Brand Name Faces
“Right this way, Princess!” chirruped the pretty young assistant, clearly on staff more for her figure than her way with figures. Sister would scold such thoughts as uncharitable, amongst other remonstrances. At least, she would, if doing so did not remind her that we have been replaced by such as this flittering flutter-headed pegasus fledgling currently serving as "guide" down a narrow, doorless, and unremarkable corridor towards a room with no other entrance or exit.
Oh, never let it be said that we were ever disrespected – perish the thought – we are antique glass sculptures: to be handled with utmost care. Princess they still call us. Princess because we do not age, we do not die, we cannot simply be put in a home to be forgotten about. Respect for tradition, they call it, reverence for our wisdom and our service. Figurehead, more like it: empty of merit, empty of worth, empty of anything but smiling and standing behind them as though we support these empty-headed fools who elect each other this and that and every other thing!
“Can I get you anything, Princess? Water, tea, biscuits?” As though she speaks to a child, to be kept in good spirits by being fed and watered regularly. Thousands of years of experience, wisdom, and statecraft are good for one thing, at least: keeping a calm face no matter the thoughts roiling behind the eyes. Sister is better at it, always has been; but the little assistant is still staring.
“No, dear child. I am quite alright.” She is not so staid, her expression shouts irritation at being called a child, just managing to school herself as we step beyond the corridor. Sister would be more tactful, but it is entirely justified: there have been naps that lasted longer than this creature’s entire span!
“The Director will be with you shortly.” Ah-hah. Being kept waiting. A bit of petty revenge. It is so easy to miss the time when nopony would dare, when every creature would bow at the entrance of a Princess. It was irksome at the time, yes, but the alternative! Ai.
Ah! Not kept too long, it seems. Some still have manners, or – more likely – wish to keep a valuable asset happy. “Princess! So glad you could make it,” as though there were choice, “we have you scheduled to go on in just a few minutes,” how gracious, a few minutes to prepare, wondrous, “so if you could just step this way, makeup will get you ready!” Makeup, yes, of course there must be some fault to make-up. Sometimes one must choose to ignore grievous insult when it is not meant. Sometimes one must ignore grievous insult when the Paycheck is at stake. Best Princess face at the ready, that’s the way. When in doubt, smile it out, as Sister would say.
Primped and powdered and thoroughly put out. Made-up. Ready for the stage, ready for yet another spot between programmes ponies truly wished to witness. Once their Princess in truth, now merely a gimmick to sell product. Perhaps one day, after this feckless civilization has crumbled to dust, we will rule in truth once more. A daydream; a dalliance. Sister would frown so if she knew such hopes could be harbored; even yet she wishes no ill upon those she would call her little ponies.
“We’re ready for you now, Princess. If you could just step back here – you do remember your lines, don’t you? – we’ll get started.” Do you remember, he asks. Oh, Sister. Forbear, you plead. Tolerate. Keep peace. A Princess must keep her calm and her dignity – such as remains to her; tattered, bruised, and battered though it may be.
“Yes.” Yes to all of it. Yes to all and sundry; an assurance, that. Succor offered, though not earned. That simple word accompanied by a gracious, and perhaps enigmatic, smile – Sister is an excellent teacher – has earned much. Respected and perhaps even loved figures of a bygone era we may be, but Figurehead is not gainful employment. It is not work that offers much in any sense; sense: ‘tis not an occupation at all! Loathe though she is to admit it, Sister cannot cope without her amenities and vanities; one of which is pride, never doubt. Spartan though she has always kept her personal quarters, as little as she has cared for material things, living for millennia pampered by functionaries amongst the greatest splendor the nation could offer has had a singular effect.
It came on slow, as always it seems to with our kind. She found, as influence waned, as Equestria moved on without us at the center, that she needed the attention, and – if honesty permits – she was not alone in that. Oh, it would be simple to exist at a level of substantial comfort with little effort. Equestria’s Princesses possess time – a dwindling resource for aught else – in great abundance. A fortune that cannot be taken. A wealth that, properly invested, produces a cornucopia which will never cease to satisfy material needs, yet leaves lack in the spirit.
