise he was already to his hooves, landing a punch before they were able to pull Lyra into the fight. He was whacked and sent back to the ground only a few moments later, refusing to give up as he got back to his hooves and struck out yet again.
It was brutal, and she couldn't see how the kid was still going at it, but some part of her admired his stubborn nature, even though he probably knew he was screwed in the long run. His blue eyes met hers for a moment, almost seeming to communicate his thanks before he dodged a punch shakily and threw one back. Lyra was almost frozen, it seemed, as a hoof contacted her cheek and she was sent backwards, flopping on the ground as blood seemed to completely fill her mouth.
What's-his-name was still trying, standing defiantly in front of her while he tried to stare down the biggest of the colts, bucking him in the chest before he was knocked aside and the bully approached. The colt stood over Lyra, and she felt a chill run down her spine. She wasn't... going to die, was she? Could punches kill ponies? Her eyes widened as a hoof raced towards her face, before she shut them tightly and tried to prepare for the pain.
But it hit the ground next to her and the colt yelled out in pain. He was trying to shake the beaten foal, who was biting at the much larger colt's neck, determined to come out on top. Lyra wondered why the teacher hadn't come to the rescue yet as she was jerked to her hooves and pulled away, down the hill from the schoolhouse. The same foal that had stood up for her was the one helping her out of the same situation, rushing her off to... somewhere.
Lyra looked back, pulling herself away long enough to buck at one of the colts that had followed them, as the other two looked up innocently to the finally useful teacher a ways behind them. But the mystery foal didn't seem to care for the possibility of immediate safety, pulling her still further until they were well into a nearby copse of trees.
"Who are you!?" She asked immediately, forcefully pulling herself away from the colt as soon as she was sure they were safe. "Why the heck were you even fighting them?"
He sighed and walked over to a still pond, trying to wipe off his face. "My name's Caramel. You?" He asked, seemingly avoiding the question.
"Lyra," she said, shaking his outstretched hoof, which was covered in blood and dirt. "Thanks for... saving me back there."
"I should be telling you the same thing. It's not like I could do much until you bucked that one guy." The colt replied, his voice becoming more quiet and withdrawn.
"Yeah, well..." she replied, rubbing her cheek as it began to swell. "I've never really done something like that before."
"Neither have I." he replied, shrugging. "But I kinda talked back to their teasing, and I guess they didn't really enjoy that..."
"You're hard-headed though, I like that." She wiped some blood off his face, feeling a twinge of pain from her own. "So, friends?" she asked, sticking back out her hoof.
Caramel grasped it almost immediately, shaking it more heavily than she would have expected, given his state.
"Friends."
________________________________________________________________________
Lyra awoke with a jolt, looking up into Bon Bon's eyes in fear as the day's memories came flying back, colliding inside her head in a disorganized chaos of words and images, things she hadn't wanted to remember, yet was forced to. It hurt, not being able to know what would happen after all these years of being his friend, resigned to second hand information from the doctors. The train cornered and Lyra slumped into the wall, letting out a quiet groan that went against her usual boisterous attitude.
"How long was I out?" she asked after some thought.
"Forty five minutes or so, we're going to arrive pretty soon now." The mare grabbed her saddlebag from its place on the floor and opened one of the pockets, pulling free a few pieces of food. "Apple?" she asked.
"No, I don't really-" He stomach grumbled. "Dammit, thanks." Lyra replied, swiping away the fruit and taking a bite.
"Some things never change with you, huh Lyra?" The cream mare asked, her face contorting into a smirk.
"I jrst likr foord!" She yelled back through her full mouth, splattering the mane of a stallion in front of them with apple bits. After a few moments passed in silence, besides the attempts of Bon Bon to keep from laughing, Lyra figured that the stallion hadn't noticed, and took another bite. "Irts nort funnr!"
"At this point, I'm just glad I'm able to laugh at anything." she replied, wiping an eye as they lapsed into silence. "I'm worried about him. I know that seems obvious, but they've never seen something like this before, and I just wish we knew something."
"He's a tough guy, Bon Bon. There's no way something like this could keep him down." Or so she hoped, anyway.
"You always take shots at his masculinity, why the sudden change?"
"Oh, that stuff." She waved a hoof dismissively. "He knows I don't mean any of that, otherwise he wouldn't take shots back. Anyway, I've known him for years, and he's probably tougher than anypony, whether I joke about it or not," Lyra finished, crossing her arms in annoyance at Bon Bon's insinuation of weakness.
"Jeez, I was just asking."
"Yeah, well I-" She sighed. "Sorry, I guess I'm just a little high-strung today."
"I'd be worried if you weren't, I suppose." Bon Bon mumbled, throwing a hoof into the seat in front of them as the train lurched and braked. "Hopefully we're here." She said, looking out the window at the outskirts of Manehattan. "Yeah."
