A guide to survive
If you are reading this then she has probably captured me do yourself a favour read this, destroy it and watch your back.
1. The basics.
2. To avoid capture.
3. If captured and escaping
4. Staying alive.
* * *
The Basics
The "Cupcake" system is something most ponies will disregard as a foal's tale, something to convince little ponies to play nice with one another and to help every grandmare across the road that they come across, I know otherwise.
Nopony is completely sure of how it works, if it's a randomly generated individual each time, if it's whoever this sick individual decides has fulfilled of sorts, for all we know they could be decided by how many stray strands of hair there are in your mane, while much of it is up to speculation, there is one thing we know.
NOPONY is safe no matter where you live or who you are she will come for you. Some have speculated that individuals in positions of power are removed from this twisted lottery, frankly the only reason that we've deduced as to why this could be the case is the simple fact that it's much easier to convince one pony to look the other way, than to remove a succession of those that won't.
* * *
Avoiding Capture
(Note 1) You know how your mother always said never accept something from a stranger? This applies here, specifically.
Many points in which there has been evidence of a fight, things being moved in an odd fashion, traces of: ponies, gryphons, minotaurs and various other species, who have somehow vanished, are almost always accompanied by half-eaten (sometimes they don't even get that far) snacks, of the baked variety.
(Note 2) Always lock up at night, if you feel unsafe, if you feel as though you're being watched from a distance or as though something just isn't right always stay with a group of friends it won't stop her, but you know what they say about running from manticores, faster than your friends, not the beast itself.
(Note 3) As noted earlier, there is the suspicion that individuals in higher positions may be "immune" to the selection process, we have also come to the conclusion that while dangerous, the individual we're dealing with, is not alone. Various sources who have helped compile this guide have noted how every now and then, just as they go through their day to day life, they'll sometimes see somepony with that little glint of insanity in their eye, just to find themselves running from the murderous mare within the next few days.
(Note 4) In the event she does try to capture you and you are unfortunate enough to make direct contact with he, I'm sorry, but all that can be said to do is run, run as fast and as a far as you can, you can't stop running. Your life is now about survival, finding odd jobs to fund your travels, feeding yourself, keeping yourself on the move, doing anything you can to keep yourself going, because you are no longer safe... not that we ever where.
* * *
If captured
If the worst possible event should come to pass, if your days, weeks, months or even years of hiding have seemingly been wasted overnight, I pray for your swift demise and sanity, however, should you be more capable then others, perhaps even here, you can survive.
(Note 1) She will almost always have a helper, usually a young filly or colt, always bringing new victims hardly gives her time to keep constant track of them or to take "care" of them.
(Note 2) The twisted mare has many a ways to rip a stallion or mare apart, you can find yourself with nothing but your nerves, skeletal structure and muscles showing and she'll somehow keep you alive. As gruesome as this seems however, multiple individuals have noted that in their younger years, they were rather athletic, well built individuals, these types found themselves being starved, being left to rot and wither away before they're brought under her scalpel.
Within this scenario you'll normally be in a cell with a skylight, leaving you exposed to whatever elements the day decides to bring about. You'll quickly discover, however, that you have little to no chance of making use of the helper, yet, as they'll be clever about dealing with you, making sure you're never near enough to the door to try anything funny. As time goes on however, you'll find your chance, they will come in at some point and that's when you take your chance and your hostage.
(Note 3) As of this point you're own your own, through thorougher investigations my associates and I have come to the conclusion that she has multiple locations in which she keeps her victims, that or she changes her traps every other day.
My only piece of advice is to watch for a symbol of several balloons, this typically seems to be the right way to go and remember, should the dreaded encounter come with her, stand your ground, make use of your hostage, endure what you must and escape.
* * *
Staying Alive
Unfortunately ,my dear friend this is not much I can say help you here, you have managed to escape the most evil and twisted being alive but you will never truly be free.
You will always have to live with the fact she is looking for you, that she will show no mercy and worst of all you will alone, for every moment, of every day, for the rest of your life. For with this, you must understand, there is not a single living individual that you can trust at this point, this is you versus them, and victory is nothing but solace in your solitude
----
Entry Log: 2nd of the Morning star.
I have been alone for several months, my nightmares plagued by her infernal laughing, I find myself shivering during a beautiful summer's day. I find myself disgusted by the idea of food, the risk that it presents and yet I force myself to eat, if only to silence my growling stomach, if only to prevent giving myself away to any listening ears.
