Fluttershy is disturbed at home by the appearance of a dark and mysterious stranger. His body broken and she with little other choice, Fluttershy takes him in and tends his wounds. This marks the beginning of a budding relationship, a journey of two hearts with vastly different views on life, and how they ultimately learn from one another.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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The detail might a little excessive and the story is a bit slow to start, but I think this story has a lot of potential to develop into a half-decent romance that doesn't involve shipping with other characters. Good work so far, hope to read more soon.
However, try to make the story move at a slightly quicker pace. A lot of details can also be eliminated without getting rid of the general feel.
8152
Thanks very much for the feedback. Yes, I knew when I submitted it that the detail would be a little overbearing for some readers, and I can respect that. I personally look for detail in what I read, and have run into a good many stories that lacked...substance...for want of a better word. I decided to put something out there for readers more like myself, who enjoy length and detail, but I would hope everyone can enjoy what I do.
Don't worry about the pace. This first chapter was just to set the scene for the relationship to come, and to give the reader a clear mental picture for my original character, which will be important later. Chapter 2 will go much faster, once other characters enter the stage and actual dialog can begin. Thanks again for the feedback.
"The sun was setting now. It cast a warm orange and pink tinge on the few clouds in the sky, both a requiem of its time hanging in that wide blue expansion covering the earth, and a heralding of the glossy pearl of the night that was Luna's moon. As the night crept in, it was as if a sheet was pulled over the earth, bringing with it innumerable miniscule jewels, each with luster beyond compare, shining in the sky." That is really good description!
8236
Thanks for the compliment. As I hope you'll find, if you keep reading my work, I enjoy attention to detail very much.
Holy detailed descriptions, Batman. It's like if Edgar Allen Poe was a a brony and not creepy.
I like this a lot; it's pacing is nice and it sucks you in. Your descriptions are nothing short of ludicrously impressive, and I felt like I was actually reading a book instead of a fic. Fluttershy's character is spot-on, and I am very interested in seeing how this will progress.
8450
Thanks ever so much for the lavish compliments. It's my hope that anyone who reads this and upcoming chapters will feel the same. I am going to try and stay true to Fluttershy's demeanor, as per the show, and all the characters as you should see in the second and subsequent chapters. What I am hoping to achieve, ultimately, is a development of Fluttershy's character, given a foil with whom she can interact.
Thanks again for the encouragement. It means a lot for a neophyte fiction writer.
The detail here is simply incredible. Keep this up, and you could easily make this fit into a feature-length novel.
You definitely have something going here. A soldier pony and quite, timid Fluttershy. Interesting pairing, with a lot of potential. Fluttershy hasn't really interacted with anypony other then the Mane 6. This could be her first time interacting with a colt/stallion in her lifetime, not including the Big Mac/Fluttershy shipping I thoroughly hate.
Don't be turning this into one of those shipping fics I've seen out there. Fluttershy barely even knows this pegasus, and is much too shy for interaction outside the patient/doctor realm at this point. Sure, she can feel attracted all you want, and I'm okay with a bit of cuddling/kissing, but it is far, far, FAR too early for this to take a more serious level. I know I'm probably sounding paranoid, talking about this when you've only made the first chapter, but I cannot stress it enough that you should not turn this into a shipping novel.
8577
I have exactly the same opinion of things. In all honesty, and I do not intend to offend anyone of adverse opinion in my saying so, I cannot stand those certain stories everyone labels as "shipping". I believe fidelity should be kept with all the characters we know and love, for that is the reason for which we first loved them. Let me assure you, and any who intend to keep reading, that this will NOT be a story of steamy romance and uncharacteristic actions. Judging by your response, I believe you'll be very satisfied with my intended story direction.
Thanks for your appreciation and interest.
Detail is good, but don't write for detail's sake. I actually skimmed half of your work just to get to the good parts. There are times when intricate detail is necessary (i.e., when describing the soldier pony she just saved), but most of the time, excessive details just gets in the way of the actual story.
For example, much of the Lord of the Rings trilogy involved Frodo and his companions wandering a richly described forest. And it is repeated ad nauseum so much that I actually ended up not reading those parts after a while. Don't fall into that trap, and focus on detail only during intense scenes where such detail would build up drama and suspense and actually be welcomed by the reader. Telling the reader how the sun rises? No one's going to read that.
Personally, I think your work could be easily compressed in half and remain just as good plot-wise. I read a ton of fan fiction, and if the plot isn't moving, I tend to stop reading and move onto the next story. Sorry, but that is just how people read these days - they are all about the plot, the narrative, and the drama and suspense that goes into them. The details, depending on the occasion, are much less important.
