Confessions
~~ The following occurs mid season three~~
~~Any resemblance to characters fictional or otherwise is purely silly~~
The case of memories opened for her magic. A few odd objects lay inside, each with their own story that she tried to remember. There was a silver glint from a ring that she didn’t recall seeing the last time. Curious, she tilted her horn to put the ring on.
Chapter 1: Confessions
It was a lazy summer day, though that never stopped Twilight Sparkle from doing her studies on a regular basis. Vacation time was no excuse to stop working. However, despite her commitment, she allowed herself to indulge in the agonizing, yet delicious torture of daydreaming. After all it wasn't bad to think about them being together. Was it? She gazed out her bedroom window into the wide open sky, thinking of her secret. Her crush.
The warmth of the sun beat down upon her in her dreamy state. She should have been doing her studies, but Twilight let her mind wander in spite of herself. The conversations she wanted to share with her crush ran through her mind. They would talk about nothing, let loose secrets and, when Twilight was feeling daring, they would make breathtaking analyses. Thoughts of such dangerous critical thinking made her fidget, uneasy in her seat.
Morning passed for her with little change, her eyes glazing over. She was moments from falling asleep when a knock at the door startled her into falling off the bed. In her dreamy state, Twilight had thought it must be her crush at the door, but that would be jumping to conclusions and Twilight Sparkle was confident that she didn’t do that. Or at least she tried not to.
“Ow.” At least she was awake now, she reasoned.
“Are ya there? Twilight!” Applejack called.
Relieved that it was not the pony of her daydreams, she trotted down the library stairs and let her friend in. “Hello, AJ, what can I do for it-” Twilight stuttered. “You?” She hoped the freckled mare wouldn’t catch her slip up.
“Ah’m here cause you wanted me over for lunch.” Applejack gave her a questioning stare, as Twilight checked her schedule more than anypony but if Applejack was any judge Twilight looked more surprised than a rooster in a hen house. “Remember?”
“Oh, right, yes. I wouldn’t forget.” Twilight said, clapping her hooves. Her schedule was happening exactly on time for once! “But I am a little distracted,” she continued. She retrieved her pre-prepared lunches from their respective, readied receptacles, placing them upon the coffee table. “And that distraction is exactly why I wanted to talk to you today.”
Now, to get down to business, Twilight thought. She arranged herself, sitting up straight, eyes forward and a smile on her face. “What I wanted to talk to you about. Is... is...” Her happy mask faded as quick as it had come and her words paused mid sentence.
AJ laughed, an amused laugh that echoed her hearty nature. “Well shoot, Twi. You call me over here, putting this lunch together weeks in advance like it’s all really important and when I get here ya ain’t got nothing to say!” Applejack tried to hide more laughs after she saw her friend’s red cheeks, but they came anyway. An awkward silence passed between them.
The librarian’s mane was in a tussle, she was blushing and her raised shoulders made her look crumpled in on herself. What’s worse is Applejack’s attempt at a good natured ribbing hadn’t done anything to help the situation. Poor Twilight, Applejack thought. Twilight started awkwardly playing with her tail. Applejack sighed; she knew what she had to do.
Twilight was so involved in trying to think of how to confess her crush without embarrassment that the warmth of a friendly hug threw her off guard. Applejack smiled. “Tell me what’s going on Sugarcube. You know you can trust me.” Twilight leaned into her friend. AJ’s words rang true. She could always depend on Applejack to be there as a loyal friend. Or was she the honest one?
“I,” she started, “I kinda-” Her body stiffened. “Have a crush on somepony.” She cringed, waiting for the inevitable explosion of emotion. Here it came: the lecture, the talk and her eventual breakdown. Seconds ticked by in agony yet the pleasant summer day continued.
“That’s all?”
Twilight’s thoughts were a fervor, her face running through emotions until it found indignation. That’s all? That’s all? This is a big deal! You don’t just shrug off- AUGH!