"I thought it'd be bigger." Lyra commented, finding the tops of the apartment and business buildings to be shorter than her imagination had made them. She got up with Bon Bon, retreating into the medical car as ponies raced around, doing things she couldn't begin to comprehend as they checked vitals, systematically holding onto something as the train lurched to a stop, almost resembling one big machine.
Hardly a moment passed before Caramel was off the train and to the edge of a buggy, being quickly transferred as a doctor folded the wheels upwards and rolled him inside. Lyra ran up to the edge, watching one of the ponies bite his lip.
"We don't have enough space, you'll have to follow on hoof." He wrote something on a small pad of paper, tearing off the top piece. "Here's the address if you lose us."
"But-" Lyra said, before the carriage lurched into movement.
"Where are they going?!" Bon Bon yelled as she caught up, breathing rather heavily.
"They're going to the pony that can supposedly help." she broke out into a gallop without another word, hearing Bon Bon's hooves on the cobblestones behind her. Lyra sped up slightly, knocking over a pony as she tried to keep the wagon in view. It wasn't traveling quickly, exactly, but the crowds had really picked up and she was having trouble actually going in a straight line. Luckily for her the wagon buggy took a turn onto a less populated street, stopping in front of a house a ways down the road. Two doctors got out before she arrived, carefully lofting Caramel up the stairs to the Victorian style building.
"Wha... Is this really a hospital?" Lyra yelled up, successfully getting their attention as the back one turned around.
"It's private practice! This guy's done research for decades on more obscure sicknesses, so if anypony can figure this out, it's him."
Lyra sighed, slowly following up the stairs and through the now open door. She backed out and threw a wave to her lagging friend, who was not as far behind as she had expected. Bon Bon trotted up the stairs and walked in beside the aquamarine mare, moving into another room with the doctors and Caramel.
Another pony walked in after a few minutes, his nose in a book. He noticed the covered pony and sighed, taking some paperwork from a doctor. "All of you, out of ze room!" He yelled, making the other occupants jump.
"But-" Lyra tried to rebut, before she was ushered out by a doctor. The door closed behind her as she struggled to break free, held tightly by the stallion.
"He'll be fine." He said, letting her go after he was sure she wouldn't run back inside. He turned towards the front door, beginning to walk down the steps with the empty stretcher.
"Where are you going!?" Lyra hissed, hostility evident in her voice.
"He doesn't like doctors that aren't his. We've done all we can."
"Fuck." She said under her breath, punching the arm of her chair. "Fuck you."
The doctor only threw up a hoof as he left, hopping back into the buggy quietly.
"Lyra, jeez. He's just trying to help."
"Hardly," she mumbled. "Here we are, in some private practice, because apparently hospitals just aren't good enough for whatever the stupid doctors haven't seen before. What if he dies, Bon Bon? What are we gonna do then? He's my best friend, what am I supposed to do?"
Bon Bon let out a squeak under Lyra's stare, watching the unicorn get up and move towards the door a moment later. The doorknob barely moved before stopping, and she swore under her breath as she realized that it had been locked.
"I'll show you, you little piece of shit," she muttered, reaching into her saddlebag and pulling out a couple of lock-picks that she'd made herself. Lyra inserted them into the key hole of the deadbolt, carefully pivoting them as she watched the slit start to rotate. Bon Bon was looking on in shocked silence, probably afraid of the doctor on the other side.
With a quiet click, the door opened and she put away her picks, noticing that one had chipped slightly. Lyra peered inside, watching the doctors at work. None of them had tools, and appeared to be checking over Caramel's body for signs of trauma and things of the like. One of them was going through his mane, parting the fur slowly with hoof gloves. He lifted his hoof and blew off a few threads before continuing, excitedly chattering to the head doctor a moment later as another started to say something else about his back.
The head doctor peered into Caramel's mane, looking through a few sheets on a clipboard and furrowing his brow. "...Earth pony?" she heard him ask, as one of the workers nodded. Why did that matter?
A few more minutes passed of hurried movement and paperwork checks before Lyra was forced to advocate her post at the door and scramble back to her seat. The door blew open and the head doctor exited, looking like he was about to kill somepony.
"Do you tink this is a joke? Zer is a pony in zer dat supposedly needs my help. But interestingly, ze records zay dat he iz an Earth pony."
"Well yeah, they should. He is an Earth pony." Lyra replied, raising her voice.
"Oh yes?" he asked rhetorically. "Zen why, pray tell, is there a small horn on his forehead? Or fledgeling wings on his back?"
"Bullshit." Lyra spat. "If you don't know what's going on just say it."