This story is so rich with detail! But, as everyone who nags at me says, less is more!
9055
Begging your pardon, but I'm afraid I must respectfully disagree, especially concerning your last statement. Details are very important, for it is through them that an author imparts his or her world to the mind's eye of the reader. When an author uses detail, it is his or her attempt at setting a scene, forming a character, creating a more intimate connection with a character, or some other point of interest out of a set of unlimited possibilities.
Since you so wonderfully used The Lord of the Rings (a personal favorite) for your example, grant me the liberty of saying that it is not in spite of such detail that the series is loved by so many, but rather the converse is true; many love it because of the intricate care and detail used in crafting the expansive literary world. The Lothlorien Forest, Rivendell, Isengard, Gondor, and other locales are that much more real to so many readers because of J.R.R. Tolkien's loving detail in his work. I'm sorry to say that your personal outlook is an exception rather than the general consensus.
I will say, however, that your outlook on the medium in question (fanfiction) is, I believe, the standard for many a reader browsing sites such as this. I will not argue that most look for an exciting plot, drama, action, romance, etc., and that detail tends to fall by the wayside. Such is the inherent characteristic of the medium. With that said, it is my belief that you have woefully misjudged my intentions in submitting my work. I wish to provide something different for those readers akin to myself. Through my writing I wish to explore the characters themselves; their feelings, their flaws, their thoughts, all through their probable actions given a foreign situation. I also wish to share these explorations with those willing to read them. The purpose of my writing is not be read, but simply to be; and anyone who reads and enjoys it is delightful happenstance.
Let me make clear the fact that I do not purport to sound haughty, pompous, or holier-than-thou. These are merely the humble opinions of an unknown author. Any offense incurred is strictly inadvertent, and I profusely apologize for any such occurrence. I can appreciate you caring enough to give advice on the matter, a generous sentiment in and of itself. Let me also make clear that is neither my intent nor my right to tell you or anyone what is or is not "good literature". Such is your opinion, and no man has the right or ability to take that from you. It is my sincere hope that you and anyone else who has stumbled upon my work will continue to read, and that you would glean even the smallest amount of enjoyment from it.
Thank you for your opinion and, if I may, keep a weather eye out for chapter two very soon.
9119
To PegaSister - Please forgive me, but the comment submitted above was meant in response to the latest post by on XX55XX. It seems a time lapse got the better of me.
If this is going where I think this is going, I hate you.
Also, are you te same Calamity from the Ponycraft server?
10264
In regard to your second question, I cannot say that I am.
In regard to your first question, if I may be so bold, where do you think the story is going? How would that prompt such a hatred of me?
10267
It probably isn't, in all fairness. It's a bloody good story, truth be told, and upon retrospect it doesn't look like it's going where I thought it was. I've been writing a fic, and wanting to get it perfect/finish my current one before I released, and I already can't release it on Equestria Daily because someone posted a fic a few weeks back that had a synopsis vaguely similar to mine.
Regardless of that, good work, I hope to see more soon.
10524
Thanks for your reading and appreciation. Sorry to hear about your posting situation. Hope things turn out well for you.
10532
Thanks, much appreciated. The thing I'm most worried about is the reader fallout. Have you ever read the comments on the story From the Ashes on Equestria Daily? The guy had a similar opening to a different story, and they ripped him to pieces.
Keep up the good work, though.
10712
I took the time to read a few chapters of "From the Ashes" and the supposedly preceding story "Vagabond", to gain a better understanding of the gist of your posting. I must say, there are some undeniable similarities in story elements. However, I must also say that among the who-knows-how-many fiction authors on the internet, I would be surprised if there weren't ever any two stories with such similarities. As an aside, I believe there are two such stories floating around this site; each about a musical pony with a penchant for Fluttershy, if memory serves.
I cannot speak for the author of "From the Ashes", nor will I attempt such an act; however, I, for my part, can assure you and any who read this that my story is completely original. Any similarities between my work and the work of others is shear chance. I do not wish to reveal much about my character yet, at least not until Chapter 3 has been released, but I will say this; my character does not boast a dark past, harbor a detrimental secret, or have murderous intent.
I do much appreciate your concern on the matter, and thank you for the warning. I hope my work continues to hold your interest.
Heheh I cant wait till Rarity meets Grimm
20641
Ha. I think you'll be pleased with the interactions between Grim and our favorite characters. The reason I made him so...well...grim was to provide a foil around which to center a lot of comical situations. If I do things correctly, you will see a few tender matters of the heart come to light as well.
