"Princess Celestia?"
Alicorn Twilight Sparkle, still wearing her Coronation dress, went to the Princess of Equestria. "Princess? Can I go to somewhere? My other friend and I promised to go at the back of the Canterlot Castle after my Coronation."
Princess Celestia, startled out of her train of thought, looked at Twilight as if she was her daughter that stomped mud all over the shining tiles.
"Twilight, what did I tell you about knocking? As a Princess, you need to learn your manners!"
Twilight hung her head down.
"Alright, you may go. Whoever your friend is. Just be careful! I want you to tell me the name of your 'friend' first."
Twilight looked back at her, "It's Flash Sentry."
"What did you say?"
"I said, it's FLASH SENTRY!" She said, a bit louder.
"You mean the new Guard?" Princess Celestia looked confused.
But Twilight Sparkle was already outside, running to her friend, Flash Sentry.
Our little egghead's in love.
Is English just not your first language?
Anyways, in just these hundred or so words, you've presented a Twilight that's out of character, a Celestia that's nothing like Celestia, and you've attempted to make Steve important in ways no Background pony has ever been.
You've probably scared a number of readers off, at a few places in this transaction. I know I stopped reading seriously after:
I promised to go at the back of the Canterlot Castle after my Coronation.
I mean, that line's just cluttered at best. At worst that's just a portent of things to come.
Nice try