AJ’s sandwich all but disappeared in a single bite. “No offense there Twi, but you had me real worried. I mean, the lunch, the schedule, and you’re frettin’ like a nervous school filly. A crush is,” Applejack thought for a moment, putting her hoof to her chin. “Well, it’s perfectly normal.” Her words were a statement of calm, simple fact.
Twilight took a deep breath; her friend was right. Everypony had a crush every once in awhile, right? Her books said so. “I asked you over today to-” she stuttered again. If Applejack was correct, why was that stutter still stopping her voice? Why did she want Spike to come by and distract them? Why was her heart beating at an excessive rate? Emotions... they always interfered with her analysis.
Lunch had been so easy to plan in her head: Invite Applejack over, explain how she feels, dissect the problem and use Applejack’s penchant for advice to come up with a solution! But now, as push came to shove, her heart fluttered and she had to catch her breath.
She pushed past her fears to speak her mind. “I want to ask some weird questions. I mean, I feel this way and I can’t think straight when I should really be studying, but there’s nothing I can do about the crush. Well, there’s something, this is something but this won’t make the feelings go away but I don’t want them to go away, should they go away? And... AUGH!” Twilight’s face met her table in an undignified thump. “I want this part to be over,” she mumbled into the wood.
AJ went blank and stopped chewing as an idea entered her head. “Twilight?”
“Yes?” She lifted her head from the desk, her face puffy.
“Do y’all have a crush on me? I mean, I wouldn’t normally think you’re into mares but this is... something.”
The exasperation on Twilight’s face softened as she chuckled. “No, Applejack. You’re a reasonable friend, but this is somepony else.”
Applejack had to resist rolling her eyes, after all only Twilight would consider ‘reasonable’ a compliment. “Do I know him?” she asked.
“Her,” Twilight blurted, putting her hooves over her mouth in a futile attempt to stop what had already been said. AJ’s surprise was plain as day. Twilight bit her lip and continued. “And yes, you do, but I don’t want to say who it is. I just- I want to tell you about it and see if there’s anything we can do.” Applejack swallowed the last of her bite, nodding.
“I’ve felt this way for a while.” Again rambling her thoughts her hooves worked over one another and she stumbled over her words. “I’ve tried pushing it away, and I’ve thought that the feelings weren’t right or it was just a harmless infatuation. But...”
AJ could see where this was going. “You’ve fallen head over horseshoes for her?” she said in sympathy.
“Yeah,” Twilight sighed, staring into space, conversation once on the tip of her tongue lost to thoughts of her crush.
As far as Applejack knew the nerdy mare didn’t know apples from oranges when it came to romance. But the shy, nervous nature of the usually direct, active pony told her that this was more than a little crush. “Awww,” AJ’s heart melted. “That’s great news Twi.”
Twilight sighed, returning her thoughts to the present. “No, it isn’t.” She fiddled with her uneaten sandwich. “I am unable to fulfill my crush. You’ll have to trust me when I say it is impossible. I’ve taken full stock of every possibility and avenue and there’s nothing I can do.” She punctuated her words with an air of certainty. “She is-” Twilight stammered, ”She is not mine to have. Not that she’s taken, or... or she can’t care for me. She’s just- Her and I don’t go together like that.” Her hesitations were becoming worse, betraying her faltering emotions. “But I like her so, so much. It’s not a simple kind of crush I don’t think. I’ve tried time and again to dismiss it, move on and tell myself to get over this fantasy.”
The depth of sadness in her words made Applejack go in for another hug. Twilight made a move to shrug AJ off, but accepted her friend’s help, holding on for a moment.
“I want to,” Twilight whispered, “I want to do all kinds of things with her. What’s worse is: I like thinking about her. I make up fantasies, ignore my studies and I enjoy it. I think about what we would say to one another. I think about enjoying her company and I even think about... other things we could do together. Math for one.”
Applejack bit her lip to hold back a laugh. She had a lot to think about, and there wasn’t a whole lot of her sandwich left to think on. They sat in silence until Twilight began her meal. Her symmetrical bites left and right caused AJ to let loose a giggle, and while Twilight gave her a look, the play of the interaction lit up the mood.