And yes, Rarity's part in the next chapter is shaping up to be the most enjoyable, both to write and read.
Your writing is simply adoring, I am completely engrossed in this story. I cannot wait for the next chapter, keep up the good work! :D
29378
Thanks very much for the enthusiasm. The next chapter will be a while in the making I'm sorry to say, as it's that time of the semester when final projects are coming due. Rest assured however, it is shaping up to be (I believe) the most entertaining thus far. Thanks for reading.
I am liking this story a lot. I expect many good things to come from this piece and I can only hope that they are written to perfection. Definite one to watch.
i find this to be one of the better not to mention very well written stories ive read so far. i am greatly looking forward to the next chapter.
41354
Thanks very much. Encouragement like yours helps the writing process quite a bit at times. I hope my writing continues to hold your attention.
43044
I appreciate the praise. "Well written" is most certainly a description I have hoped to extract from readers. I hope to have the next chapter out very soon. I've been telling myself that for a while, but life has a habit of getting in the way. I take a lot of time with my writing, and I think the next chapter is going to be the best yet. Up until now the chapters have been mostly groundwork; shaping character dispositions, laying points of interest to consider for the future, that sort of thing. Chapter 4 will see the first true "action" in the story. As a bit of an indulgence, I will say that Grim makes his first appearance in Ponyville.
Any news on chapter four? This story is really well written and engaging. It's also getting close to half the length of a novel!~So much joy.
53546
I'm glad you find my work engaging. To answer your question, it is still a work in progress. I'm a full time engineering student at a university known for its difficulty. Needless to say, I have had very little time to devote to my personal projects. The good news is that finals are finished next week, so the break should give me plenty of time to write. I hope to finish at least two chapters before January, so we'll see. Thanks for your interest.
Wow, a story with chapters longer than just 1k words? DO WANT! (Though I'm worried, since this was last updated in Oct...)
~ Moonstone, Minstrel of Equestria
Okay. *keeps reading*
*Eagerly awaits the next chapters*
I FULLY understand being too busy! Engineering is a tough major! Hope.you did well, enjoyed a merry Christmas, and I can't wait to read more of this fic!
~ Moonstone, Minstrel of Equestria
88285
Thanks ever so much for the well wishing. Things turned out very well, I'm glad to say. Now that most major distractions are out of the way I am happy to say that I am now starting work in earnest to finish Chapter 4. With any luck, it will be complete very soon. Your interest and praise is much appreciated.
88860
I'm very glad to hear your feelings toward my work. Your descriptions are exactly what I have tried to portray. To answer your question, yes; Chapter 4 is in progress (and has been for quite some time). With a difficult semester and Christmas now behind me, I can work steadily with my writing. I hope to have the next chapter out very soon. Thanks very much for the comment; compliments such as yours make the effort of authorship much easier and worthwhile at times.
I've been waiting for you to update. Love the way you write and how you manage to keep everypony in character. The pacing is perfect: detailed, crafted descriptions, but they rarely feel long-winded.
I also admire how you write Grim. His way of speaking is so detached and polished. I guess that's part of the reason he's socially awkward.
Anyway, just wanted to say: keep up the good work, and if the next chapter is as good as this, I'll gladly wait another 3 months.
1. Win.
2. MOAR.
That is all.
W-what is this... An... UPDATE?!
~YEEEEEEEEES!~ *Reads avidly*
“Wha- Fluttershy? What are doing? What is this?”
I believe you mean what ARE you doing, yes? XD Simple mistake.
... Dashie... Don't make me come over there! I will SO break the fifth wall and kick your flank into next week!
WOW that was a wall of text to read... AWESOME! So I can't remember what you said before, but how many more semesters of school do you have left to complete? Are you still going to be INSANELY busy, or was it MOSTLY due to Finals? I know how hard (Or at least have a fairly good idea) of how hard Engineering classes are, but will updates come a LITTLE more often? Like... I don't know, once a month or so? Just like to have an idea, you know?
ANyways, can't wait to see what's going to happen! A bit more revealed of Grim, but this felt kinda like filler. There was important stuff, yeah, but it was kinda slowish. Things are almost certainly going to get going now, so I eagerly await the next chapter!
~ Moonstone, Minstrel of Equestria
Alright! Awesome chapter! :D You've got a real talent for writing, I don't think I've ever seen so much detail put into one piece before! Anyways, if the next chapter is as good as this, I'll wait as long as I have to for it!
119423
After reading your comment, I can take comfort in knowing that I have, at least in part, conveyed the image of my character as intended. You are very much correct; Grim is articulate and very detached (reasons for this will come with subsequent chapters). These qualities do indeed lend themselves to his social awkwardness and discomfort.
