Its Spark Gap's first time riding along with a supply Convoy. Their route takes them straight through the mountains - and Diamond Dog territory. Whats the worst that could happen?
Professor of Antiquities at Pallomare University and a consulting editor at Polo House, Inc. Publishing. (Semi-retired). Occasionally goes by the pen name 'Dragontrapper'
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This is written pretty well. You write good action from what I saw here.
Let me give you two pointers.
Number one. When you are addressing someone as "Sir": Sir is a title, like President or Captain. So, you'd capitalize it. It's also a direct addressal, so you'd place a comma before it. "Yes, Sir."
Also, with dialogue tags. If there is any text outside the quotations that modifies the spoken text, you treat it as the same sentence ( "Right away," he said. ).
You've got the good start of a story here and the biggest issue I found were dialogue tags and the occasional missed capital.
Always remember that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
Friendly fire, Isn't.
Just another day being in active guards.