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A young man comes home from work to find himself changing into something... strange. His twin brother is, too. Worst birthday ever. (Contains Christian themes and plot-points)
Based on the "Five Score Divided by Four" story.
(Marked "Teen" for profanity. May contain violence at a later point.)
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Good ending there.
Coolio. I noticed a few mistakes here and there:
Apart from that, it's all still looking good. :)
And a perfect cliff-hanger spot to end on. This should be interesting.
3360677
What's wrong with 'expound'?
ex·pound
verb
1.present and explain (a theory or idea) systematically and in detail.
3360754 Ah, whoops. I just saw the word and assumed it was a mistake, my bad.
This story so far is much better than the one where the mobster's son is sombra.
When life screws with you, drink vodka.
Because we're men.
Gain weird mystical powers that nobody in the known world has?
Brag about it to your brother.
Because we're men.
3392387
Thank you! I admit, that was part of the reason for writing this; I didn't think that Sombra was used to his full potential in that story, there was so much more one could do with that character.
Looking good so far, I can't wait to see what happens to James. The final sentence of the penultimate paragraph ought to end with a question mark, by the way.
3398736
Ah, thanks for catching that!
i feel like the transformations are too quickly but then again i'm the kind of guy that likes adhering to rules and such so i quite literally did the exact timeline. Twisted said you could modify the timeline so i can't judge you. Good start, onwards to insomnia!
guilt free psychiatrict treatment, and all it costs is the most mean diabolical annoying hangover you'll ever have, whatdya say?
*already downing several cases*
*looks*
Because ponies...
HA HA! POINT! YOU GET IT? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
What? It's a horn joke...
Well i'm guessing this is only the tip of it. The jokes are just poking fun at unicorns and frankly i think you haven't pointed out enough yet
Are you kidding me? I do everything for shits and giggles.
Right now i'm in the bathroom Laughing my shit out!
and cue the mindfucking...
Ponies- None of it ma
dekesmuchsensePlease write the next chapter soon!!!
New chapter posted! Also - is it normal to have more favorites than likes? It seems counterintuitive - that is, 'favorite' seems to be a subset of 'like'.
Wow. Mental changes really do f*ck with your reasoning.
Pretty sure it's normal to have more "favorites" than "likes. Favorite is more of a "following" (and used to be named as such) than "I enjoy this story", and can be from curiosity or hoping a story will improve more than a measure of how much people like it. Single chapter one-shots are the only ones that ever have more likes than favorites.
Dads i can understand, moms.... ehhh moms have a tendency go a bit bonkers
Looking good, James is certainly in for a rough time.
3424406, It seems the only way to keep track of story updates is by 'favoriting' it.
'Liking' a fic doesn't allow that one reader any way to find it.
That may seem somewhat counterintuitive, but that's how it works right now.
Wait a minute.
How does this story not have category tags?
3486358
Wait. How do you add those? I added the character tags, is that what you mean?
Oh. Wait, as far as "Sad/Comedy/Slice of Life/Adventure/etc"? Yeah... Not sure what it'll qualify as. Whatcha guys think - Slice of Life?
well... balls....
This needs more views and Thumbs-up because this story is really good.
3488444
Awww, thankee! =3
3491596
You're welcome
"I take this burden of evil upon myself and I will not fear it, for I AM FEAR INCARNATE!" - Konrad Curze
images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20131018200027/warhammer40k/images/d/d5/Konrad_Curze_sketch.jpg
3514732
More like arrogant, self-centered, and believing he knows better than others how to run their lives. He doesn't glory in darkness; he sincerely believes he knows what's best.
Starting to get the picture I'm painting here? ^.^
3519311
Konrad executed people for any single act of crime
And words from my previous comment were said just before starting the exterminatus of his one home-world - Nostramo
images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111007211545/warhammer40k/images/1/11/Destruction_of_Nostramo.jpg
Also, Konrad Curze had split personality and suffered from prophetic dreams (more like prophetic nightmares)
Well, that escalated quickly.
This is getting interesting.
Great chapter, though I suggest inserting a solid line or something to show where the scene changes. It was a bit confusing when everyone here is written in the first person perspective.
3538168
Ah, thanks! I included them in the document, but I guess they didn't save as '***'s.
poor burd.
man sombra!james is super messed up. He should go read that CS Lewis book some more.
Well, I've read the two "Sombra" Five Score takes I'm aware of, and I gotta say I like this one far more. The pacing of this one is better, the reactions of characters involved seem better to me.
It's been enjoyable to read and I look forward to seeing it update again.
3688048
Awww, thanks! Yeah, Christmas and final exams have kicked my plot and devoured my time, fortunately things are calming down now. I've got a good portion of a new chapter written up, but I'm not sure I'm happy with it. I'll be taking a fresh look on Sunday, and pruning and/or building upon as necessary.
Wow, "Sombra" is getting more evil by the minute, and not even realizing it. I wonder if they can get him back to "sanity" , if at all.
Yay! Update!
And wow, he's in for a rough time.
Now the question will be can he remain himself afterwards. Or rather who he was as a human... or will he become Sombra again wholly, or some sort of hybrid of the two?
Either way, Luna is not going to be happy about this, methinks.
You said something that perplexed me this chapter. You said Cadance was the only other Alicorn... what about Twilight Sparkle and Princess Celestia? Did you simply mean your Luna has not encountered either of them yet?
3827725
I'm presuming that she hasn't met up with Twilight just yet...TOOOOTALLY wasn't an oversight on my part, nope! *wonders if he should go back and edit it >.>*
But yeah, I imagine she doesn't know about Celestia yet.
Also, up until a day ago or so, I had no dislikes. Now I have 3. I wonder, are people with multiple accounts voting several times???
3830717
Easy enough to fix. Simply change the wording to "The only other alicorn I have yet encountered" or something similar.
I couldn't tell you if they'd been doing it or not. Sadly I wouldn't put it past some people.
Ah well, fixed now, thanks. And now it works whether she knows about Twilight or not ^.^
3830717 I remember I think someone did that to me when I was starting out. Kept making troll comments and stuff. If there is someone doing that, there probably doing it cause there either a big fan of New Boss, or they just don't like Five Score. Or most likely, it was just a coincidence. On the bright side, should still be proud your story wen't this long without dislikes. In my experience it's pretty rare.
On an unrelated note, I still haven't read this cause I'm either afraid of either...
1. Subconsciously borrowing from this
OR
2. Getting discouraged if this is actually better than mine.
May be when New Boss is done in like a year and a half from now... I'll check this out and see your take on Sombra.
3841362
*noddles* Seems like a good enough theory. When in doubt, blame trolls.
Also, don't feel bad about borrowing - if I hadn't read CS Lewis's works, I probably wouldn't be writing this. Though, by all means, if you think you'll be discouraged avoid reading my story.