- Member Since 26th Sep, 2011
- offline last seen 5 hours ago
Uros
I write all the time, I give too much detail, I am a pervert and I will not act my age unless I am in a bad mood. Welcome to my mind, don't get hit by the bucking door >:3
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- leaderofstars · 27k words · 9 25 · 1.3k views
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FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Well that's pretty fucking suicidal. Why don't you summon THE BLACK FUCKING PLAGUE, at least IT wouldn't ENJOY killing you.
...
Ah, where was I?
First off, the slight variation of the “Twilight screwed up” gag is not too original. At least you give her credit for being experienced in magic.
Second, use spellcheck. You didn't screw up badly, but I spotted a slip-up once in a while.
Third, you also make punctuation errors sometimes. Again, not too bad.
In the end, your current writing is VERY ENJOYABLE, but a sophisticated grammar nazi might wince at some of your mistakes. The mistakes take little from the story however, so don't feel too bad. I probably won't write anything as engaging. (IMHO.)
I am curious to see how romance will play out in this story. It was interesting to hear your take on the “lifestyles” of the ponies regarding their sexual activity, and how Twilight considered what might take place if “J” (the MC) was invited to one of those activities. I don't know what people are going to say if that happens in your story, so just think about what you write. It's good to hear that you are going to put warning labels. You might want to make everything a bit clearer, because I got a little confused at a few points at what was going on.
So, ignore the nasty comments (if there are any), and keep writing! This story has great potential.
And that's all ah have to say about that. (For now.)
well you have my attention let's see if you can keep it
Woah...you've got something here. Deeeeep. Will read more!
bad grammar makes this story even better!
All bow down the the almighty Lauren Faust!
Interesting way of incorporating her into the story. I hope to see more of this!
that was creepy
Well....
I never thought I'd see amnesia TDD in FIM, but well executed.
...and J mirrored what I did after I first played that game; grabbed a bottle of vodka, woke up two days later in a hospital room
Yay! new chapter, and a spicy one to boot!
Happy ending! Please i don't want ...."that"
pinkie to be a reality. 
Now that is how you write a STORY
You should bee proud of this masterpiece
Hats off for you
Submit this to Eqd. It's really good and really long.
40017 Cannot, it has sex, gore and the like. They have rules against it, so I more or less CAN'T even if I want (which I do)
40067 Do not rush the art 83! I do what I can as fast as possible :3 But even enjoying it as I am this is quite stressful. I will probably write chapter 10 and take a few months of relax (One or two), or maybe reach chapter 11, but I really want to take a little rest. I have been writing this for a few months now and I want to see if, for once, I can plan things ahead a bit.
40017 Cannot, it has sex, gore and the like. They have rules against it, so I more or less CAN'T even if I want (which I do)
40067 Do not rush the art 83! I do what I can as fast as possible :3 But even enjoying it as I am this is quite stressful. I will probably write chapter 10 and take a few months of relax (One or two), or maybe reach chapter 11, but I really want to take a little rest. I have been writing this for a few months now and I want to see if, for once, I can plan things ahead a bit.
loved it like always and can't wait for more!
as for taking a break....WHY DO YOU HATE US SOOO! Nah just kidding, but we will be watching
bravo good sir bravo
MAKE ANOTHER CHAPTER!!!
Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?
MAKE ANOTHER CHAPTER!!!
40708
Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?
"I had to kill innocent things for food" Face palm.
Was going good for me even though it was getting heavy on the personal skill department until that. one. line. Only thing that went through my mind was "my god not another one of these." Its just personal preference but i'll continue reading to see how it goes. Seriously hope it doesn't go in the direction i think its heading.
Yup Celestia is a hypocrite. She claims that she hates humans for the darkness in their hearts and the pain they cause others but so far she hasn't done anything to show me that she's any different than those she hates. She would have killed him if not for luna just because of his species not to even mention the mind rape and the one way binding contract that will end his life if he even steps slightly outside the law or goes against twilight. I don't see how she has any right at all to try to take the high ground and i seriously hopes she gets fucked up in the near future. Its a failing of mine but i dont like hypocrites. Especially hypocrites like celestia who hold that much power.
Seriously though make sure J's able to take her apart verbally if not physically.
So is this fully dead, or just kinda sorta dead?
Am I gonna live to see the next chapter is this now dead
Umm... Please continue this story. its decent compared the crud I read before... I mean... if thats okay with thou.
Celestia don't be a hypocrite your just as bad as humans your a manipulative, conniving, bitch who gets anything she wants done no matter who it hurts
It's good to hear you are enjoying writing this. If you can actually keep that enjoyment maybe you will actually be able to keep this going for a long while. The only other author I knew that at the time seemed this dedicated was Coal Buck. I can't wait to see where this story goes and I think it has the potential to be a true epic. (Massive story with lots of adventure, not the apparent new definition that just means like cool or awesome. Although it is very cool so far.)
....Again,Tia,You forgot/fucked up something fierce.He's going to be a Warrior/Protector/RPG Knight/Paladin correct?...Yeah,You just removed his ability to heal at a pretty damn nice rate,Stole most of his energy,And likely screwed up massively the chances of getting a truely powerful protector.Because think about it,With a decent protein supply,And enough adrenaline.A human can overpower most anything with little more than a sharp rock or a large stick.Take that,And add in a constant supply of energy that comes from absolutely every creature (IE,Mana).Now,You make a few dozen enchantments to his body to make it so his physical abilities get upped to a herculean amount,Shove in a karma shutoff valve (Basically,He gets nerfed massively is he aint fighting the good fight,Corrupt ponies dont affect it,And innocent anythings do),A manual deactivation spell,Some enchantments on his bones or something that store more mana than normal,And one that causes anything he digests to fuel its mana directly into the battery enchantments.And BAM,You have a Karmic Guardian MK. IV Celestial Paladin
3910769 ....Holy fuck i ramble alot
Hooo damn.........
This is SO CLICHE AND SO HIE that i simply want to VOMIT!
OH MY CRWJKasowfdwoqfnqw GAWD!
DUDE! Tragic! "THE DARK SIDE" The tragic hero, and Celestia the "BAD EVIL" who fqelögqblg
UEUEUEGWWEWWEHE PLEASE! I wanna read the story, but tell me that it is getting better...
I'm cringing so much right now...
It's always the same.
Human, fight with parents, accident, Twilight portal stuff, Celestia and the "tragic poor human" who is a hero, and feels bad for ... some weird things which no one wants to know...
i'm getting sick.... eugh....
I hope chapter 3 is finally without those clichees, because the story itself isn't that bad, and the character (you?) is somehow.likeable.
J got very crunk that day.
So uh. Take all my YES.
There is no group of favorites I have for this story. Tis is rare.
Alucard: "HAHAHAHAOH MY GOD HE'S STILL F*!&ING FAT!"
Al please stop