“Now ah don’t mean to go picking at sour grapes.” Twilight’s inner bookworm twitched at the false analogy. “But are you absolutely, positively sure that nothing can come of this here infatuation?”
“Positive.” Twilight slumped.
“And she’s a good friend, right? You two aren’t about to split ways over this?”
“I- I don’t think we would.” Her pose was uncertain and she huddled in on herself again.
“If you want my opinion, Sugarcube, and it seems like ya do.” Applejack met her eyes, her voice calm and soothing. Advice Applejack, Twilight observed, the side of the mare that Twilight had set up this whole lunch for. “Your best bet is to just talk to the mare. If she’s your friend she’ll understand. I’ll even stand there ‘side you if you want, and I’m sure any of our friends would do the same.”
That was not what Twilight wanted to hear. “I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.” Her eyes shut. “No no no no no. This isn’t something that you just... just do!”
Her look of terror did nothing to sway the other pony, AJ’s smile turning into a scornful lip bite. “Now you know this isn’t healthy, Twi, otherwise you wouldn’t a called on me to help you out.” Instead of the anger Twilight expected, Applejack’s voice remained compassionate, if loud. “So stop acting like a school filly and tell her!”
Twilight was taken aback by the outburst, but her eyes glinted with hope, wanting Applejack to be right. “You... you’re sure our friends will help?” She asked, her timidity ebbing.
“Of course I am Twi. It’s the honest truth when I say we all care for you and it doesn’t matter which of us it is, we’ll help you be as happy as we can.” Although AJ’s words seemed to resonate with her, Twilight was still visibly uncomfortable. What could make her comfortable, Applejack thought. Aha! “Come on now.” Applejack winked. “Let’s put together a... a checklist.”
Twilight brightened.
* * *
Why was she considering this? This was a bad idea, a life changingly, late for an assignment bad idea. Despite her earlier enthusiasm, Twilight Sparkle was back to being a nervous wreck and looking to prove it by digging a trench in her living room with her pacing. Spike looked on, more than a little amused. Her inner monologue was at war. I can tell my friends at least... can’t I? Well, not the one friend who I... oh dear.
“Spiiiike!”
The dragon flinched. “I’m right here Twilight.” His monotone cut through her introspection.
“Ah. Yes. Good.” Her stuttering was starting to grate on her nerves. ”Take a letter.” With quill and parchment in hand Spike was ready, having pulled the objects from who knows where. With a deep breath in and a releasing breath out Twilight calmed herself, considering exactly what to write. It was more important than anything that she trust her friends, especially now. She knew this was a good lesson for her and that was just where to start her letter. “Dear Princess Celestia, Sometimes you have to trust your friends...”
* * *
Twilight and Applejack’s checklist for a truth telling get together:
Step one: Talk Pinkie Pie into putting together a party.
Step two: Tell her that it's just for the six of them.
Step three: Tell her to keep it quiet and simple.
Step four: Repeat steps two and three until effective.
Step five: Double check the checklist and prepare for all possible conversations.
Step six: Wait until tomorrow for party.
Of the six steps on Twilight’s checklist she had only crossed off one, two, and three. As for step four, well, being in Sugarcube Corner and convincing Pinkie Pie to be calm was like being in a tornado and convincing the wind to be still.
“We’ll have streamers, starlight, sundaes, salsa, and super duper fun!” Speaking of tornados, Twilight would be impressed with Pinkie’s impression of one bouncing around her if she weren’t on edge in anticipation for the party. ”Oooo, and we can have cake and pie and of course we’ll invite all our friends and-” Somehow that tornado was smiling.
“Pinkie.” Twilight’s serious and almost annoyed voice must have resonated somewhere in the pink pony’s brain, for she took that moment to cease her bouncing whirlwind and look at Twilight. A party favor lay as conspicuous evidence of fun in her mouth.
Trying to keep her firm on the ground Twilight rested her hooves on Pinkie’s shoulders. A sigh escaped her lips, perhaps Pinkie would understand if she were more blunt? “It’s not a normal party, in fact, it’s not much of a party at all,” The unicorn attempted to reason.
