bats
Joined 8th Oct, 2012 ·
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Ooooo.
Looks good. I SHALL READ WITH GUSTO DURING CLASS!
... And piss off my college professor.
~Skeeter The Lurker
2652722
Ah yes, nothing like a steamy pony clop during a college class
Personally I've read the Heat of the Moment during a history class, and by Celestia it was one of he best history classes ever
As for the story it self.
FlutterPie combo? Now thats interesting, I guess I have found something to read tonight
2652722 The way you think. I like it. We should think together more often.
So I randomly click on the notifications icon and before I go, I notice that there's a new story in the "new stories" box with a *gasp* rationally written synopsis. So I click it quickly.
I finish reading my comments and shit and finally notice that this is a bats story. Go figure.
2652781
Agreed. And read I both Heat of the Moment and this of them during Behavioral Science class. Loved every minute of that class.
2652782
Suddenly, I like the way YOU think as well good sir.
And finally, to that master writer known as bats...
BRAVO. The glares from the professor were WORTH IT.
~Skeeter The Lurker
2652781
I'm not the only one that calls it Flutterpie...HUZZAH
I wasn't sure if I was going to read this at first. Then I remembered reading Heat of the Moment.
I'm glad I remembered Heat of the Moment.
This was really well done, and the vocab, oh sweet Celestia the vocab! Excellent work. Thanks to you this is now one of my favorite pairs.
well, damn, I'm impressed again. Really, really impressed. Not only was this hot as all get-out, but it managed to be hartwarming as well. But the really impressive part of all that was how the sexiness and the sweetness both amped each other up to absolute perfection. And your characterization is, as usual, a total delight here. From Fluttershy's problems and their cause to Pinkie's gentle patience, the two of them seemed completely themselves in the best possible combination. The conflict seemed both real and well-handled, and I loved the way that Pinkie reminded Fluttershy that sex is supposed to be fun, 'cause it totally is. Probably my favorite part of the whole piece was
That's some ace Pinkie writing, and shows pretty much exactly why these two work so well together. Anyhow, thanks for sharing such a great piece of writing. I'm looking forward to your next "variety" piece.
2652801
Go figure indeed.
2653010
It's always very flattering to hear I improved someone's opinion of a ship. Congrats on being the first person to tell me that for a non-Twidash story.
Wait, you're actually doing it? You're a madman.
yeah, I'm gonna read this one later. I should read HotM first. I'm sure I'll miss some refs without it.
Also, holy hell. Didn't you just publish a story? The same time I did? Good lord son... pump the brakes!
2653882
I am, yes. And for the two I've written for the challenge so far, I've already gone over 24k words. Madman doesn't quite cover it.
2653884
I'll slow down when I'm dead.
I'm gonna be picky here since you're you:
I think you're missing another quotation mark here
Aside from that fantastic as always blah-de-blah. I always liked FlutterPie but haven't really read anything dedicated to the ship, thanks for providing an excuse for me to read one (and not having to go look for one, I'm lazy like that).
2654199
Blasted quotey marks.
bats: providing Flutterpie for the lazy, but discernible follower since...well, since today.
2654489
That was about my opinion change while writing it. The pairing worked for the story idea and I'd been doing some general thinking about the pairing before, so I went in with a 'this should turn out well' attitude. But, for me, the real heart of a ship is seeing two characters to interact and how that plays out. So as soon as I watched them interact as I was writing, I got a case of the d'awws.
OH MY GOD FLUTTERPIE I LOVE YOU!!...anyways, great story. I loved the emotion between the two, and how Fluttershy put her complete trust in Pinkie Pie
. The feels.
Friggin' love Pinkieshy/Flutterpie. I wish more people wrote it :C
This wasn't bad, but I'm looking forward to the non-clop one.