“Miss?” Truly? A Princess is reduced to such appellations? An imperiously raised brow was once enough to send scurrying even the stoutest heart. “Please place your hooves on the gaffing tape there so I can... oh sorry, I mean the little marks on the ground,” forsooth? There are such vast and empty spaces between the stars of Night, it must be thought that such emptiness also occupies the area between the royal ears. “so if you could stand here while I make sure everything checks out. And could you keep your wings down? I’ll have to readjust the lights if you keep them spread like that!”
Yes, spirit; that least understandable but most vital aspect of life – one which this technician appears determined to stamp upon. A heavily heaved sigh and the rolling of eyes is most decidedly called for, but not becoming, no. Never proper to reveal truth whole. Sister believes that being aloof will save us from the depredations of endless time, that our doom springs from passion unfettered. Perhaps so, yet still we needs must connect with others, ephemeral as they may be; for boredom is a relentless foe, and detachment its ally.
Oh, never say that Sister would advocate withdrawal from Equestria, no; and she has always done her fair share in all things, bit-earning no exception, but never would she stoop to mere advertisement. No, stooping falls to a lesser Princess. Though, truth: appearing before and endearing the watching populace of Equestria is no hurt. No bitterness now, surely, merely long habit of empty rivalry. A habit accompanied by no few others – none of which well serve. Ai, but such satisfaction in the clash and patter of jibe and taunt, wit served and returned with such grace and skill that no wound can be found to tally score. No such pleasure to be found here, to be quite certain.
“Please, Miss! We’ll go on, soon,” the sooner, the better, “I have to make sure you’ll look as good at home as you do here!” As though a Princess could ever look less than perfect. “My foals’d never forgive me if they knew I hadn’t done my best to make their favorite Princess look her best!” Ai, base flattery! Yet...
Much as this young technician has unwittingly infringed upon an admittedly delicate sense of reserve, such behavior is a token of achievement long fought for. To be treated with, rather than ignored; to be part and not outside of; to live and not simply be: worth every moment of struggle. Ai, all hurts can be lifted light as a heart surrounded by true friends with the prospect of the Paycheck.
Good grace, fond regard, a smile upon meeting. Truly, the Paycheck could never be acquired with mere currency. Diminution of ancient pride, former image, in purchase of comfortable continuance: a bargain at thrice the price. Perhaps it is folly to consider such succor a debasement of self, rather: a passing of the aeons within. A death for the deathless, a change within the changeless forms of the eternal alicorn Princesses.
Galling as it ought to be, works such as this provide means and meaning to ones once considered deities. Hardly divine, however, when the little mouse of a technician hurriedly adjusts wing and hoof to better suit the light; immaculate transcendance of the alicorn altogether absent in the heedless plucking surge of the passing now.
“We’re on in five!” Yes, scurry off little mouse, leave the plumage alone!
Waiting seems to suit, waiting in darkness just outside the reach of light more so. Being used by fops such as these shadowy cretins, ever glimpsed but dimly beyond bright lights, who see their Princess defined by ancient indiscretions, myth, and hearsay, does not. Waiting for the cue to step into the light is a chord so familiar, so persistent, that it has undoubtedly informed the cadence of every headache endured over these most recent millennia. The Paycheck: keep that foremost and patience will find a way – must find a way. It will always grate, no doubt. Ai, but already the show begins.
The ponies of Equestria must find well-oiled baritones pleasing, for every announcer seems to be in possession of one. “When the sun sets, you can always trust the Princess of the Night to be there for you,” true. Ancient duty and modern boredom have combined to assure that the Princesses of Equestria are always ready to aid their subjects. However, “with her line of the most luxurious and fine linens, sheets, and bedding.” Somehow, not quite so noble – ai, it is time to shine:
“As your Princess of the Night, I know a few things about what it takes to get a good night’s sleep, which is why I choose Moon-brand Bedding!” That’s the way, out of the shadows, smile radiant as the fullest moon. Just say the lines and describe the... the product with graceful hoof and elegant wing. "Even though the night won't last forever, there's no reason you shouldn't want it to!"
Not merely the words, but the cheer with which they must be uttered: it would have stung, once, had a weary and wounded heart not received the peerless medicine of a lifetime spent with six very special girls. Eternal gratitude is a heavy burden when the recipients are gone, but one they well earned. Perhaps a burden that gifts the bearer a smile is no burden at all.
“No more tossing and turning, trying to find a comfortable position! With Moon-brand bedding you’ll fall asleep instantly and sleep more soundly, without waking up in the middle of the night!” Are any of these claims tested? Assuredly they must be: how could they sell falsehoods from the mouth of a Princess? Ai, none would countenance such deceptions if they were still here.