Pinkie’s face and favor dropped. “Of course it’s a party silly.” There was something sad behind Pinkie’s smile. “Because all our friends will be there.”
Chuckling, Twilight nodded. “Oh Pinkie. You’re right.” She hugged her friend close, reigniting the pony’s playful personality. Pinkie cared for her friends, all several hundred of them, and any time with them was cause for a celebration.
“But,” Twilight said.
“Buuuuuuuuuutt?” Pinkie snickered.
Twilight shared in the snicker. The way Pinkie said it made Twilight think of the other butt. “But,” She emphasized her point with a kind, but firm, hoof to the chest. “It must be private. Just us six.”
Pinkie thought for a moment. A private party could be fun still, but there was something suspiciously unfun about the way Twilight was acting. While Pinkie’s normal solution to this would be to bring even more friends to the party that never seemed to cheer Twilight up more than annoy her. Annoyed and unfun Twilight could still be fun, but this party was for her to have fun. Pinkie had just the promise to keep things simple.
“Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” Her face was in ‘serious mode’, oblivious to the silly gestures her hooves were making.
Twilight couldn’t resist laughing, calming down from her earlier apprehension.
Step four: Check!
* * *
Step six: Wait.
It was already past sundown, but there was still enough time left before Pinkie arrived for Twilight to prepare for certain other activities. Safe inside her bedroom she checked the lock on her door. Should a certain purple dragon choose to interrupt her daydreams it would be beyond embarrassing. Happy to wander in her thoughts she lay on a pillow, relaxing.
The experiences that interested her were not at all what a normal pony would consider a daydream, but that was what made them important to her. Simple conversations were special, immersing herself in discussion with her mare friend, or perhaps a comfortable silence and being in the same room with together while she studied.
One particular indulgence was all too normal, at least, she hoped so. Muscles. There wasn’t anything special about muscles. Specifically she knew they were Constrictions of fiber which served to aid in locomotion, but there was something hypnotic in them that drew Twilight to hers. She remembered staring at them when she thought her crush wasn’t looking. Walking with the other pony was trance like every time she watched her crush’s front leg and rear leg move and press the muscles back and forth. She blushed.
Twilight double checked the door.
The conversations she recalled having with her crush were so deep it made her shiver from their analyses running unchained, and the math... Twilight bit her lip. The math was something else. She squirmed in her place, thinking of her crush’s soft lips speaking with quiet abandon to her, the words revealing her lo- crush’s mystery and intrigue. Desire came to the little pony and she reveled in it, splaying out on the pillow and hugging it to her. She was happy. Deluded, she knew, but happy.
“I want to make those lips happy.” She gave her pillow an affectionate nuzzle, trying not to make her attachment to it creepy.
Her affections were strange, she knew that. They made her knees weak and distracted her from her studies, like any old crush. The strangeness was that she didn't want to do anything about it. Thoughts of what would happen were it fulfilled or revealed were more terrifying than anything. When her mind wandered and imagined any one of a thousand pleasant possibilities she was happy but bringing it to light would take away her ability to pretend. She enjoyed pretending she was discussing her dark thoughts on magical theory and analysis with her crush. Then there was the more innocent imagination of playing with her feathers, and thoughtful discussions that were more memories than imagination.
Be that as it was, Twilight knew why she had to move on. The crush was distracting her from her work and her fantasies weren’t real. They were constructions of impossible scenarios that after careful analysis she knew had to stop. Twilight was good at this kind of analytical conclusion, but feeling right about them on the other hoof... that was hard.
“Augh!” she grumbled and stomped her hooves, showing a sudden dislike for her once beloved pillow. Being able to let go and fantasize was something she looked forward to at the end of the day, but real life came first and distractions weren’t a help in her studies or in her duties as the Element of Magic.
Maybe... maybe she could imagine just a little more. Just this last night before she told them. Before she told her.