I'm also really excited that you've seen the glory of PinkieShy
It is OTP
It is truth
*solemn prayer to the shipping gods*
Also I would like to add that bATS YOU CRAZY MOFO YOU DON'T DO THE CHALLENGE BY WRITING 30 10,000+ WORD STORIES
YOU DON'T DO IT
(it makes all the other people look bad XXXDDD)
2655307
I'd like to see you try and stop me.
2655312
Y'know, I would, except A) I haven't a clue how, and B) we'd all miss out on entirely too much glorious bats-written ponyship.
Which, quite frankly, would be unacceptable
2654199 That'd be because there's so little of it. A criminal lack of it, as with Cheerilight (which admittedly is in a better position).
Well, well bats. What else can I say? It's adorable. One thing of note which I really like is how you've customized the narrative to fit the Pony you're talking about. Where Twilight or Rainbow would have "stomach", Pinkie's was "tummy", which is a great touch, and had that extra cuteness factor.
Pinkie not sharing her feelings with Shy in fear of scaring her off is both tragic, and very accurate, I feel. Still, it works out for the best, so that's not something I can complain about. Also, it's adorable.
I did notice a small mistake with the following: "Fluttershyās gowing need hit a breaking point." I think that's "growing" you're after. :P
All in all, I'm really happy you've completed the "holy shipping trinity" as it were, been itching to see a PinkieShy from you, and was real happy when I heard you were writing one. Happier still to hear you've fallen in love with the pair, so there'll be more to enjoy from you later on. This variety shipping challenge will be a good thing indeed... until it hits that certain pairing.
Somewhat interested to see how you'll handle FlutterDash, as well.
Also how this hasn't been featured yet escapes me.
Defies all reason, that's for sure.
Bats,
4.bp.blogspot.com/-9QjARWd5a84/T3OXHJJbe1I/AAAAAAAAA34/OVtLNvwpMvI/s190/nod-of-approval.gif
A+, well done
2656935
Blasted typos.
I do love Pinkieshy quite a bit now, and will probably write more. They're cute to write together. Flutterdash should be interesting; it'll be the first teen or lower rated challenge piece I do. We'll see how that goes.
As for featuring, well...most folks know me as a Twidash writer and so most of my followers probably aren't terribly interested in other ships from me. Pinkieshy as a whole seems to have a rather inoffensive air to it, so there aren't very many who hate it, but not a lot of "Pinkieshy? Gotta check this out," people. Couple that with the sex rating and it just doesn't get that many viewers. It's gotten good stats for the number of views, but it hasn't gotten the viewers.
Still a chance it might hit. It's scheduled to go up on Equestria After Dark soon, and that might be the push it needs. Who knows. If it doesn't make it, not a big deal. In a certain sense for me writing new ships frequently, I'm starting over as a general romance writer instead of a Twidash writer. Build up that follower load enough to be folks looking for other pairings, and I might be able to tip the scales for more than just my Twidash.
We'll see.
2659400
Eh, can't capture everyone's interest for everything. Still has a good rating as far as I'm concerned. I backed myself a bit into a hole by basically writing exclusively Twidash for a long time, so extending out is a bit like starting over.
Can't get 'em all featured. Not super important to me, anyway. The people that did read it liked it, so hardly a failure or anything. Perhaps the next Variety is the Spice of Life piece will hit the box. You should like it; it's gonna be one of the Flutterdash pieces.
This is so... so... HNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGg.
Very well done. Poetic, and not the least bit "raunchy". A beautiful love story that I will re-re-read over and over.
I'm loving the Spice of Life so far. It's good to try new things, especially when those new things are great like FlutterPie. I've never appreciated how good a ship it is until I first read this story.
Man, that's some good Flutterpie. Just... unf.
I don't know if I can make any useful, constructive comments for this. This was just a very pleasant thing to read, and I appreciate you taking the time to write it.
Also, this is the first I've heard of this Spice of Life challenge. This sounds like a lovely idea, and if it leads to more things like this, then it is a very, very good thing.