Thank you very much for your praise of my pacing and descriptions. I try to construct the scenes to guide the reader to imagine what I can see in my head when I write. I'm glad you like how I perform my descriptions, and do not find them long-winded (though I would imagine some people disagree, as the story rating seems to fluctuate).
With that said, it looks like support for a chapter sooner is becoming a standard, so hopefully you will not again have to wait 3 months for the next part. And, as always, thanks for reading.
119628
1. Challenge
2. Accepted
That is all.
And thanks for your continued support.
119964
Your enthusiasm is very refreshing. Allow me to thank you for pointing out the error. I try to proofread thoroughly, but I am only human and a one man operation. The error has since been fixed (I think I fixed it anyway).
As far as school goes, this is actually my last semester. I'm an engineer, so to graduate I will have to complete an extremely involved design project, among other things. I have, however, planned ahead in some aspects, and the semester won't be as hard as it could have been. An update a month is actually my current goal, but I haven't been doing so well on goals lately. Time will tell.
Concerning the chapter, your feelings weren't unexpected. This and the coming part was supposed to be a complete chapter, but I was taking too long, and I'm sure people were beginning to lose faith (myself included). Without spoiling too much, Grim makes it to Ponyville, we'll see his reactions to the mane six and vice versa, some more characters from the series will come into play, and a certain flamboyant pony will do what she does best in welcoming a new pony (I leave this face as a clue)
Draw from that what you will. There will be laughing, machinations, confrontations, revelations, and good old fashioned shakeup of Ponyville.
Thanks for reading, and I'll do my best to have more out soon.
120180
You are too kind. The arts for the most part escape me, and it is very generous of you to call my dabbling in authorship talent. I am going to do my utmost the have the next part out as soon as possible. I don't enjoy waiting, and I know those of you who have been gracious enough to show interest in my work don't either. Thanks for your compliments and support.
I dont want to feel like im rushing you or anything but its been a few months and i need a new chapter
. I gots ta have it plz.
387229
In light of your comment, I think I will take the prompted opportunity to provide an update for anyone who does not believe me dead.
I am extremely sorry for the amount of time it has taken me to submit the next chapter (half-chapter, really). Please allow me to explain myself.
1) I am an engineering student, which means writing is not part of my inherent skill set, and that I have a substantial amount of school
work to do.
2) Writing takes a disgusting amount of time for me. I believe I have mentioned this earlier, as if it even needed stating, but it is the truth.
3) I feel I would be remiss in my purpose to split my chapters into small blurbs of 2,000 words or so. It is very obvious that there is a
distinction between my work and most other stories on this site. That is NOT to say other stories are of lesser value. I have tried to
fashion my chapters more like those of an actual book, giving the reader time to become engrossed, engaged, and picture what I
picture when I write. I do this for the reader's benefit, even if the final product takes longer to deliver.
4) I have a lot of ideas that I want to flesh out, and the fact that new episodes of MLP keep coming just adds to the list. I have many
plans for this story, all of which hopefully will come to fruition given time.
I will end this by saying that the next chapter will arrive VERY SOON. I will also add that I will graduate very soon, so time between submissions will, with any luck, shorten. As for the next chapter, I believe it is by far my best (and longest) yet. Again, it is coming VERY SOON. I only ask patience for just a bit longer, and am sincerely grateful for your continued interest.
I'd just like to say that I quite like the amount of detail you put into your story. I'm no pioneer of the literary arts, so expect no constructive criticism from me (sorry 'bout that). Although, I can say that this is one of my favourite stories I have read, and it is much better than some of the printed works I have read. Take as much time as you feel necessary, since you create one of the better stories I have had the pleasure of reading/being in the process of reading. (Sorry for the ramble which consisted of compliments, although I don't think you mind.)
409915
I'm not sure about being better than some printed works, but thank you very much all the same. I'm very glad my work is one of your favourites. I published the next chapter minutes ago, so hopefully it possesses the same quality and detail to which you've become accustomed.
FINALLY AN UPDATE
*reads chapter*
amazing as always keep up the fic...I will now wait for more
*mind blew*
A chapter of this fanfic, updated chapter. Pinch me!
It is indeed long but good chapter, especially with him beginning to confirm that he does have a place in Ponyville.
this is an amazing story and i dont just look forward to an up date but actively get excited to see one, keep up the amazing work.
I'd say that i could die now, but there's still the rest of the story. Amazing job on the chapter, really brightened my night.
Hey. Me again. Just wondering if this is gonna update again. It has been a few months after all.
Here's hoping