Theirs were lives of that resplendent richness which stems entirely from harmony; an effulgence which spread like a restorative balm from their very presence. Truly blessed were those with whom they chose to spend their time. All of Equestria looked upon them as heroes; but quietly, for they wished nothing of the fervent praise and admiration which would elsewise be heaped upon them.
In the fullness of time, under the weight of the amaranthine onus that is Equestria, they went each their own way. Into darkness, into light, into lands far yet always near to heart. Each to their own need, each to the their own destiny, to seek the peace of enlightenment on that road which is ever walked alone. All but their center, all but the eternal student, the radiant star. She stayed for a time, after the others had gone: her duty not quite done.
“Only Moon-brand bedding has the patented Moonbeam weave, to give it that silvery-soft feel.” As though true moon beams could be so captured; though if it were possible, she could have done it.
A scholar, a dreamer, a scientist, an idealist. T’was her influence, her notions, which brought the public statecraft. A golden age dawned, they say, when the voice of every stallion, mare, and foal could be heard; their wants and needs weighed against their neighbors’ in public halls and town meetings. As though the Princesses were inept, inadequate, and incompetent. Ai, no. She and Sister both would be so cross if they knew a Princess harbored such cynical bitterness for the whimsy of the masses.
Though such skepticism seems, now, well founded. The aurelian foam of that gilded era gently swept Royalty out, and the incessant bickering of local partisanship in. The golden age set, swiftly as Sister’s Sun, the dissolute needs proving too great a strain without any semblance of central leadership. The sparkle of the age had passed, and so a swinging of the pendulum brought back authority to its ancient resting place. Sister and I were called to serve, though in a purely advisory capacity; of that we were laboriously assured. With equanimity, we accepted: some inkling of the need to not be forgotten which so shadows us now, perhaps. A weakness she never shared. None of them did.
“Ever look up at the stars and wish you could spend all night gazing at their majesty? I know I have. With Moon-brand bedding you can bring the deep star-studded velvet of Night into your own home, for the amazingly low price of...”
Price. Truly all things have their price. Crude bits cannot purchase contentment, the old adage holds true, but not all commerce is carried out with so constrained a currency. A carefully measured ration of cheer, a hoof wielded with deliberate grace and aplomb, a name and face that the ponies of Equestria have grown up with. These things sell.
“No Nightmare will find you when you sleep on a Moon-brand bed, your Princess guarantees it!” Ai, if such assurances hold meaning to any pony still, then the sale of a Princess has been paid in full.
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THIS REQUIRES A DRAMATIC READING!
Also, that was some labor-intensive literature there! Nicely done!
This is hard to rate. The premise is executed masterfully, which is almost an irritant, because I dislike the premise.
Ai, fine. Take your upvote, and your favorite too.
Well written with great characterization. But sadly the only thing that kept me reading was visualizing something more fulfilling than the actual ending. Simply not my cup of tea, but you have a definite talent for writing.
I find myself agreeing with 2902601
Though the premise irks me a fair bit, I can't actually find anything about this that isn't solidly done.
And I did catch myself grinning once or twice at Luna's more colourful internal complaints.
This reads like the first chapter to a longer epic about the Second Rise of the Diarchy
Which is something you should write now.
2902601
This. Masterful, even though the premise is disconcerting, and needs to be continued
This was brilliantly executed. And a good idea kernel to start with. Excellent all around.
I really enjoyed this. It accomplishes so much in so little time. Luna's great, and fun, snarky characterization, a massive amount of world building despite the fact that you never left a single sound stage, seasoned with just the lightest hint of a potentially kingdom-spanning political conflict story that you could either delve into writing or leave just the way it is.
Bravissimo!
Good stuff. You executed the narration in a first-person story wonderfully. All of it felt like it was Luna narrating, and the story flowed together so much better as a result.
Discord is needed, do they still move the sun and moon?
2903124
THIS. The next chapter is called "Luna is Sick of this Shit."
Is the ad foreshadowing that Night Mare Moon will return?
Because even I wouldn't be as patient with these idiots as Luna is being.
This needs the Sad tag, too.
3425866
Luna: From Princess to "Trixie".
