Spike gets let down HARD by rarity but now he finally opens his eyes to the one he truly wants, twilight.
He gets so hard for rarity but ends up failing an so now after he's let down, twilight, helps spike out of it but now she is even more happy because of it.
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I predict a large dislike bar. I'll check back in a few to see if I was right or now. (Really hope I'm wrong.)
Alright, criticisms.
Formatting... Without proper spacing and division of paragraphs this was near impossible to read. You used three different scene breaks, a set of lines, a set of characters, and some out of place date as though this were a journal. The writing standard is a center justified #.
Spelling, grammar, punctuation, caps-lock, and capitalization... This part was almost physically painful. I can't even point out all of the errors. I suggest writing in a word processor. If you don't have one, you should go download Open Office. It's free and behaves like Word.
The use of * to bracket actions. Just a personal pet peeve of mine. Show us, don't tell us. Describe the feelings and actions in detail.
I'm sorry man, this was a struggle to get through. I want you to succeed though. Go back to the drawing board, find an editor, and read this writing guide. Come back strong and don't let anyone tell you you'll never do well enough.
Standard Manuscript Format
EZN's Writing Guide
The Writer's Group
The Proofreader Group
2834187 and thanks for criticism even if it was a little harsh, I don't have an editor and I can even begin to know how to get one.
2834360
My apologies, I wan't trying to come off as harsh. I type the way I talk. Unfortunately, something gets lost in the translation without the inflections of my voice.
Ask around here for an editor. I'm sure someone will be able to help.
If I have some time tonight I'll see what I can do with what you've got here. I'll make some annotations in red and orange to signify what I changed, and why I changed it.
Best of luck, and I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, it wasn't my intention to.
2834423no you didn't hurt my feelings it just kinda hurt for a sec but I appreciate it a lot. Thanks for an editor.
2834608well thanks for at least telling me what I can do to fix it then to be mean, so thanks.
Well, it could use a lot of work. I honestly don't think you portrayed their personalities well, especially in the way Rarity speaks. Also, there are a lot of grammatical errors that need fixing. I like the story you are trying to tell here, I just don't think the way it was presented does it justice. I mean, it felt extremely rushed, even for something that was intended to be short. One more thing: using underscores and symbols to transition between scenes isn't exactly the best option, as it's often quite distracting to the reader.
Hopefully this advice helps, and best of luck to you in your future writings. :)
this fic was nice and all
but to me the title dose not fit very well 
No idea what I just read, but please do not give up on this. There's a lot of potential so please try editing and really bring out the best in this story
The story was a little fast and the feelings between Spike and Twilight felt rushed and dead like their was no love their at all.
But all and all it was good story and another favriot to my list.
I wasn't going to speak, but I'm a little disappointed.
the story is good, but does it end when spike discovers everything? and rerity and what happens next? just finished? this end does not feel like the end of a story, it feels like the end of a chapter.