• Member Since 6th Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen Aug 23rd, 2016

HopeFox


E

A fire begins in the Everfree Forest. Everypony wants to help stop the fire, but Princess Celestia orders Twilight to allow it to burn unchecked. How can Twilight and her friends stand idly by when such a tragedy is raging so close to them?

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 3 )

Hello,
I'm some guy who reads stories and have decided to give feedback on the entires for the write off I'm taking a look at, done in stream of consciousness style. Please take all feedback with a grain of salt, as it's meant to be freeform thoughts rather than a delicately put together review.

Thoughts; Good grasp of grammar and technical ability, but there's a lot of fanfare about not communicating any real plot or information. Also, this is a particular complaint situated in this contest, but while the prompt is incredibly evident from the outset of the narration's beginning, it doesn't appear to be a remotely novel or interesting approach to said prompt.

Also, there are a ton of exclamation marks.

Unnecessary references to the show through cliche bits of dialogue, though I like the twist the story takes midway through.

I ended up coming around on this, though I feel several parts of the resolution were needlessly grim - I have a soft spot for darker themes in the FiM universe, but there were elements of the theme you set out to establish that would have made sense without the certain way the story ended - or rather, one specific point of the resolution.

A pleasant surprise with a somewhat generic start.

People seem to be voting for this largely based on the conflicted sentiments within it, rather than how well it was written or the actual quality of the story. And they were probably angry about what you did to Zecora, even though I was actually expecting it. It wasn't happy or fun, certainly, but it doesn't deserve 1/3 negative votes.

There are a couple little pointless quibbles, though. First, I'm not sure I agree with the idea that Celestia's word is law to the degree that disobeying her is considered treason. I mean, yeah, they have gotten worked up a couple times in the show about the idea of Celestia punishing/banishing them, but I always got the impression that was them being paranoid more than her being an absolute authority. I guess that's just interpretation, though.

And then I'm not sure Everfree is the type of forest that's really going to completely go up in flames like that. I mean, it's possible, but it seems to me like the sort of wet jungle that isn't likely to burn so easily. But eh, not impossible, I suppose.

How come it says Incomplete, though? Doesn't seem likely for anything else to be added.

Whoa:rainbowderp: Poor Zecora:raritycry:

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