There is a song that is more than a lullaby, a song where hope and sadness dance together, this is its story.
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mimezinga
Joined 16th Aug, 2011 ·
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Aside from some spelling and grammatical errors, this was quite good. Very interesting story and quite a tragic one at that. Forced to live 200 years with no end in sight while those around you perish. You would be quite jaded, I also enjoyed the thoughts on silence. They share a lot with me, I can't stand silence because it aches. Trapped with yourself, excellent way of describing the endless droning your mind can come up with when sleep cannot be found.
A brilliant concept - both heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time. Unfortunately, I find that the spelling and grammatical errors detract from the story as a whole. With just a few looks over and some small fixes this could be even better than it already is. At the moment I can only grant it a 3.5 star rating, but it should be at 5. I dearly hope that you go back over this sometime and fix the errors present.
8977
Thank you for the positive comment, I'm working on the grammar and the language in general ^_^
9017
I thank you for taking your time to comment. I'll post this story on /pony/ asking for a little help with language and maybe after that i'll submit it to EqD
9021
You are very welcome, and I'd help you with it myself if I wasn't so behind on my school work at the moment.
Maybe I'll be able to find the time to do so after I catch up, assuming that you will not have already found someone to assist you. In any case, I wish you the best of luck, and I'm sure EqD would welcome your story into its archives with open arms once you've cleaned it up a little... On further review of my previous comment, I may have been a bit overzealous with the whole 'spelling and grammar' issue. However, it's probably because I've been trying to edit my own fanfiction lately, and when editing your own work you have to treat it like it's the worst piece of trash you've ever ever seen. I must apologize for letting my over zealousness towards my own working carry on to critique about someone else's.
9045
Pardon the really bad typos in my last two sentences, and pardon me taking up your comment space with my unnecessary corrections...
Very interesting, though sad
Sad and melincoly, yet sweet as well.
16083
ah, does it mean you didn't like it?
16175 No, I do like it.
All I can say is wow.
You've impressed a professional author.
That is a very good thing by the way.
This story was awesome! and it actually reminded me of Okage in a way.
I'm sorry for double commenting, but i just simply adore this story. more and more... I have a thing for these kind of..things. truly unique.
Wow. That song, especially with the story behind it, is so sad... And it reminds me so much of the song I placed below from Prince of Egypt. You have more than earned my stars and track.
Hush now my baby,
be still love don't cry.
Sleep when your rocked by the stream.
Sleep and remember my last lullaby,
so I'll be with you when you dream.
Drift on a river that flows through my arms.
Drift as I'm singing to you.
I see you smiling so peaceful and calm,
and holding you I'm smiling too.
Here in my arms, safe from all harm.
Holding you, I'm Smiling too.
Hush now my baby, be still love don't cry
sleep like you're rocked by the stream.
Sleep and remember this river lullaby,
and I'll be with you when you dream.
Here in my arms, safe from all harm,
holding you I'm smiling too.
sleep and remember this river lullaby
and I'll be with you when you dream.
sleep and remember this river lullaby
and I'll be with you when you dream.
And I'll be with you when you dream.
River, o river, flow gently for me.
Such precious cargo you bare.
Do you know somewhere he can be free.
River deliver him there.
Sh.. She died my day will be sad indeed
177015
I is sorry you didn't like the story, but the whole concept was her dying in the end sacrificing herself, I don't think I can rework that ç_ç
(But I put both Dark and Sad tags, so at least the reader knows where the story is going, I hope)
Wow. This completely blew me away. It's a really nice fable you've built.
You sure like writing about 200-year-overdue ponies huh?
damn that was sad, heartwarming, and well written. you sir have written an amazing story.
This has the potential to be an amazing story. I really like the idea behind it, it's a whole new take on Scratch I've never seen before and overall it's well executed. However, spelling, grammar, punctuation, capitalization, word order, sentence structure and general choice of words are all a mile off. Did you even proofread this once? Fix all these problems and this'll be one of the better stories I've read recently.
563179
it's a W.I.P. tossed here mostly because once a friend of mine coldn't open it on Gdocs, then it stayed here and I never touched it again because it needed too much work to be fine.... i could rewrite it one day, or re-read and fix, still.... at the moment i'm not really interested in it, i'd not submit it to EqD anyway
This was so sad! Feels! And Silky Tail... PINKIE PIE IS A DOLL AS WELL!!! EVEN MORE FEELS!!!