Great read! You must have put a lot of work into this, it is very well-thought out and written.
Excellent.
2902992
3388386
2920007
Actually, I got the impression that this was Celestia doing the narrating, though I had my doubts until this line:
But either way, a great read and somewhat chilling example of what could happen
Damn...bravo.
So... This was an... interesting story. To be clear, I never had an intention of downvoting it; it is, I think, a well-done piece, and I do not think I am the sort to downvote things merely because they aren't my cup of tea. Indeed, I spent some minutes trying to upvote it, but I have not been able to bring myself to. To my great surprise, you see, I found the premise of the story viscerally repulsive. I suspect that a large part of it comes from my general dislike of advertising, so to see a living goddess co-empress-in-all-but-name not merely reduced but reduced to... this... Ugh! I've also rewritten my comment several times and indeed gone back and forth on whether to leave a comment at all, but I feel that this story has had too strong an impact for me to not say something. So… here's that something. I'm not sure exactly what you did, but, since I think you probably meant to do at least something like it, well done.
Sorry if this is slightly incoherent; my emotions are still in a somewhat confused state.
edit:
I mean, it can't be just that the Princesses have been so reduced. We don't even know what they were like when they were in charge in this universe. This could be one where they were nearly powerless, or where they were incompetent. There are other universes, other stories, where I'm among those supporting the fall of one or both of the Princesses, sometimes even by violent revolution and death. I clearly don't have a problem with them simply not being on top.
In general… I think a lot of it may be the lack of respect here. As presented in this story, they don't seem to even be figureheads (even though they were called that at one point). There was no revolution, no grand "You are incompetent, get out" moment, no great catastrophe, no tyranny ending in exile… they were just… quietly rendered no more, and possibly less, than any random pony off the street.
And I'm pretty sure that a big part of it is the advertisement thing. If they had just retired to a quiet cottage somewhere, well, there'd be some sadness for things lost, but to be used like this…
…Anyway. I have some other things to do tonight, and I think that I'd likely just be repeating myself if I said more here. I'll just congratulate you, again, on producing such a strong emotional response in me.
edit 2:
And actually, before I go, I think that I will upvote it. It's been long enough that I've been able to sufficiently untangle my conscious appreciation of the quality of the story from my emotional reaction to the content of the story.
Well this was very impressive, if extremely depressing.
I kinda wanted this to be a fake-out, for the narrator to be Twilight referring to Cadance as "Sister". But I think it would've been a harder sell, no pun intended.
Gotta ask about the spelling of "Ai", though. That just bothered me for no good reason.
Man I love this story. I love the whole concept of the sisters gradually being edged out of government, slowly, politely, with no blows or harsh words spoken, and then one day Celestia and Luna look up from their townhouse or whatever and realize that despite their protestations lo these many centuries, they actually do like the attention and the fawning of ordinary ponies, and they feel compelled to do whatever it takes to get themselves into the spotlight. I'd love to see a companion chapter to this with whatever Celestia is doing, maybe starring in direct-to-tv movies or something.
Wow... This was outstanding. Nothing short of brillant in both execution and premise. Ignore folks who get butthurt over the premise – they have no imagination nor appreciation for these finer things. This was beautiful - and hilarious.
I also enjoyed your RCL interview – it was very insightful and you sound like Luna there! You've fantastically caught her voice!
Also, you may want to check out fellow RCL-featured author GaPJaxie's story Intern. I think you would enjoy it as it shares a similar premise with Selling Out
All I have to say is...this was awesome.
Sometimes, more often than I like to admit, I think what will the princesses be doing in the far future, today I got my answer.
It's hard to see how after ruling most, if not all, ponykind Luna ended up advertising, using old memories and say things like "Even though the night won't last forever."
I feel a little sad, but I enjoyed the story.
I am most impressed! Bravo!
I'm not fond of the premise either, as 2902601 stated.
However, I cannot deny that this was masterfully written. You've done a marvelous job here, Kaorin.
You've weaved an entire world, complete with all of its problems, without leaving the the set for an advert. I adored your characterization of (former) Princess Luna, and found myself chuckling a bit at her rather colorful remarks regarding the other ponies.
I had to face palm at the premise. What are these two doing advertising products? Surely they own companies and don't need to shill for them? I would think the skills and connections of a ruler would translate over to that of a CEO fairly well. If nothing else, I'm sure they can underbid whoever else is raising the sun and moon these days and have a respectable cash flow that way.