I can't wait for you to get around to Apple Pie on your list.
2692636
Applepie is planned within the first six stories for my teen or lower-rated run-through of the challenge, although Flutterdash is first on that list (or maybe Appledash, so I can double it up as an entry in the Appledash group's fic contest). Still, that's sooner than, say, Twishy, which I haven't even planned yet.
For the erotica run-through, I haven't thought about those as much; this one was kind of one of those 'Egads, an idea I must write this very instant!; sort of things. Only other ones I have any ideas for currently are Rarijack (which would be a sequel to this story and make up a Twidash/Pinkieshy/Rarijack erotica trilogy) and Rarishy.
...I'll get to them eventually. If all of them are about this length (which, of the two I've written, they have been) we're talking around 300,000 words of poni just for this challenge.
(oh god, what am I doing to myself?)
2692661 *low whistle* That's a lot of pony. Good luck with that!
Remember when I said I wanted to give something else of yours a look before deciding whether or not to follow? Well, I did that.
I read this in two sittings, so a fair amount of my feelings aren't fresh, but I definitely felt like the opening was a bit LUS-y again, a la "It's Elementary, My Dear Rainbow Dash", but in hindsight I suspect it was more that you were tripping my overactive sensor than actually describing to a fault. I had a few negative comments pieced together in a document too, I think, but I wound up just scrapping the whole thing when I belatedly figured out that you weren't starting the story with Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie already an item. So the only big negative I come away with is that I don't think my expectations were particularly well set up. I didn't figure out that Fluttershy and Pinkie were uninvolved until Fluttershy started thinking about how maybe they should become involved.
Past that point, I think I'd largely just slid into enjoying-the-story mode, and lost my critical eye for the most part. The clop seemed good, though I'm no connoisseur of the genre so my ability to comment on it largely ends in "this description seems active and well-written". With one minor exception, I really enjoyed the characterization on all four of the appearing members of the Mane Six. I found that Pinkie's "Shy-Shy" felt a little odd to me, but at the same time I have to chalk that down to personal preference, because I think the idea of Pinkie having a pet name for Flutters in this scenario makes a lot of sense. But the interaction between Twilight and Rainbow was wonderfully in-character to me, Fluttershy was well put together, and Pinkie's internal monologuing gave an excellent view of her character as well. I'm normally not a huge fan of internal monologuing because it tends toward inactive writing, but bringing out Pinkie's personality can be hard without it, I think, and I found the technique very effective here.
All in all, very good stuff, and I definitely have a lot more appreciation for FlutterPie now. Thumbs up, and a watch.
2700141
Glad to hear it!
My general approach to things like active/inactive writing, internal monologues, and showing vs. telling, is that it's better to follow the 'rules' for them, except when it isn't. Knowing when to break them can be tough, and I knew I was breaking them a lot in this story. I'm glad the reasons why came across well, though.
The fact that your expectations were averted a little was, to a certain extent, purposeful. I attempted to capture a sense of confusion regarding their status, because their status was confusing to them both; they wanted there to be more, but were frightened of getting it out in the open, so neither of them had a solid line of thought on what the other meant to them.
The fact that you fell into 'enjoying the story mode' is something I will mark as a victory. Critical analysis is always appreciated, but ultimately I write to entertain, and knocking someone out of analytical mode by entertaining them is the highest praise.
I shall endeavor to continue working on my more purpley proclivities in prose. I do like flowery description quite a bit and I'm still finding that line between 'not so flowery no one notices,' and 'too flowery.'
Glad to have you aboard following me. I shall try to not disappoint.
their picnics were a cathartic repose in her life of constant running.
This rather obviously reminded me of The Doctor, y'know, with the life of running through time and space.
This fic was a mixed bag.
I enjoyed the start somewhat; it was alright, and did a decent job of getting the two characters together.
However, the clop in it honestly didn't feel very good, and the porn dialogue in it was pretty terrible, particularly in the second scene.