"Oh, but I do. A couple of no good foals think they can screw with me. Vell, I'll have none of it!" Caramel was wheeled out, as one of the other doctors mouthed the words 'I'm sorry.' "Take your friend and leave! I better never see your faces in my practice again!" He left with a stomping of hooves, slamming the door behind himself.
Lyra felt a tear start to roll down her muzzle, and made no attempt to stop it. She was past trying to look tough. Caramel was out of options, and she couldn't help but feel the hopelessness sink in. The mare walked over to Caramel's body, Latin her head on his chest. She'd always been the mare with the plan, but when she needed her characteristic ingenuity the most, it deserted her without a trace.
Lyra could feel his heartbeat, thudding softly in his chest. She remained in the same position for a while longer, staring at the door in the hopes that the doctor had made a mistake. Sure, she'd never heard of anything like this either, but the idea that the doctor's first idea was of a prank was just ridiculous. Lyra stomped over to the door, her anger rising as she found it to be locked again.
"How am I the foal?! What if he dies from this?!" Lyra took a breath in, her voice starting to crack. "You're a doctor, how can you not care?" she finished pathetically, her muzzle soaked with tears.
Her anger flared again and she drew a hoof back before throwing it into the adjacent wall and denting a chunk of plaster. She swore under her breath, trying to calm herself as she breathed in deeply, and then let out a measured exhale. Lyra turned back to Bon Bon, who was pacing around.
"Listen Bon Bon," she started, watching Caramel twitch under his sheet. "I don't know where we can go," she sighed, "but if he comes to, being here won't do him any good." Lyra wiped her eyes and carefully transferred Caramel to her back, letting out a grunt under the weight. "Come on, we've got a friend to save."
Truthfully, I see a fatal flaw already. Alicorns are rare. So much so, that rather than kicking Caramel and co. to the curb, ponies would be notified, it'd come to the attention of the Princesses, etc. Nopony is going to start growing wings and a horn and be kicked to the curb by a medical professional.
Sorry, but you've blown any chance of me finding enjoyment in this, just... Too many liberties. Especially with the lack of an AU tag. Just isn't happening.
2987872
I can kinda see where you're coming from, but then again you're still assuming some things yourself.
The fact that alicorns are so rare is what makes the whole thing seem ridiculous. It's like, if you were a horse doctor and a unicorn came in. I doubt the first thought coming to your head would be: "real unicorn!", especially if the medical records said the opposite. I mean, something suddenly growing new appendages (without nuclear exposure) is ridiculous. Maybe all doctors wouldn't react the way, but it only takes one stuck-up guy. Besides, this is a pony with decades of research in the field. If he didn't know what it was, well, then he'd got all the reason in the world to call it a hoax if he wants to. MAYBE it would seem plausible if Caramel was already a unicorn, and he had some magic going on, but the fact is that he's supposed to be a mundane earth pony.
Here's another thing. If it was a hoax and the guy brought it to everyone's attention as a reality before that fact was discovered as a trick (think magic, which could do a lot more than just smoke and mirrors, even if things stay temporary), that would kinda ruin a career. Somewhat like those conspiracy theorists or guys that claim to be abducted by UFOs.
I guess what I'm saying is, things could have gone any way out of this one, and I'm sure there was a good chance of things turning out this way. Maybe you don't agree, but I know I gave it some goddamn thought.
Edit: First version was a bit vitriolic, this one's more concise and to the point.
Hey Doctor, just out of curiosity; What's your opinion of the new alicorn princess in Canterlot? You know, the one that grew new appendages?
2988180
Not sure if you're supporting my point or going against it. I mean, Twilight didn't exactly grow wings, they just were kinda imparted upon her. immediately. I'm pretty sure it would've made news if she was incapacitated for a while, during which time new ones grew in.
2988213 I'd think in a world with Poison Joke, age changing spells, the flutterwing spell, illusions, changelings, spells, etc. he would entertain the idea that something weird has happened to the patient. In the end, the patient is in pain, his friends are worried, and they came all the way here for his help. After all that, a little weirdness with his paperwork can be overlooked long enough to do a thorough examination at least. One X-ray spell, and "Holy Celestia, he's got wings growing there!"
In other words, I have to agree with 2987872, the doctor just kicking them out because he thinks he's being pranked is not only hard to believe, but makes him out to be so self centered that Blueblood thinks he's an arrogant prick. That, and I always have a problem with the magical pony refusing to believe the completely rational explanation of, "It's magic!" In their world, refusing to acknowledge magic as an explanation, is like a modern police coroner refusing to believe that somebody with holes in them is dead just because they didn't find any bullets in the body.
"The report said it was a possible gun shot, but I haven't found any bullets in him! This is just some sort of prank isn't it! He's not even really dead! I don't know how you were able to mimic the lack of a heartbeat, pulse, or breathing, but it must be a prank because the paperwork said gun shot but there are no bullets! Now go away and take your friend with you!"
