• Member Since 27th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Aug 4th, 2013

The Nightmare


I haven't been on here for a while. I believe my writing style has drastically improved and I am so excited to be writing again :)

T

Due to the unpopularity of this story, it has been cancelled.

"And so it was decreed, that each year the twelve districts of Equistria, shall offer up in tribute one young filly and colt, between the ages of 12 and 18, to be trained in the art of survival and to be prepared to fight to the death..."

Young unicorn Twilight Sparkle, in the country of Equistria, is from District Twelve. When her sister, Sweetie Belle, is chosen for the 74th annual Hunger Games, Twilight volunteers as tribute.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 22 )

>Equistria

>Twilight and Sweetie Belle are sisters

>Numerous spelling errors

>No paragraphing

>A lot of the sentences don't make sense


-_-

AMAZING CONCEPT, but, Twilight and Sweetie Belle aren't sisters. No comprehendo. :twilightoops:

Also, paragraphing? Pretty Please? :)

I love The Hunger Games! I haven't finished the book yet but it's pretty good so far!

I have a little bit of criticism for you.

The grammar is pretty poor.
This fanfiction needs paragraphing. It's really boring to read one big paragraph.

And, this first chapter is very similar to the Hunger Games. Great job!
:pinkiehappy:
:heart:

Thanks for the criticism guys! I know Twilight Sparkle and Sweetie Belle aren't sisters, I just couldn't find anyone else that would work. And I really wanted Twilight Sparkle to be like Katniss. I'll use your criticism to make the next chapter better. :twilightsmile:

The first chapter has been edited! If it's bad, I' m sorry, but I'm not good at paragraphing. :/

274412 Hey, :raritystarry: IDDDDEAAAA!

Applejack and Applebloom! It could work :raritywink:

(I was actually going to write this myself with these two, but now I don't want to copy you)

274682n Hmm...that could work. I dunno if I should go through and change it, although that would probably work better then Twilight and Sweetie Belle.

275118 Can I do it?

Damn, there isn't an emoticon for pretty please. :ajbemused:

At first, I was like ":pinkiegasp: It's happened! Yay!"
But I was disappointed with the outcome. Grammar was below average, and some information was incorrect (FYI, Sweetie Belle is NOT Twilight's sister).
Do you mind if I pick up on this idea (with different characters, of course)? I don't want you to think I'm copying you if I use the idea without asking you first.

275359 275187

Both of you can do it. I'm not that great at writing fan fics 'bout ponies either, so go ahead, both of ye. :ajsmug: And if you write them, I'll read them. :pinkiehappy:

275392 Yay! I'm doing Applejack and Applebloom!

275526 I'll be watching for the first chapter! ;D

275540 If I get writing soon, that is. I've been trying to write my story and it's really annoying, and I'm really late to put it up! Hopefully I can get started on it soon though :twilightblush:

And I think I'll have to re-read the story! :derpytongue2:

Look, um, this may seem odd, but is there a chance you might want an editor? I've noticed that you know that your paragraphing isn't that great, and I'm being redundant when I point out that Twilight and Sweetie aren't sisters. Also, you mention Prim a few times, and this is really, REALLY close to the real book. I'll track it, but I really hope that you change some things away from the original book.
Restating: Do you want an editor?

276113 An editor would be nice. :)

The Nightmare, I was going to write something like this, actually a lot like this. Here is the thing I wanted in my Pony Games:

Twilight Sparkle and Sweetie Belle being sisters

Can I have your permission to make this fanfiction possible only I'll change the title (I wasn't gonna name it the Pony Games that'd be too vague) and some of the characters?

Please and thankies! :pinkiehappy:

278713 Er...sure. Some people say I'm too nice for my own good xD Just don't completely copy, 'kay?

I'm still seething with the fact that they used a black & white cat for Buttercup in the movie. :twilightangry2:
CANCELLED!? :raritycry:

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