Preoccupied with making colorful equines kiss and stuff.
After a terrifying incident, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon have a fight. Now friendless, how does Diamond cope? Will she be alone for the rest of her life?
My first attempt at writing a sad fan fiction. My goal was to try and soften the hearts of some people for poor Diamond Tiara, whether I was successful or not, you tell me.
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Did you really have to go into quite so much detail about Diamond's mist-ifying (hehheh, I'm a bad person) jump? It just completely and abruptly changes the overall feel and not in a good way.
Also, since I can't help it... The last thing to go through Diamond's mind was... her tiara.
I love this story, especially how well you described her death.
Red, oh so much red....
The end was a real tear jerker too, and I cried a small amount.
Great story, I loved it and keep up the good work!
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Thank you so much, it means a lot.
Also, I actually ended up putting in that ending at the last minute. Originally, the story ended a little after Filthy Rich appeared at the police station, because I just couldn't come up with something good, that is, till I was a few seconds away from posting it.
As Taylor Swift would say, everything was red.
They say that every story ever written is about one of two things: love and death. While there are certainly some arguments made about whether this is true, it looks like your story is about both. Therefore, in order to most effectively provide some feedback, I should probably start with those two elements.
First, there's love. When it comes to a story of the tear-stained variety, love is generally something the main character has in short supply. In this story, Diamond loses her friend, her mom is dead, her dad is busy, and she's unable to obtain any form of companionship otherwise. Her problem is isolation, and naturally she looks for a solution. The solution she chooses? Why it's none other than the second meaning of writing.
Death is one of the most serious elements you can put in a story. When someone's is in danger of death, the world slows down. When someone dies, it stops altogether. In fiction, the difference between someone potentially dying and someone actually dying is the difference between a chance of rain and the championship game being cancelled. It drastically alters the type of story you're trying to tell, and it's important that the choice that's made is context-sensitive.
The way I see it, this is the story of the tragedy of Diamond's character. She lives with a curse that requires her to be mean, having no other options in life but to be cruel and vicious to everyone she encounters. Even as she thinks back to her own past during her epiphany, she comes up with no good she's ever performed in the entirety of her life to balance out how evil she is. Unable to handle living in such a way any longer, she decides to end it all, believing no one will even bat an eye. Then, because she knows how little everyone will care, she takes the time to write two letters about her premeditated suicide, making sure to explicitly denote where she will be committing the deed and placing them in locations where the recipients will be sure to find them.
Then comes the scene that had been built up since the very beginning. Diamond's about to jump off the cliff, ready to end everything. Her former friend and some others show up to try to talk her down, but Diamond's already too far gone and hurls herself off the cliff, exploding as she crashes into the ground and scarring the four spectating fillies for life. Filthy Rich shows up late to the party, but he's equally distraught.
Now here's the question that needs to be asked: In the context of this story, what purpose does Diamond's death bring other than the shock factor? What changed as a result of her taking the plunge rather than being talked down other than giving the story a sadder ending? Consider the actual act of Diamond's actual jump. There were no attempts to catch her or break her fall. In fact, Applejack and Rarity treated her falling like some kind of incoming missile. Just from that image alone, it doesn't seem so much as Diamond dying was tragic. It was just the fact that she died that made everyone sad. What was it that made her death any more tragic than if it had been some random pony that had been passing by instead? The way I see it, there are 3 possible answers to that question: the tragedy that preceded the death, the impact the death had on her loved ones, and the impact the death had on everyone else.
When Diamond reached the edge of that cliff, she wasn't able to be convinced not to jump. While it's possible Silver's last statement could have stopped her, her mental state was clearly at a point where she truly believed she was a waste of oxygen. Now, what brought upon this tragic realization? It wasn't Silver breaking their friendship. She responded to that with anger. It wasn't the inability to find another friend. That just made her depressed and contemplate her situation. No, her big turnaround that made her realize she was useless came about by...suddenly realizing it was true. Without so much as an example of a time where she looks at something from the perspective of someone else, she concludes that she is mean and immediately determines that there's nothing she can do about it and suicide is the only answer. Essentially, the consciousness of someone else entered her mind at that moment and was disgusted with what she found. Keep in mind this is the same character who, a week ago, wasn't concerned with the death of the CMC. Now she's suddenly upset about discomforting them emotionally to the point of wanting to end her own life because of it. I get what you were going for. The use of an epiphany is to cause a sudden realization that completely alters someone's frame of mind and brings about a change in their behavior, but there needs to be a trigger to cause the epiphany that's consistent with prior characterization, and the result of that epiphany needs to seem justified. You gave Diamond all the necessary reasons to decide to make the ultimate choice, but the reason she came up with those reasons were basically injected into her without justification. She picked up the Suicide Ball and refused to let it go.
Even if the reason she jumps is just pure insanity, the reactions of Diamond's loved ones to her death can make it all meaningful, and stone statues they were not. They did actually care about Diamond's death, and it shows. However, their reactions to her death were inconsistent with their reactions before her death. When Diamond's about to jump off the cliff, Silver pleads for her not to because they've been best friends since they were little. So they've had a bond that's lasted for years and years, and Silver ends it at Ghastly Gorge at the drop of a hat because of yet another sudden realization: Diamond's really mean. While it's true that a lifelong friendship can come to an end because one of them becomes a murderer or a taxidermist, the bond of that kind of friendship is not an easy one to break. After Silver breaks it off with Diamond, she shows no remorse, no second-guessing, she doesn't even really think about her again until she finds that letter. As for Filthy Rich, he's not even in the story until after Diamond dies, which means we have no frame of reference related to what he thought of her beforehand. Maybe he wanted to be there for her and work got in the way. Maybe he didn't care about her at all outside of getting in trouble for child abuse from having no babysitter. It lessens the impact of Diamond's tragedy, because as far as we've been shown, she's right in her assumptions. No one does care about her, so why should her death matter?
