This Is SoOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!! Such a great Ending to the Trilogy

I love it! Completely amazing! Some sexual stuff, but mixed with a backbone of their past, all ends up into a beautiful, passionate, happy ending. Bravo my friend, bravo

As I said it would be, so it is. I am here.

Having not even started reading yet, I have something to say. To put it nicely, your description needs work. There are several errors throughout, and, to be frank, it looks like you posted it while you were still working on it. Please clean it up, it's quite messy.

Now, to begin...

Write on,
Legion

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I'm feeling nervous. lol
I really never get like this when someone reads my stories.

3325153
Wow. I just realized how... Well... Critical I sounded there. I'm usually much nicer sounding. Ah, well. I'm also 87.4% as random as Discord, so I guess I'm prone to change, eh?

Write on,
Legion

3326283

Thank you. it feels good to know you liked it. LOL

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I put it to mature. i reread all of it, its close enuf. lol

I'm not going to point out the grammar mistakes and typos here. There are too many. I'm sorry, but you REALLY need to find a proofreader.

As for the story itself, three major things that need work come to mind.
1. While at first you were consistent, after awhile you POVs kept changing at random, sometimes in the middle of paragraphs. You went from Cobalt in first person to third person with no explanation.
2. It needs more backstory. Or at least character development. As is, we are stuck with two characters whose entire personalities and relationship we have to gather from a single flashback and from their interactions.
3. There really wasn't much conflict to this. One major rule of writing a good romance fic is that the relationship can't be perfect. There needs to be some conflict or argument somewhere along the way. You did this fairly well in the other story I reviewed for you, but it is non-existent here.

As for the clop... honestly, I don't see how it warrants the mature tag. The scene was so brief and so lacking in description that I didn't even realize it WAS clop until I looked extremely closely. The clop in your other story was better, even if it was short. Of course, maybe this is the way it should work for this fic, seeing as how the focus is less on clop more on romance. But still, I have trouble even viewing it as clop.

All in all, this fic was okay to be honest. It definitely warrants a like.

However, to sum up my points, you have characters we don't know and couldn't really connect with, you lack much detail (honestly, most of the story has blurred together for me, to the point I can barely remember the details), your clop barely counts as clop, and you need a proofreader.

3433273
oh wow i didn't catch those
I'll fix them here soon

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And thank you for taking the time to read this story. It was rated teen at first, but after a couple of threats from some other readers i changed it to mature. Getting back on topic... Yeah i guess i can take some time and go through this again and fix up the obvious mistakes and maybe add some extra details here and there.

Once again thank you for the help.

3433596
No probs!

Very good story. Although I didn't get enough character personality in this story for the OC's, it all in all was quite touching.

The main problem is the POV in this story. It keeps changing from 1st to 3rd. It's best to keep a single POV at all times. It's possible to alternate In special occasions (for example, starting in third but have a flashback where it focuses on one pony in particular.) but other than that it should stay constant. Based on this story, I would suggest 3rd person.

However I digress...
9 out of 10 for romance
8 out of 10 for grammar.
8 out of 10 for overall story.
Good work.

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Thank you That means a lot to me!

3614664
You mean continue with the story?

3614667
Thank you! she is my favorite Oc I made. even though she's a girl she is a lot like me.

3614672
I never thought of a sequel. hmmm
I may continue with the story. Would you like to throw out some ideas you have for this story? anything you liked or you think should of happened?

Heh, Ebony reminds me of my OC Star Blast. They both have the same color scheme and the personality, it was identical to my OC.

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Well Ebony is me as a chick.... so yep

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That.......I'm not sure but I enjoy the story. But seriously, she reminded me of Star Blast. The particular perverted personality. Only difference is that Star has a........taboo love interest towards somepony.

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Nice, but I'm not joking, this story is based off events in my life, just made more funny.

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Ah, a fellow writer who uses his own life events for inspiration.

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yep, the window breaking in the first part of the story, that was me and My brother breaking the window when we got locked out of the house. we ended up figuring out the door was unlocked...

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That moment.
Well my stories were more........based on a darker aspect. Star's taboo interest I mentioned earlier is a real life situation I done.

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The rave scene was way more crazy in real life, and the drugs was not a magical glow stick. Vinyl wasn't there either.

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I can only imagine..........

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And the sex was in a bathroom stall.

3649257
That sounds familiar.

Ughhh.
Dood, I love ocXoc fics, and I think we need more of them, but, my god does this story have its faults.
But, then, what story doesn't?
I'm not repeating what some people said, but you really need to change this to mature.
But, I'll leave a like, as I enjoyed it, off as it was.
Just keep writingg, man, and you'll get better with time.