----
Entry Log: 5th of the Dawn' star.
It has been a while but I traveled back to my hometown Ponyville, it's as I've always said, nowhere is safe, now. The first Pegasus to do a "Sonic Rainboom", what was her name... Rainbow Dash, yes that was it, she's been missing for sometime apparently joining the Wonderbolts....honestly when I think about it, when I sit down and consider every possibility and even after considering everything, I know, it isn't a coincidence, I know she is involved.
---
Entry Log: ??? of the Twilight's star.
Another poor soul, another Element of Harmony. At this point one has to wonder if this individual has some sort of agenda of their own, perhaps they seek to conquer our kingdom, although at this point I'd say they already have, the princess on the throne holds no powers in the shadows, it seems.
---
For a short time, I had remained hopeful, I had began to delude myself with the idea that I had been lucky, that despite all those before me, she had forgotten about me, that despite all that she had done and all those that had come before me, that I had been the lucky one, that she had left me alone, and yet here I am, preparing myself to die, preparing to hide this little book, so the maybe, if somepony, somebody reads this, they will survive and they will be able to stop this madness.
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Interesting concept. But... is this really a manual? Because they aren't allowed any more.... right?
Gotta admit.....this is pretty badass!
So, yeah, I'm fucking tracking....we NEED more cupcakes stuff here.
209910: There allowed, and if not....FUCK THAT!!!
Good story dude....
209910 I think it's because I put a small bit of plot at the end that they published it.
XD, This is obviously a tribute/ponified version of Zombie Survival Guide. This is just great.
209916
No, manuals are no longer allowed because they are not stories. That being said, I thought this was ambiguous enough with the bit at the end that I allowed it.
209939 You are the single greatest human being alive.
209924
Ah. Well then, good job brosky!
I'm not hateing this in the least. I really like it.
This was pretty good anyhow.
So....what does everyone think of it? Seriously I hate it when people just read something and walk away without commenting also I don't care if you hate on this so much my eyes bleed I'd prefer bad feedback than no feedback.
Back in 1963, me and a buddy named Dutch were fighting off the US Army in the 3rd Equestrian Armored Division. Befire I could blink, a huge pastel-colored thing, I think a cupcake, came streaking through the air, and blew up the Sherman next to us. More came, and we were knocked out, including us. Next thing I know, me and Dutch are tied up, next to ten other ponies, and she... she's walking along beside us holding a Kar 98 with a bayonet, similar to the ones we used. She would walk along, and stab each man- er- stallion in the gut 4 times at the dawn of each day, weakening us. After a while, she assigned us these huge tin trays that we were to climb into, and they would be filled with cake batter. I realized we were all going to die, so I told the commander, a fellow by the name of Seventy Six, and we made an escape plan. Only me and Dutch made it out alive. Dutch died a few days later when we were re-assigned into the 9th Equestrian Armored Division, when our Sherman caught fire from yet another gigantic flaming cupcake. I was captured by the Americans, but SHE rescued me! I said to her, "Thanks, honey!" and went at her with her own bayonet. She escaped, but she didn't forget me too easily!
210017 While that is extremley awesome....I don't get it.
This is amazing. You need to edit it, though. There are a few, scratch that, a handful of spelling mistakes. Otherwise, this is amazing!
210017
What the? How does that even? Idk...
Does Twilight have this in her library because I may need this in the future.
210030 I know the mistakes your speaking off and they shall be fixed
210017: img.ponibooru.org/_images/dc944a7a53f4addf4dc8908399233580/46183%2520-%2520animated%2520did_not_read_lol%2520gif%2520image_macro%2520lol_didnt_read%2520meme%2520rainbow_dash%2520tl%253Bdr.gif
But seriously, I actually thought that this wasn't allowed anymore, but then 209939 set me straight.
I guess a lot of us will be expecting you to continue this then.
Awesome guide/story bro. But I have a few questions. Does being banished to the moon make you safe? Also, what if she runs out of ponies? Will she completely remove the 4th wall and turn US into cupcakes?
210042 Bro if one person asks me to I will do ONE more chapter because I know exactly what I'd be doing.
210058 Looks like I am doing the second chapter *rubs ands gleefully*
210058 Omg, metroid prime fusion for an avatar...Sir media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lw2nsrL07z1qfpxdz.gif
210109 /)
The hoof is up. Don't leave me hangin'.
210126 (\ boom
....... Best..... Cupcakes..... story..... EVER!!!!!