FlutterPie? Gotta check this out. Especially since you're a Twidasher.
Edit:
2657681
I was close enough
2653431 Also, I already love this ship, so you didn't exactly improve it, just sort of cemented it further as a favorite.
As to what you said about them "inoffensive" well, yea. It's FlutterPie. Some people think of Flarity as "The Most Elegant Pairing" I'm looking at you, Steel Resolve well FlutterPie is (to me) the most innocent pairing. Fluttershy and Pinkie are, well... Fluttershy and Pinkie. They're adorable and sweet and fun and, well, innocent. And you wrote them in just that way. You've definitely earned a fave and a thumbs up from me.
I just don't know how i missed it for five weeks.
Hambadayo.
Didn't like the clop.
All that romantic shit in the beginning was great though.
Woo, well-written FlutterPie!
I liked this overall quite a bit. I could totally buy Pinkie and 'Shy dating without dating-dating for a few years, based on the way you set things up, and I liked that you gave a nod to "Putting Your Hoof Down" as I feel that's an important ep for these two characters. Lots of lovely little details, like Pinkie's mysterious smile reserved for Fluttershy. I especially liked the second sexytimes scene, in which Pinkie asserts they're just going to have fun and is therefore able to get Fluttershy to relax and just enjoy the experience.
I did feel the pacing was a bit fast once the story got to the sexytimes parts, and I think I agree with one of the other commentators about some of the sexytimes dialogue feeling a bit off, but honestly? This is just a sweet, sexy story that makes you feel really good, so I just plain don't feel like criticizing much.
I love the scene with TwiDash
: who is gonna check out the other ponies books?
*Squee*
2652802
You read Heat in the Moment in a college class? You...
*Hides grin* If I didn't have online classes...
2842417
This pairing is - Hell all of your pairing are - adorable!
2653882
A madman with a box?
No bats is quite properly a BADASSS and the only thing lacking in his fic* are the Doctor. Go the War Doctor: the most Doctory of them. I want him in Equestrian: In in a war fic: training the Main Six. Awesome.
EDIT: fics
Well this fic was both sweet n' sour
. Altho it kept shiftin between t two whenever 
's nerves got t better of her 
n' when she actually allowed herself to relax 
When I first started on this site, I signed up as the AppleDash Man. Now, I dunno.... I might have to change that a bit.
Are you really back to reading this again?
C'mon, you can't blame me, bats wrote this really well
That's what you said while you were re-reading the other stories
And it's true
I'm going to enjoy every single one of these challenge fics, because, "If it fits, it ships"
4572414
You can actually change your username at any time.
I know I already left a comment here on this story, but... I think I found a way to describe what the story is. One word, and one word only.
Perfect.
There is simply nothing wrong with the way this story is written. It pulls at every single emotion that a love story should: love, sadness, fear, happiness, lust, and joy. It makes your heart race at the steamy bits as well as at the sad bits, but it doesn't overdo it on the sad bits, and it blasts you to pieces with the steamy bits. The levels of content are perfectly balanced, the characters' emotions are perfectly portrayed, the sex is perfectly erotic and loving, their relationship is perfectly believable. Everything is just...
Perfect.
I'm just gonna sum up this entire story (and the ship used in said story) in one song.
4871480 Nice
That... was hot. And cute. And funny. But mostly hot. Did I mentioned 'cute' before?
I'm a little bit concerned though... well, no, actually, I'm downright frightened about Pinkies statement that she doesn't need to see anypony else to smile anymore... poor Ponyville! Then again, it's a sweet thing to say... hm.
It was an entertaining story and I loved your idea with their two-year-long, weekly totally-not-a-date-picnic...
Thank you.
Cover art is corrupted. Should re-upload it.
This has so much dawwwwww!
And nice clop too. Not that kind of guy, but still good.
So beautiful, one of my favorite Flutterpie stories, everything about it was written really well, nice job.
