It was only natural that introspection would come in the wake of something as monumental as a royal wedding. With the festivities of Shining Armor's betrothal long since past, Twilight has come to realize that there exists a tremendous gap in her studies of friendship, that being that she doesn't really have any stallion friends. That's likely because pursuing platonic relations with the opposite gender is rather difficult when there's a growing desire in her heart for something deeper than her friends can provide.
After an afternoon of disturbed study time and unexpected dental catastrophe, the last thing Twilight would have expected was for opportunity to come knocking in the form of a quiet stallion reading in her library. Enraptured by the chance to expand her education, Twilight bumbles into the newcomer's life without the faintest notion of the depth of the pony's loss. Though her faith in friendship is strong, it will take more than her magic to undo the scars of his past, and keep a heart once filled with wonder from succumbing to the power of doubt.
Set after the events of the season three pilot and before Twilight is crowned princess.
3373499
*Slowclap* Bravo my good sir. You win.
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OH MY CELESTIA, LUNA, DISCORD, CHRYSALIS, SOMBRA, AND ANY OTHER POWERFUL PONY RELATED CREATURES, THIS IS FUCKING AMAZING!!!
3373533 Brushie ALL teh things!!!
And Ceru, we forgot to say that this is only season two compliant. Before anypony complains. Sorry for not noticing sooner, brah.
3373533 Glad you like it so well! ^_^
3373533 OH MY GOD I KNOW RIGHT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??
Automatically liked and faved because it's you.
As long as their first meeting goes the same way...
So... no missing swords and it's already at that state? Damn.. that was an important part of his life...
Right, instead of finding him in the woods, she's going to find him in the shower.
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So is this a prequel or a re-write of Tears in the Snow?
I am curious....
Finally a new story!
Yes, I haven't begun reading it yet, but I'm curious too. Is it a next story in the series or a prequel? Or a complete rewrite?
I thought you were going to write a new story and finally give Rarity a coltfriend too. Hasn't she suffered enough?
3373774 This is a re-write of Tears, a new beginning for the series. However, Mel/Wintergreen is letting the characters write the story right now, so its direction is a bit unknown. Still, it will reach a similar resolution in the end, I think, and should have a minimal impact on the subsequent book's main plot. Hope that answers your question, and I hope you enjoy the story! ^_^
- A pre-reader
3373906 Ah yes, Rarity's time will come, in fact writing for that has begun already (though it's been back-burnered by the rewrite) This story though, is intended to replace Tears. I think once we get this book finished, and the continuity errors that will arise in the others taken care of, writing for Rarity will resume. Worry not; she will have her stallion.
3373921
AWESOME! =D
Curulean's journey we see at last
A stallion fleeing from a saddening past
As Twi finds a new friend, he may find peace
A caring group, for his release
Awaiting another great story that's sure to be grande
Another great hit, you're sure to land
And now I fave, as I wait for more chapters
And also must ask, have you seen my raptors?
So you and Kiro make me happily sad
Both with beyond epic stories that test my patience like mad
So I wait in great hope as Curulean's journey returns to the start
And salute you, sir, for writing his part.
-Eclipse
Ahhh, that initial meeting. Very smooth, Twi.
3373774 i think it is rewrite, if so. I think it works much better than the original one.
Also note to the awesome author, keep up the good work my good chap! I could feel that Cerulean is...more real? Don't know if that makes sense but I could feel that he is more of pony in-depth than the original one and the original story you did of him was very good, I'd imagine this will leap further from that into something better.
I love the metaphor conversation that Twilight and Cerulean had together.
Cheers!
-Morfonious
Wow. I got finished reading Tears, I checked your page, and here this is.
3373656
Ditto
So if Fluttershy would like to be a tree and Twilight would like to be a book and books are made from trees then...of course Fluttershy is Twilight it all makes sense now
Time to add this to my Ceruverse group and make a new folder for it.
Just wanted to say that your description for this story is god-tier. This story grabbed my attention so hard.
I will return with my thoughts once I read.
The description gives away way too much of the story.
Ill read this when I don't feel like a complete and utter douche bag.
liked and faved for the description, will not change in the future (if the rest of the story is as good as said description)
Great writing funny dialogue and new story. Im so excited!:p
Wow that was ...... Good
3374561 Perhaps it does describe the opening in too much detail, but trust me, there is much more to come that it does not foretell.
who the holy hell is this dude?
*checks stories*
oh... OH!