* * *
Rarity sighed. It was late afternoon and this dress was not coming together. On top of that another appointment weighed on her mind, making it hard for the fashionista to concentrate. “I still can not fathom why Twilight would need us to get together for a ‘party’ tonight.” A rush order had come from a group of models in Canterlot that expected to entertain the high court and Rarity was the only fashionista willing to take it on short notice. This... party was an interruption she could not afford. “I’m pushing this order as it is and I just can’t come.”
“But... Um...” From the corner came the gentle protest of her friend Fluttershy. While the yellow pegasus was there to help as best she could with measurements and fitting, Rarity placed more value in her company. “Pinkie was kind of insistent.”
“Oh, I know! She was bouncing off the walls.” Rarity’s biting gaze fell on some hoofprints on her ceiling. “Literally.”
Without warning, a terrible ripping sound came from the sewing machine and it jammed with fabric, sputtering to a halt. Rarity was struck speechless, her expression frozen like a statuette. This was new. She was not some common seamstress and this did not happen to her. A very unladylike grumble escaped her lips.
The day was lost. Well, it wasn’t really lost, but the last fifteen minutes had been completely undone and it irked the unicorn. There were times when she worked too hard on too much too fast and she didn’t want this to be one of them, but it was. It was the end of her rope and any more dressmaking would become a disaster, despite her efforts and experience.
At times like these she found the the best cure was to socialize. There was also an urgency to the party’s suddenness that made Rarity wonder what more there was to it. Perhaps the party wouldn’t be too bad...
“Fine!” Rarity said. “Let’s go. I’ll just have to make this up tomorrow. But for now,” her eyes shone with an evil glint, “Go away!” She was, of course, talking to the mess of fabric which she shoved, not at all in a mess, into a corner.
The ‘violence’ caused Fluttershy to cower.
“I’m so sorry dear.” Rarity offered her a hoof up. “Tell you what, let’s take a little walk to clear our heads before we head out to this social event.”
“That sounds... nice.” Shy’s earlier cowering was forgotten and her smile genuine as she followed her friend closely out the door.
* * *
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
“Waugh!” Meeting the ground for the second time in as many days hurt. Twilight made a mental note to try and be more aware and less easily startled when daydreaming. Looking over, she placed her research papers on equine anatomy under her bed. “Coming! Coming! Just... give me a minute.” It must be Pinkie coming early to set up for the party, she reasoned, as that would make the most sense.
With a gentle, magical tug the front door opened for Twilight’s visitors. “Darling!” Rarity yelled.
“Good evening. Fluttershy and I were out and about when she suggested that we stop by early to see if there’s anything at all we can do to help. Without getting messy, of course.” Twilight smirked, trotting down the stairs. The last flourish made her think that it was more Rarity’s idea to offer help than Fluttershy’s.
The library looked clean and pristine, the tables set and everything was in it’s place, leaving Rarity with the impression of nothing to do. “Or perhaps just some company?” She offered.
“I’m sorry Twilight,” Fluttershy said, almost whispering. ”I hope we’re not bothering you.” She avoided looking at Twilight, or Rarity, or the horsehead statuette, which could be very intimidating.
“Of course not Fluttershy,” Twilight countered, smiling brightly. “You’re both just in time. I’m about to run measurements of the influence of altitude and density of water vapors on the refraction of light.”
Twilight’s friends blinked.
“That sounds... nice.”
Rarity bit the bullet and asked the obvious. “And what is that, exactly?” A happy giggle came from Twilight at her query.
“I’m watching the sunset of course.” At least Fluttershy had understood what she meant, Twilight hoped. Maybe, she thought. Maybe Fluttershy understands, and maybe I just want her to get it.
“You can join me if you want, girls” Her measurements were a part of her summer self-assigned coursework and if doing them meant spending time with Fluttershy and Rarity, then so much the better.
“Yes, please,” Fluttershy said, looking eager. The fashionista, on the other hoof, appeared bored by the idea, but nodded her head nevertheless.