That said, it's very finely written. I've got not problems with the author's wordcraft.
"So why don't you join the thousands of happy peppy ponies and get a great big bottle of VitaMitoChloridians today! That's Vita--Mito--Chloridians!"
6283848
Finer things you say? Part of the reason why I love mlp so much is because it seems to be without the trappings of a modern society. After all, that's what we have in the states.
And look what we do with it. The Princesses' idea of a monarchy is a good one, because they really care.
And no matter how well-written this is- and it was superb -I can't imagine that Twilight would have ever condoned them sidelining the Princesses in this fashion.
Nor do I like the premise that the girls are once again dead and gone; what IS it with people in this fandom saying that they're gonna die? We can't even say that's canon, cause the show hasn't got that far yet.
I can't really fault the writing, which is good, but I find the premise of two immortals that have ruled since time immemorial suddenly being chucked from power and reduced to doing commercials for a living to be laughable and stupid.
6294166
Me too. And one aspect of fanfiction is to play with those ideas and generate interesting stories out if them. If you want the show, go watch the show, or read authors who write in a show like style – I'd recommend 8686's Eclipse, another RCL feature.
I can, and it makes a lot of sense that ponies, like people, would like to be ruled by one of their own. After all, if it's what the populace wants, how could the royal sisters deny them while still serving them well? Ruling a populace that doesn't want you there is the basically the definition of a tyrant dictator. So as Equestria becomes more technological and more educated, they are likely to become more democratic, which would lead to the royal sisters having to make a decision: retire or become the villain. Like you said, they do really care, so what would you see them choosing? Intern does a fantastic job of selling it, so check that out if you want.
Well McCarthy did say in a tweet that Twilight is still mortal, so there's some word of god there.
6294767
Not exactly – have you seen the Hearths Warming Eve episode? The ponydom seems to have a pretty good memory of times before the royal sisters. Also, the story goes into pretty good detail on how Luna has many more reasons than just "the Paycheck" to be doing the commercial.
6251631 "Ai" is an alternate spelling of "Ay", which (aside from itself being an alternative spelling of "aye", meaning "yes") is not a true word in English but an onomatopoeia for a sound of irritation, frustration, annoyance, and/or disgust. It may (may, mind you; it may be older than the possible origin listed after here, or may not even be associated woth this origin at all) take itself from the Mexican word "ay!", which means something along the lines of "oh!"
It may be a bit more familiar in the form of seeing someone facepalm and say, "Ay-yi-yi..." after seeing their dog has taken a crap on the kitchen floor.
I HATE this story.
I HATE what has been done to the Princesses.
I HATE the way they are treated.
And because you have made me feel such visceral hatred, this is upvoted, favorited, and you are now followed.
Honestly, my only real-world issue with this is the fact that a bunch of ponies with a propensity to stampede from a rampaging horde of bunny rabbits think that they can run their own country without their physical goddesses to actually get things done; I am of the firm opinion that Celestia and Luna NEED to be the rulers of Equestria, if only for the fact that they are (at least in Celestia's case) guaranteed to be kind, wise, and benevolent, whereas eventually the populace will elect someone like Blueblood, who is more talk than action and/or not someone woth the country's best interests at heart.
Long Live the Diarchy of the Heavens.
Excellent job, and well done.
6295046
That's... Not quite what she said. Many people have interpreted it that way, but there's several ways to interpret what she said.
6294040 I have now headcanoned that the House of Windsor is waiting for tens of thousands of years to pass and civilization to collapse and rise from the ashes so they can rule once more.
5028955 As others have said: author, you managed to pass on Luna's snark and contempt for the society she lives in.
Of course, unlike most of the other people apparently commenting here, I like democracy. Not so much on the commercialism, but...
Which means that you managed to make me viscerally feel, from the inside, a world-view I deeply disagree with. Bravissimo indeed!
I don't know what to say about this... It's interesting.
There's two spaces here. This is the only typo I found in the whole thing.
6298067
"I have now headcanoned that the House of Windsor is waiting for tens of thousands of years to pass and civilization to collapse and rise from the ashes so they can rule once more."