You already changed your name~
Well, ok~
*goes to reading*
Good heavens, my head is spinning from all that vocabulary you were using. I know it's a good goal to make your texts, well, verbose, but I feel like it almost went a bit too far. I'm pretty sure there's a name for works that are overly eloquent but the name escapes me.
Other than that, I greatly enjoyed this. Colgate's laser and ensuing hilarity was excellent, and I certainly want to find out what exactly is wrong with our mystery character. Seems like he was put under a spell of some sort. Windigoes maybe? Can't say for sure.
In a word: intredasting!
Well that was pretty awesome. The combined awkwardness, incompetence, and...whatever it is that has Cerulean's tail in a knot proved to be quite hilarious and engaging. That metaphor was PRETTY damn cheesy haha.
Curious to see where this goes. Liked and faved, good sir!
Real quick:
I do believe that should be 'dour.'
3375764
You mean like Gulliver's Travels or like a math textbook?
Welp, I'm loving this so far. Keep going like this and I'll have to do something drastic.
-Missy
3375879 Indeed, you are right about that word, 'tis noted. As for his wordiness... do you feel it is an issue that needs to be addressed, or simply a noticeable quirk?
Please use slightly less description for actions, I'm not your Language Arts teacher, you don't need to impress me with your vocabulary.
Just because Steven King does it doesn't make it cool.
3375898 Yeah, I had to reread a couple of sentences to make sure I was understanding properly. Such verbosity feels out-of-place in something as simple as a fanfic.
3376317 I'm gonna air on the side of noticeable quirk. It doesn't really detract from the overall quality, it just feels a bit...off.
3376389 Well...yeah. Haha.
3376317
I've already made the Steven King comparison in a previous comment. My personal opinion is that it seems like a lot of unneeded fluff, I enjoy an author who can say a lot and write only a little. His style is great for addressing a setting or conversation, but awful for actions or characters.
3376517 Duly noted; It is something we'll have to work on.
3376532
Don't get me wrong, the story itself is interesting, so much so that I've both liked and favorited it.
The writing style does tend to get on my nerves though as I wasn't quite sure if the main character was a unicorn or not until about half way through the second chapter due to the lack of description on some things, and over abundance of the same on others.
3376819
Thank you, this is good feedback. Also you raise an interesting point; I never paid Cerulean's introduction any focus, because I already knew him well. I will make sure to bring this up, because this story is meant to pilot the series, and such important information should be in Cerulean's intro.
"You can study me all night"? Getting pretty desperate there, Twilight :P
Still, a rewrite of Tears ? Color me both pleasantly surprised and immensely pleased. I enjoyed the original well enough, and the follow-up stories were delightful to read, but I'll admit readily enough that Tears was the weaker link of the chain, so seeing it redone is a pleasant sight. As the gateway piece to the series, it has to leave the best impression possible. And so far it certainly beats the starting point of "Save Cerulean from wolves, end up as a tangled heap in a predictably compromising position, have Applejack act as an insufferable nag because of it that you can't help but want to strangle". Hopefully we don't have the eyebrow-rising race with Rainbow Dash this time around either, or at least have it go in a different way entirely.
So far this has been very good though - Twilight's misadventure with Colgate was amusing to read and served as a good lead-in for the story without jumping straight at the meat of things (a sort of "normal day in Ponyville" start), and sets up Twilight's eventual meeting with Cerulean a lot better than the foresight spell, in my opinion. Adds more credence to her meltdown after that embarrassing verbal slip as well, given that she also looked crazy, not just acted like it. Combine the two and makes sense she'd want to curl up in a ball in the darkest corner of her library, heh.
On that note, "Can I be your book" ... I can't deny that's an adorkably romantic sentiment, in a Twilight sort of way. And figures that his immediately apparent interest in literature would be the highest point of appeal in her books, trumping any immediate concerns over appearance or other factors, at least for the time being (Though once he gets washed up, I imagine she will be all but drooling over her newly acquired living book, heh). This moment, along with the follow-up conversation revolving around story metaphors came across as exactly something Twilight might do. Props for coming up with the whole book theme as the basis for their interactions to break the ice, thematically it fits Twilight very well and was well written.
Which brings me to the writing itself, and I must say I absolutely love the rich, detail oriented way that's full of metaphors and epithets. You have a well versed and varied vocabulary, and you obviously know how to use it to bring scenes and images to life. I find that insufficiently descriptive writing often makes for a dull story and kills otherwise good ideas (because the wrapping has to be enjoyable as well, not just the core function - I'm not after a textbook with information presented in the most space-efficient and to-the-point manner, I'm after a story that draws me in and paints a clear mental image of itself for me), so it pleases me greatly to see that is not the case here.