Upon arriving at the balcony there was the unusual sound of rain. “Ah!” A splatter of wet drops hit Twilight right in the nose, surprising and confusing her since everything else in sight was dry. Repeated previous incidents told her exactly what was going on and she snickered to herself. “Very funny Rainbow.”
“Gotcha.” A playful squealing accompanied the pegasus’ remark. Rainbow Dash came out from above her stormcloud, very pleased at herself with her improvised practical joke. “Seriously though, these clouds are all over the place today. I’ve got some major busting to do if I’m going to make it to the party.” Ponies could say what they would about Dash being lazy, and most of it was true, but when she got around to starting something she worked hard till it was finished.
Upon a firm kick to its side the cloud dissapated. “I’ll catch you later, gals.” Rainbow fake saluted and sped off towards a white speck in the distant sky.
Things are going to work out, Twilight told herself. She had research to do, friends to share it with and a clear plan of engagement for the future, ponies at her side.
Between adjusting the viewfinder on her 'telescope thingy', as Pinkie had often referred to it, and taking notes Twilight watched her companions. A smile graced Fluttershy’s lips as she gazed into the distance and Rarity seemed fascinated by nothing in particular. All the while the sun’s light bathed the valley in a bright orange. To each pony it was a beautiful sunset.
“So.” Rarity wanted conversation, to do something, talk, play, interactions of any kind! Twilight wasn’t the type to go so far as request a get together and the unusual suddenness of it was steeped in intrigue to her. It put a question on her tongue. “Why the sudden party?”
Scribbles came from Twilight’s paper, but no response.
“Twilight?”
Twilight tried to avoid the confrontation just a bit longer and finish her calculations. “I have an announcement to make, nothing major,” she said behind her parchment shield.
“Oh and what kind of an announcement is that?” The gossip pony prodded.
Shy’s ears had perked up, giving clear sign to Twilight that though Shy’s eyes were up in the clouds, her mind was right here.
“It’s personal.” Calculations were finished and her quill was set to the side, parallel to the parchment. “Everyone will know tonight” A pang hit her heart. She sighed. “Everyone.”
“My dear Twilight, can’t you tell us a little... early?” Rarity was eager for some good gossip and Fluttershy had turned to face Twilight, turning the conversation into an inquiry. Fluttershy never had to say anything to be in a conversation, everypony knew she was there and her reactions could be read with ease.
“No,” Twilight responded.
“Just a little bit?”
“I said no, Rarity.”
“One itsy bitsy little guess at what’s going to happen?” Rarity’s pouty lip did little to sway Twilight’s conviction but Fluttershy’s puppy eyes were quite effective.
Curse their double teaming cuteness, Twilight thought. “One hint,” she resigned.
“Wa ha ha!”
Regretting her decision already, Twilight began. “I... have a crush on somepony. It’s about time that pony knew. Nothing can be done about it. I like this pony,” I love her, “It cannot be returned, it’s incredibly distracting to my studies and I’d like to have this pony as a friend.”
In all her imagination Rarity would never have dreamed that Twilight of all ponies would have a crush! “Ohhh... tell me tell me tell me! Who is it? Do we know him? Her?” Her decision to gloss over the ‘cannot be returned’ part both incensed and delighted Twilight at the same time, but she would not be further swayed.
“You have your hint,” she stated. “If you’re not happy with it you’ll just have to wait another hour.”
Rarity pouted.
* * *
After further convincing, discussion, very clear charts and graphs, and an impromtu food fight, Twilight managed to reconvince Pinkie to keep the party simple: soft music, nice food, and sparse decorations. While Twilight may have been doing her best to stomp out the fun, Pinkie managed to hide some in the cakes.
There were a few murmurs of concern from her friends when Twilight received them each with an uncharacteristic hug. Pinkie wanted two. When Fluttershy’s lasted a little longer than the others Rarity put a hoof over her mouth, cogs turning in her mind. Fluttershy isn’t... she couldn’t be...
A look of empathy from Applejack let Twilight know she was there for support, but a bump to the shoulder prodded her to get to it. “It’s time, Sugarcube.”