Hah! :)
Regarding the democracy thing:
It's more complicated here, I think, than democracy vs. diarchy. We don't have a "The king is just another man, one who happens to have lucked into a fancy hat, and even if he's a benevolent and competent man in a fancy hat, in fifty years the fancy hat can be on his cruel and incompetent relative" situation here. The Princesses were immortal and literally physical goddesses. They can go wrong, certainly (see Nightmare Moon), but it's also possible for them to be benevolent and competent (and very aware of the need for long-term planning and sustainability) for thousands of years straight. A mortal, ordinary elected representative doesn't have that, any more than a mortal, ordinary monarch does. At the very least, the Princesses could have been kept as constitutional monarch who had mostly ceremonial duties but who could still step in if the legislature set itself on fire. To remove them from government entirely seems like quite a waste.
6298698 They're certainly capable of very long-term planning. It's just that, without things like elections and checks on their power, I don't actually trust that they're listening properly to what their subjects want and need. It's noted that democracy was implemented by Twilight Sparkle, who is, herself, an alicorn princess. If Twi thought it a good idea to listen to the common people, because there's lots of them and their needs are the important thing to keeping society healthy, but Luna thinks the commoners are a bunch of dumb mayflies, then I'm actually kinda inclined to go with Twilight.
6298067 Tens of thousands? The "House of Windsor" hasn't even lasted a full century yet!
6298939
Oh, yes; as I said in the old comment you replied to, there are universes where the Princesses really aren't very good at their jobs. Even if this is one of those, though, it seems to me as if it's one where the Princesses could have been taught differently and/or tempered by an increase in democratic power below them. The Princesses of this universe let themselves be removed entirely from the government, and Luna's even... doing this. That does not say to me that they are people who would ignore a parliament under them. From what Luna says (though she may be an unreliable narrator), it also sounds like the democracy movement escalated over time, possibly getting away from Twilight's original designs.
I've worked enough shit jobs that I can't really find any sympathy for Luna here.
6299171 THAT'S THE JOKE.
6300255
static1.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/Lol+_c862f61cdcb8d11695c95b6415cc0562.jpg
6300169
Yeah, let her try working retail for a while. She'll be begging to shill for pillows in no time.
I know that Luna's basically whining about the most first world of first world problems but that's still really depressing. Still if she waits long enough the monarchy will probably come back eventually.
Some nights are better than others. This night wasn't one of them but I'm ok with that. You got to have some points in your life where you are not satisfied and might as well when things are going well. Pendulum swings back and forth and up and down and left and right and all around.
6251631
It's "aye", not "ai."
6301526 What intrigues me is that she is thinking so lowly of everyone who is basically trying to get her set up to the job. The technician is someone trying to stamp out her spirit, but is a lowly mouse to Luna scurrying about. While the Technician is likely just trying to get everything set up and is just wishing Luna would be a bit more cooperative so that she can perform her job rather then thinking ill of her like Luna is of everyone else.
Along with taking offense to being called "Miss" instead of "Princess" despite the fact that she is no longer one, continuing to think she knows better then the rest... Luna certainly didn't take to democracy well if the first thing she thinks of everyone is that they are trying to insult her even if by offering pleasantries such as food or water! What person thinks they are being coddled as a child if they are being asked if they wanted something to eat or drink?
Luna sounds like the Diva who thinks they deserve everything, such insufferable people to work with on a job. Though she at least keeps it to herself, but still her thoughts are somewhat vile and reveal quite a bit of what she thinks about others.
This is so beautiful, and I could totally see it happening.
Ten ouddah ten.
6303266
Made me think of Catelyn Stark from GoT. The book specifically. Something people who only watch the show miss out on is probably one of her most despicable moments. Upon seeing Brienne, Catelyn pities her because "'Is there any creature on earth as unfortunate as an ugly woman?" Never mind that Brienne is a strong and skilled knight who can beat most men into the ground. Nope, she's ugly, and that is tragic.
She never says this, but phew, does it say a lot about her character.
6306520 It did remind me of that moment from the books, a persons thoughts on others can reveal quite a bit about oneself.
I get the gist of the story, and it is well-written; not withstanding what I can only assume is some strange alternate spelling of 'aye'. However as someone who actually lives under a real modern monarchy, I don't personally see the premise as possible. Whilst the Queen may not wield the sun, moon or other celestial body, she has power and money enough (including the rights of ownership to every square foot of land in this kingdom) to ensure that she wouldn't be reduced to selling bedding.