210023 Yeah, I know, I suck.
210191 Make that into a story or I will kill you. Seriously that was amazing how did you come up with that?
I have no Idea what I just read... but I like it
209910 they said the same for MFT's and a very popular one of those is still up and gong strong
210357 MFT, what's that?
210374 mystery fanfic theatre. its when you take an already written story and put commentary about the story from characters and stick them between lines of the story. go read 'mystery pinkie pie theatre 3000' to get what i mean
210393 Aw yheah read that I've seen the movie versions.
Part two please thank you and have a cupcake.
210199 Boy, I made that up ON THE SPOT! Well, most of it!
210666 Same here.
I like this
5 track fave
210677 ON THE SPOT, MUTHA*Squee*!
210419 a beautiful story
great
210199 you dont have to kill fleetwood brougham cupcakes got them and they were found in twilights library and twilight was like
and trixie was all like 
and celestia wuz all like 
and then pinkie pie was just like 
and said ''life is a party' and then pirincess celestia died now equestria is in eternal murder cuz pinkamena diane pie became ruler of equestria you must save me i managed to sneak on pinkies laptop but she knows im here she is banging on the door i dont have long 
HELP ME PS: pinkie pies cupcakes taste pretty good with those little lumpy things in them all i heard was screaming then a loud DING sound and suddenly we were all eating cupcakes MMMmmmmm but then i found out what they were made of and was all like 
also the door code for me was 72896 she put up a clue for anyone close to escaping i was lucky im good at maths but my friend pinkie dug a sharp butchers knife into my friends thigh and i had to slam the door shut but there is another door please HELP ME do you have any information on this ''second door'' also great survival guide
275085....*Blows up door* What second door?
275105 oh god thank you
also pinky is a bad bad girl/demonic pink demon of the hellish underworld of equestria aka pony satan also i love how they always have that cute little *squee when they are consentrating on something also pinkie has made it that she takes 5 victims per day and leaves them all in a hole in the ground i endured months of that cuz i was a late developer i bought myself time by making the most of what i had and when pinkie or her assistant were nearby i looked strong and then when i couldnt take it anymore i was about to give in and let myself die from despair i made so many friends and all turned into ''cupcakes'' ugh even the thought of it makes me fell sick also the hole i was in stinks cuz well theres no toilet so '' i made use of what i had'' aka a hole that i was in and the lock code on the second door was set to change every 2 years so if pinky rebuilds that door someone has to find out the code or make it so the code never changes and wait i feel like im being watched i have to post this befo
210042 In fairness Poultron is very forgiving if you have some story in your story. I should know.
281540: Alright then
another chapter but this lne from someone else prospective becuase the guy clearly died... also end it with the last option stop running and become the hunter instead of the pray... most likely nobody has done that so the person wont expect you comeing back ready to end the madness...
I am a human that got captured even though i never met my capture (i am guessing the show is how) and lucky me i escapped with my life due to useing the hostage method... but becuase of the fact i am bigger then a pony they would do "sessions" and becuase of those sessions i am missing this... all the fingers of my left hand plus the hand. my right eye. my left foot. some "unnecisary" internal orgins. my hair but that will grow back. i have scars where they cut me. i have a "smile" cut (cut from one check to the other to look like a permanent smile.). ok now before my escape i killed the assistant (i dont care if it was a filly survival is all that mattered). i also managed to remember the location of the place. after recovering in a hospital i thought long and hard and decided i wasnt going to let anyone go through with that ever again. I tracked down the place and managed to get my revenge out on that colt and decided to see how he liked it!!!
*continues*
after getting my bloody revenge i decided to keep a memeto... i keep the same knife he cut me up with. but i have the feeling that just becuase he died doesnt mean it was over...
well anyway i am going to talk to pinkie for a bit. but something aint right... i did not find the new assistant when i killed him... well that is not a big issue now is it. i am going to check on the noises comeing from sugercube corner at night. they... remind me of the torture... i am bringing the knife and the gun i brought from my world with me just in case. (gun now has ammo but didnt back then) hows that storie sound?
383543 Honsetley you should have kicked her since the table would have to strap you at the knees.
385414 one this one was not pinkie but her predasecsor and i am sure they would of taken precautions. (for the record he will either A.get caught or B.discover what pinkameina is up to and put a stop to the madness.Or C. becuase he did exactley what his captures did and loved it, become a helper. (no one is uncoruptable) which do you think?)
385835 I burst in with a tommy gun and kill everybody.