On the contrary - you portray and bring across a vivid mental imagery (though Cerulean himself might use a little more description, I feel, along with character body language in general at times) that all but brings the scenery to life in my mind, which makes for an immensely satisfying read - one that isn't frustratingly full of holes that I have to fill on my own, one that doesn't suffer for lack of clarity nor inability to bring across what it wants to express. Two thumbs (hooves?) up, and here's hoping to see more of this story for my teeth to sink in. Can hardly wait to see how this new and improved version differs from the old one and how things pan out this time around.
Excuse me Colgate's Cannon is the most terrifying thing you will ever experience... Oh god here she comes.
-Runs away to next chapter-
what 3377292 said
3377292 Got it right.
OK honestly, I like this fic and i am sure he has reasons for why hes like that. I dunno maybe he is half Windigo or something (SO AWESOME
)
But still since i like it i must mock it a bit. so just this once
CRRRRRRRAWWWWLING INNN MY SKIIIIIIIN THESE WOUUUNDS THEY WILL NOT HEEEEAL.
PAIN IS HOW I FAAAALL CONFUSING WHAT IS REAL!
again really sorry but i do like the story please write more. 10/10
3377292 quite the impressive critique! Thank you for being as thorough as you were, I will keep your points in mind as well :3
I know there is no comedy tag but that portion with Twilight and Colgate in the first chapter killed me I was laughing so hard. I don't know if it was suppose to be funny but I thought it was. Away nice story. Developing nicely and good characterization. So yeah have some freshly roasted approval.
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3375362 I've read Cerulean1313's (I can't remember the new name) stories, all of them in fact, so I know that there's a lot to it, but stories with long descriptions are a little bit annoying. I'm excited to read this, but I think that it should be half as long, so that it's more pleasing to the eye.
3376819 From what I've gathered based on your comments, your main complaints are twofold. First, you found that Cerulean was lacking in description, and weren't sure of his race until midway through the second chapter. However, the very first time Cerulean appears I confirm his hair, eye, and coat color, along with his race and quick description of his outer appearance, as shown here:
"The unicorn’s disheveled mane was likely once as pure as the snow that seemed to manifest around him at seemingly random intervals, but neglect and dust had marred its ivory sheen. Streaks of turquoise dispersed throughout his hair led her vision down to vacant eyes of the same brilliant color, but there was no sparkle to be found in his heavy-lidded gaze. Apple Bloom’s attention lingered for just a few moments on his dirt-encrusted azure coat before lifting her eyes to the fruit that swayed gently in the breeze."
The reason that this description is the basics is because the scene is being told from Apple Bloom's perspective, and she's not going to scrutinize every minute detail. That's precisely why the more in-depth assessment of his appearance comes in the second chapter, because Twilight is the type of pony who would notice the little things, especially if they pertain to a book-reading stallion:
"Her gaze were drawn first to the soft, almost feminine features of the stallion’s muzzle construction, then to his mane that glinted with every minute movement of his head. Worn longer than most stallions would dare and draped over an eye, a few flakes fluttered down as he absentmindedly swept his mane from his vision, catching the sunlight and shimmering as they danced their way to the floor. Noting the sullied tufts of white fur around his hooves as she lifted her eyes to his cutie mark, a heart of a rosen hue framed within a snowflake, and then finally to the tome he held loosely with a hoof on either side."
So here I introduce that Cerulean is slightly more feminine in appearance than most males, has a longer mane that covers an eye at times, tufts of hair around his hooves, and a description of his cutie mark, which is all new information. I think the confusion lies in the fact that I don't give a complete analysis of his appearance the moment he's introduced.
Now, as for my excessive wordiness, let me take a moment and say that I have never read a Stephen King novel, and thus any similarities in style are purely coincidental. I will admit that there are times when I take things to an extreme, crafting sentences with such complexity that it becomes cumbersome to read. This happens because, quite frankly, I find writing extravagant exposition to be fun. However, just as you found my style to be rather annoying, there are others who appreciate the flow of description, so I'm not really sure there's much I can offer save an apology that you don't find my style choice to your liking. I will try to avoid potential tongue twisters that, while grammatically correct, are practically paragraphs in themselves, though. I hope you continue to enjoy the story, and I'll keep trying to improve. Thanks for the feedback!