Several years have passed since Twilight became to princess for her magnificent magical full-time and their knowledges about friendship. However the Princess Celestia assigned a role that she wasn't meant to be: Guarantee the royal functions in Ponyville after the mayor elections and confront the political project undertaken by the new mayor with the complicity of Manehattan's one, whose policies go against the teachings of Twilight and it can provoke a world war. This history will show that your critics and enemies can come from where least expect, Respect the differences of the other. But most important of all is: THE FRIENDSHIP CAN LAST FOREVER BEYOND DEATH AND YOUR MESSAGE WILL BE RETAINED BETWEEN PEOPLE YOU LOVE MOST.
Chapters (5)
Huh firstly i though it will be some cliche plot with Chrysalis, but after reading those 3 chapters you go into more politicall stuff.
You have a lot of errors with missing " " and capitalizing names, characters act OOC especially Fluttershy and Twilight.
Lack of some serious reaction from Twilight about talk with Celestia is little strange, i mean she talked with her and later just like nothing happened.
Sometimes it's hard to get who said what.
You are missing OC tag, Mayor's probably will be more in that story than just backgrounds.
Reread it by yourself and repair those little mistakes.
3027521LOL BRO.
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3027380Hello Perteks, thanks for the critics.
First I'll correct the tags and names. I need better that.
Second. Flutttershy maybe acts OOC cause I don't have a main role to her in this fic. (Not for now). Regarding for Twilight she is angry with Celestia for the lack of trust to her. But she knows that need Celestia help to bring order to the gala. I don't sure if change that part between Celestia and Twilight. Do I?. Finally about the tag. Luna and Manehattan Mayor will have a main role in this fic. But the stories only accept five character tags. and Big Mac is more important than them.
I'll continue with the next chapter, but maybe I change a bit the Twilight part.
Thanks again.
Holy cow, the grammar is killing me. I can't even read the description.
3412887 Bro, I understand your pain. I guess it's now up to me to try and piece together a semi-coherent description that may be used to give the readers some idea of the general plot of the story!
Also, writing a story title entirely in capital letters is advised against.
3412969 Hello Siara, first I thank you for you critics. But I want to know if lack grammar knowledge is enough to destroy the story. english isn't my native language, but I'd understand if it's necessary to make a pause or not continue with my fic. With regard to description of plot, the world war is a part of history, but I want to emphasize other causes, like pony deaths and the disappointment due to betrayal, inconsistencies, the inability in political activities. Therefore I want an honest opinion: Should continue with my history until to improve the grammar, change the plot of story or simply, finished this now.
Thanks guys for your generous support.
3414421 Poor grammar doesn't destroy the story, but it makes it incredibly hard for native English speakers to enjoy it. The history side is entirely up to you, but it pays off if you try to entertain the audience alongside providing the historical context. So no, there's no need to stop writing, but it might pay off to try and find a pre-reader or editor somewhere to help make the storytelling more effective
Good luck with the rest of the story!