“Right!” Twilight agreed. The night air was chill and so were her nerves, yet she still met everypony’s eyes. “I want to start at the beginning.”
“Go right ahead, dear.” Even if she would never tell anypony in a million years a close friend’s secret, it was always thrilling for Rarity to hear something nice and juicy.
Twilight’s was glad for Rarity’s encouragement, but her half-hearted smile held more fear than anypony expected. “There’s a pony. I’ve watched her for a while. We’ve... um... worked together from time to time.” Another deep breath, more composure and she would be ready. “I started t-to really like spending time with her. Side by side, talking, often of the things that most ponies consider mundane. Some time spent together here, some there. I would say on an average week we spend roughly-” Her analysis was getting her off track.
Twilight coughed.
“I began to feel things. Non-friend things, and it isn’t right and it isn’t healthy and I need to move on. It’s just a crush.” No it isn’t, her inner thoughts betrayed her. “Just a crush.” It was getting hard for Twilight to see, every word making her feel more and more distant. “A-and I need to move past it, and” Her breathing interrupted her. In, out, in, out... calm, she thought, your friends want to help.
Rainbow Dash and Applejack leaned on Twilight for a supportive hug. A welcome fourth member, an innocent dragon, joined in, though he didn’t quite comprehend what all the fuss was about.
Rarity piped up. “For what it’s worth I think Fluttershy would at least be willing to give it a try.” Shocked stares and silence met her slip of the tongue and she responded with a sheepish grin. “Sorry.”
Twilight blinked. “It’s... not her.” Fluttershy looked almost disappointed. “It’s P-”
“Pinkie?” Pinkie asked.
“Princess Celestia.”
“Darn.” Fluttershy’s meek response surprised everypony, mostly herself.
If silence were a food, and some unicorns argue that it can be made to be so, the silence of everypony thinking that the crush was Fluttershy would have been a sweet dessert. A nice treat, but not for everyone. This current silence, with Twilight confessing her crush for the sun incarnate was an intimidating seven course meal.
There was a regal knock at the door.
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Well, a good thing you tried to keep the reader in suspense despite the fact it's previsible, and since it's just the first chapter I will wait for more.
But I expected more "deep" development for Twilight, I have the sentiment her scheme of thoughts don't stick enough with her personality.
Normally I don't read shipping, but this is pretty good.
Nice start for a first fic. I've done some editing work before so if yer up for it I'll be an editor for ya. And if you can I'd like a title pic for my fics. We have a deal?
2626030
I'm certainly willing to test it out. I'll PM you.
"Darn."
Best line ever.
Also, bummer it's not Best Pony (Luna)
interesting. I'll follow the fic to see were you go with it
Great story can't wait for more
Well written and nice start to what I hope will be a multi-chaptered story. Also, the art is nice.
2628148 I must admit, I like the start of this.
I like this.
Upvoted and favourited! Want to see where this is going to go.
I must admit, I like where this is going. Also, if you're still looking for editor(s), I'd be glad to help.
I like this story. It's interesting but sweet at the same time. If you're still looking for an editor I could help.
They would talk about nothing, let loose secrets and, when Twilight was feeling daring, they would make breathtaking analyses.
This feels a bit stiff to me. For all that Twilight likes long words, the phrasing doesn't seem very 'emotive', given that she's thinking about a crush.
On the other hand (later in the chapter), Applejack is indeed a reasonable friend and it's so absolutely Twilight to recognize that as a good thing and use that word as a compliment:)
and this:
Step one: Talk Pinkie Pie into putting together a party.
Step two: Tell her that it's just for the six of them.
Step three: Tell her to keep it quiet and simple.
Step four: Repeat steps two and three until effective.
YES. just YES :D
Not bad—grammar is a little inconsistent, but you are clearly making an effort. The two biggest things was punctuation dialogue and the absence of commas before names (the 'let's eat grandma vs lets eat, grandma' thing—two very different sentences).
Plot is good, dialogue is smooth, characters are in character. Wish my first fic was this good.
Wow.
This story is really great already.
Heh heh... somebody else had a little crush, eh?