Then there's everyone else's reaction to her death. We've seen how Applejack and Rarity took it. I'm sure there will be plenty of lip service at her funeral, but that's really all I can assume. The only light at the end of this third tunnel is the CMC. Thanks to Diamond's trip from Limbo, there is a bit of closure in this category: Diamond wasn't that bad. Well, isn't that a great big splatter of egg on Diamond's face? I guess she kind of overreacted with the whole suicide thing. This is the third strike against the significance of Diamond's death. Yes, there is grief, but that will eventually fade. So what's the lasting effect that Diamond's death caused? Is this the first suicide in Equestrian history in years? Is this a reason for ponies to not be so quick to judge others? Are they going to name the cliff after her? Are they just going to cover up her death? If so, would anyone have a problem with that? Consider this: is anyone glad she's dead? That's what Diamond thought would happen after she died. Think what that would mean if she was wrong. Think what that would mean if she was right. Which one fits in better with your story's message?
As I've said before, death is a serious matter. In fiction and in real life. However, in fiction, the difference is that the author chooses who lives and who dies. Therefore, when someone dies, the author is saying "this character needed to die." In Star Wars, Obi-Wan died so he couldn't help train Luke to be a Jedi. In Beauty and the Beast, Gaston died so he wouldn't crash the wedding and continue to threaten the romance. In Spider-Man, Uncle Ben died to make sure his "great power" quote got stuck in Peter's head for all eternity. In this story, Diamond thought her life lacked purpose, but the way I see it, her death lacked it more.
The story has plenty of merit. The description is vivid, particularly in the death scene, the grammatical errors are minimal, the style is that of a real story, the dialogue seems believable, and the emotions feel real. Given the way you set up the initial characterization of Diamond and Silver, it would almost seem more appropriate if Silver was the main character of this story. Generally, if our main character has no qualms with killing someone, people start looking for someone else to root for unless there's some serious character development.
You succeeded in making the story feel sad. The fact that she died did surprise me even if the death itself was a bit comically over-the-top. It was just a shame that the death itself was much more powerful than the events surrounding it. I'd call this story an almost empty cereal box. It's a sad story, full of emptiness and sorrow for nearly all the characters involved. I just wish there was enough substance for me to get a good spoonful of it.
Make the most!
Wow... THIS was an amazing story. I actually felt bad for Diamond Tiara. And I DESPISE her.
I have to wonder if either you or someone you are/were close to was suicidal, because you nailed the thoughts of a suicidal person. I've been in that boat before, several times, so this story really hit close to home for me. (If you don't want to answer to that, I understand).
Again, this is one of the best sadfics I've ever read from this fandom. (And I'm part of a fanfic reading group, so I've read a LOT of sadfics.) I can't wait to see what else you come up with!
2907593
I really appreciate how you took that amount of time in reviewing my story, and yeah, I guess there were a few holes here and there, but keep in mind this is my first time EVER writing something like this, so I guess it's to be expected. In addition to that, I kept having worries in my mind that it would be too long so I kinda subconsciously left out some details that probably should have been there. I will definitely keep some of the things that you have mentioned in mind if I were to make another tragedy/sad story.
2908642
Thank you for your support! I'm glad that you enjoyed reading it, and no, I'm not, nor ever was suicidal. There is only one person I know that was, my mother, a couple years back, thought I don't think she's was reason I was able to do this. I think I was able to nail the emotion by simply reading about peoples' stories on the internet, and remembering certain things about other books/shows/media... he he.
2907593
Oh, and I also forgot, about your comment on them not trying to catch her:
I assumed that even if they did manage to get under her in time, her velocity would be too great and it would seriously injure or even kill the catcher, which is why I had the two adult mares ran away; the fillies didn't even move because they were frozen with fear. I thought about Rarity using her magic, but from what I've seen in the show, her magic is only able to levitate rather light objects, and most certainly nothing going as fast as Diamond was. I'd image Twilight would be able to do it, though, as you read, she didn't even know it was happening, nor was she even close to location.
For inspiration on how I would describe her death, I scrounged the internet for information about what happens to someone who hits the ground from a great height, and particularly for eyewitness accounts of some unfortunate people who had to watch others splatter all over the ground during 9/11. They described it how I pretty much described it, just with more graphic detail.
What a good sad story you made here good job
I was looking for Diamond Tiara Feels and you give me tears. Thank you, if it was my cup of tea I would like it much better. I'm up voting you so, keep up the good work.
I think if Rarity tried using her magic and stop her in midair DT would have broken her neck anyway.
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Yeah, for some people, gore in a story like this can be.... upsetting.
But for me personally, I find something like this to be one of the most traumatizing and therefore saddening things anyone could ever experience: seeing a loved one come to a violent demise, right before their eyes. I was hoping to depict this, and I think I did a decent job at it.
Thanks for reading, and I'm glad you liked it!
This is so good!!! I cried for most of it!!! You are extremely talented!
Very Well written. You have a great story focusing on a mostly disliked character. Keep it up!
I can't help but think that this will be what happen when Daimond moves on.
But seriously, I did liked the fic even if it was over detailed.
I read this at school and I so hope none of mu friends read this over my shoulder. That would be bad.
4347528 wonder why you have no like to your comment nor any likes. Let's fix that.
This video is really well placed, but maybe DT don't deserve something that bad (seeing Satan having sex with Saddam Hussein is not something you forget easily) So, maybe not paradise, but something in between ?