Something bugs Colgate at work, and she seeks out closure.
I uh, couldn't really find a good cover picture though.
Chapters (1)
Bluebirdd065
Joined 3rd Jul, 2012 ·
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I liked it. Short, sweet, and actually pretty funny. A little rushed, but it was still enjoyable.
I did have a couple of problems with your writing style though. My main problem was that you almost never had any variation in sentence lengths, almost all of your sentences seemed to be about seven words long and it made the story difficult to read, my inner voice sounded like it was stuttering.
My second issue was sentence structure. It seems almost as if the only way you ever started your sentences was with the word "she". I think some variations in the sentence structure and length, even small changes with the phrasing of things, would go a long ways towards helping with the "stuttering" issue I have.
Like I said earlier. Overall It was fine, I just had some small issues with it.
Colgate should have glared back at Dinky and said. "Get into my chair and I'll show real pain filly".
3158421
I'll keep that in mind, thanks!
Ok, some friends and I are doing a reading of this story. We all have a question...
"Rúguǒ nǐ shìtú túpò, nǐ huì gǎndào zhēnzhèng de tòngkǔ, wǒ de tízi."
Did you make this up or is it an actual language? We're all pretty curious.
3338136
It's Chinese in its 'traditional' (formal) form. So no, it's not made up.
3339643 Awesome, thanks.