Nightmare Moon has finally regained her corporeal form after being torn apart, mentally and physically, by the Elements. But there is nothing for her here. Where can she go?
James has managed to reach past graduation. Sadly, he is still alone, no one to hold him close at night or when he feels weak. No one that he would gladly give his heart to.
They shall meet, hilarity ensues.
Prequel to Bonum Tantibus.
Nightmare Moon x Human
Rated teen for implying adult content.
Rights n stuff.
Chapters (10)
3167560which parts do you like?
the whole thing two lonely souls finds each other in a dark romance and im liking it
More damit more please!
Lets see where this takes us, shall we?
3167590 i like the parts between the title and the authors notes. this sounds like it's going to be a great story.
3167998suggestion: SCREAM IT LIKE THIS!!!
3168109yes, lets.
3168570i like that part too
3168743 I'd like to say, I thoroughly enjoyed the prequel.
3170451 It's nowhere close to finished., but thanks
...I'm surprised the Doctor even likes this guy, being the descendent of two of one of his lives favorite companions.
3171983 If you recall, he is technically the adopted descendant of Amy and Rory. Amy couldn't have kids, remember?
Also, this is not the eleventh incarnation. He is probably the twelfth or thirteen, depending on what I make it out to be.
James didn't recognize his face, so it had to be a later incarnation.
nicely done
3172217 thanks
Just so we are clear here, there is no pre planning on this story. I am writing it as I go along.
Yep, i'm liking where this is going.
3172849 so am I!
Don't tell the author though.
I want it to be a surprise.
Nice touch with the doctor didn't see that one coming keep it going
3173007 when I began writing the second chapter, I originally planned only to have a small reference.
But eenope. That just couldn't fly.
I had to give little miss Nightmare a friend, if he was even that, and then I had to link the doctor some how and it all just built up into... That thing over there
3175472 You have absolutely no idea.
Neither do I, because I'm still debating whether to write a shower scene.
I might have to change this to mature, even though they won't have... That
And nightmare will be confused out of her poor mind!
As long as we don't get a detailed scene of James teaching Nightmare how to use the toilet like a human, we'll be good.
As for the chapter it was pretty good. There some decent character development and some nice fluff.
3175537
too true
3175577
Actually I'm working on that part as well
I have a couple of ideas for Nightmare.
A bit of strange way to begin a story. It's a little confusing how the narration begins as... well, I don't really know who it is speaking in the beginning... Then it switches off to a third-person narrator, then again to a semi-self-aware character. I don't really like the "breaking the fourth wall" thing but I'm willing to overlook that for the sake of my curiosity. I can truly say that you managed to piqued my interest. I just hope that switching of narration doesn't happen too often. It gets kind of old and kind of annoying after a while.
On a more nitpicking note, there are a few grammar and mechanical errors, but luckily, it's nothing major and doesn't take away from the story too much. Right now, that is really all I can critique on. It's not too long of a chapter and there's not much revealed either. I'll be reading some more of this story soon.
3187387 unfortunately, I still have one more chapter where the two points of view need to be shown.
After that, it will be uniform.
Please tell me where my grammar problems are.
The fourth wall is necessary more so for nightmare moon than James. James is a straightforward character for the most part, and only puts the fourth wall in for comedy.
Nightmare, well, she has issues, and by using her interaction with the audience, it helps me define how unstable she is at various times. Although it also is for comedy partially.
And I just really wanted to beat up the narrator.
The whole point of the beginning is to demonstrate how this whole thing was orchestrated.
Simple, singular, not too complex, until the whole thing is more twisted than Lumbard street.
Ok... Last bit didn't entirely make sense but keep going!
3188072i have my reasons. Have a little faith.
Actually, having faith in myself is what got me in this mess to begin with
3188967thanks
Alright, this chapter is way, way less confusing than the last. The only thing is that I'm a little lost on one part: Is Nightmare Moon a separate entity from Luna now? Or am I just totally lost because I didn't read the first story? Anyways, the narration is a lot better... broken up and labeled. I guess that would be the best way to put it. Also, not too big of a Doctor Who fan, but it was a pretty well worked in as a reference/plot point. A few more grammar mistakes are still present. I won't really point out all of them because: A) I don't really have the time to point them all out, and B) The comments section isn't the place to point out these kind of mistakes (it might discourage readers from looking at your story). I also particularly did enjoy how you demonstrated Nightmare's emotions. Very well written and explored, I would have to say.
Anyways, if you want ask me about the grammar or for any other help on your story, feel free to PM me.
great chapter
Alright. The emotional description, again, is very much your strong suit. You describe very well. The grammar mistakes are a minimal in this chapter, as far as I see. However one thing that I see that bugs me a bit, it seems that their relationship is developing a little fast. I'm glad that you included the fear of this new person that Nightmare Moon is meeting. But I believe that it should have probably been more drawn out, in my opinion at least. Though considering that she is bi-polar... I can't really say that this should be done because it could be entirely possible that her second personality is quick to form these relationships (her first of course being that depressed, suicidal side that feels hated by her fellow ponies). Or if you had included a scene in which the Doctor (again, I have just a little knowledge of Doctor Who, but I do know about of his kindhearted attitude) tells her to trust this man she was about to meet, since the Doctor is really the only person Nightmare Moon seems to think honestly cares for her. Then the fast trust and friendship forming between them would be understandable. But, overall, I think you're getting better and the story is definitely interesting. You have my earned my thumbs up!
3216172 not really spoiling anything when I say this.
The reason the relationship develops so fast is because nightmare has no idea on how amiable she is allowed to be.
And any actually relationship between the two wont happen for an extremely long time.
sheltered life dont know many puns or themes
sorry
welp, I got nothin. Good story though
3231589 Can't really complain.
Most people think I have been living under a rock since the dawn of time itself.
I suspect that we used the New Moon, Waxing Cresent, First Quarter, Waxing Gibbous, Full Moon, and Waning Gibbous.
Because "half empty" was based on First Quarter, I suspect that the next chapter will be named "Half Full" and is based on Last Quarter.
3235850you are absolutely right, mon ami
... If I were referring to the next chapter. Sadly, I was discussing this chapter.
However, with your point, I will give you that this current chapter, number six,(just for clarity) is the waning gibbous.
Between you, me, and everyone else who reads this comment, when I first chose to write the story, that was my intent, but it seemed too... Easy.
yay he solved part of magic
3245072 in my personal experience with actual magic, not street magic mind you, the stuff works in a similar way to how James explains it.
Magic is not an impossible thing, just another form of force which is directed by will power and comprehension. It also takes far too long to learn for me to do much more than move a penny, but it is something!
And you have absolutely no reason to believe me in this... Do you?
I am loving this story so far, good work.
3251698keep reading. You are bound to hate it eventually!
3253071 I highly dought that, I do not hate storys very easily. I will keep on reading and tell what I think of it once I get to the end of what you have writen so far.
I am still reading this and I am still loving it, still good looking forward to the last chapter.
Cute, Nightmare Moon does care, this story really has done a good job in puting her in a new light.
3253493hmm, perhaps thou is made of tougher stuff than we realized...
Time to bring in the big guns!
3253713i try my best.
To be honest, when I picture her upset, she makes me want to piss myself...
But when James truly gets mad, not just annoyed, but enraged, woah boy...
I should consider diapers at that point.