2988278
MOST IMPORTANTLY, what if the doctor's thoughts were grounded in reason? He could have run tests on the wings and the horn, but you the reader know little to nothing. Suspend your disbelief, and maybe your questions will be answered.
I cant give away exactly why he thought so, because it would give other things away, and he didn't explain why he thought it was a hoax in the first place. You're assuming too much about how these things worked. They will be explained, just like everything else. Have some faith that I'll work things out. It's not like these things are supposed to stand alone, and things will come to light. You kinda have to put together the pieces of why things turned out like this, because what fun would it be if I said everything immediately?
I should have probably clarified that earlier I was talking from the perspective that I for some reason thought that all the chapters I've wrote were already released. Sorry about that.
2988119
Let me look at it this way. You have a medical professional in a world which, going off of Canon, has very few alicorns. Of those, Celestia and Luna have been such for over 1,000 years. The doctors obviously have no clue if they were born, ascended to such, etc. You have Cadance, who is likewise mostly unknown, also a princess. You have Twilight Sparkle, who is also a princess, and just went 'poof, wings and earth pony magic!' in a near instant.
Caramel would be a medical professional's dream come true. A living, breathing case study in which a normal Earth Pony, especially a stallion (if you'll recall, the track record is kinda against this, 0 for 4), starts slowly growing the new appendages. Now, sure it could potentially be a hoax, but the chance of it being the case of a lifetime would override anypony's other potential reactions. I mean, if you're trying to draw any sort of parallels to our world, just look at some of our doctors through the years. When something new and breaking was available to see for potentially the first time, doctors swarmed to the location to come together and closely examine the phenomenon. This is very much the same thing, hoax, poison joke, magic, etc not withstanding.
Yes, this is based on the fact that alicorns are rare. You say they might not be, but per canon, we haven't seen anything to really support that. If you had used the AU tag, I wouldn't have ripped into you like I did, at least not as hard. But, you wouldve had to specify that alicorns aren't rare, which you did not. Not to mention, you have the original doctor who transferred them there. He's just going to... leave them in the street? What? I mean, what sort of fucking doctor is he? He takes them all the way to Manehatten, and he doesn't get kicked out of that office for bringing an Earth Pony to this asshole doctor you created? No offense, but were you thinking at all when you put together that scenario? If this guy is completely unwilling to believe this, it's not the potential patient that should be suffering, it's the doctor who brought it to their attention. Caramel was still in obvious pain and not doing so well.
I'm digging into you so hard right now because this was a great premise that you just blew up with this bit. You have to keep some level of plausibility when writing a story, even if you do apply an AU tag and make liberal use of that. You have neither the AU tag, nor any level of plausibility. Ruining a great premise is about the worst thing a writer can do in my eyes.
And oh, your blog moaning and groaning? Really? Sometimes, even with a lot of followers, a story is barely going to ripple. Especially if you don't blog or promote it at all. And then to feel pressure when folks point out flaws, well... you really should've thought this through a little bit more this time around. That, and you shouldn't care what we say about your writing if you truly do it for yourself. I'm just gonna stop now.
2988278 - Basically. You hit in the stuff I didn't properly elaborate on in my first post.
2988751>>2988278
Alright, we seem to have come to a misunderstanding, which I've only made worse. See, he reacted the way he did, which is meant to appear ridiculous and barely grounded in reason. I think I achieved that part. But you still don't know what the doctor knew at the time, that's the important part. I'm not an omnipotent narrator.
I don't want to feel like I'm begging for readership here, but in chapter six (which I wrote a week ago) everything kinda explains itself. If you could read to there and then make your judgment, I'd be pretty happy.
When I was writing those comments last night, I had forgotten that I'd only released to chapter three, because I was talking from a kind of 'what are these people even complaining about when it's explained' point of view.
2987872 and 2988180 I can see where you guys are coming from, but personally, I think Agent Snail is fully justified in his interpretation.
Yes, you could argue that a lot of doctors would jump at the chance to study a pony/alicorn transformation. However, you could also argue that a lot of doctors would be highly skeptical.
Think about it. For over 1000 years, there were only 2 known alicorns. Then along comes.Cadence, making it three. Several years later, a unicorn earns the right to become an alicorn princess through the power and magic of friendship. And suddenly, within potentially a week of the New alicorn princess, we have a male alicorn, the first one ever, turn up out of nowhere? I know I'd see it as someone wanting to jump on the band wagon, rather than a legit case.
Oh, and one more thing. It's Agent Snail's story, not.yours.He might be planning some big backstory with the doctor being fooled in the past, he made a big deal, and it got him disgraced or something, and how he's angry at the world.
Tldr: I think you're doing well Agent, and I'm gonna be following this for the foreseeable future