I'm just a brony trying to write, don't know if I'm good or not, but I will try my best! Also I'm a german, so feel free to tell me when I make mistakes
Ryu wanted to be accepted, in his dispair he prayed to every being in the multiverse to get him out of the hate surrounding him. And his prayers are heard. After a freak accident he finds himself in Equestria, without remembering his name, turned into a pony and just one thought in mind: WTF? When he hears the noises of a fight he ends up saving the life of some ponies. Read and enjoy!
Tagged Crossover because of some heavy references with 'Breath of Fire III'
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It seems that he has incredible knowledge in the magical arts. Now let me see what your mind makes up in order to entertain us.
Did find some grammatical errors but I have faith in you that you will remove them.
3393554 Could you please point them out for me, english is my second language, so I may not be able to find them all. Also 'incredible' is not quiet the right word, it was just a draconic healing spell and a spell that 'burned' the poison out of Lunas Body.
Next Chapter coming up soon. It will go a bit indepth with his abilities, personality and some brief knowledge of his past (only vague). He will meet the mane six and some other stuff. It will be a bit longer.
First dislike! Yay! I was wondering when it would come. Seriously. I was waiting for it.
3393738
It was still able to amaze everyone around him. Which means it was incredible considering it was a spell that even Celestia didn't know about.
And for the rest:
ground and a large white one with a ethereal mane
blue one with a similar mane that looked unconcious, apparently tending it's wounds.
little sister Twilight, a troup of Royal Guards and he as their captain went investigating. When they came to the crash site.
ten guards with a single swipe of its paw.
rammed Princess Luna head on, severely injuring
golden beam at the Ursa Major, literally disintegrating it.
he used his telepathy to speak with it, simply saying:
immediately a golden flame burst out of Twilight's body
She needs to rest now, the flame will vanish when her body is fully healed." As to prove his words the flame suddenly disappeared.
She looked at her sister and channeled her magic energy in her horn, pointing it at Luna.
She immediately felt exhausted
Then, without a warning, Celestia lost consciousness.
it was absolutely deadly, yet this dragon told her sister how to cure this poison.
Turning his face he noticed the dark blue pony.
"I believe he meant me."
I hope that you will remember the words :).
I am not going to correct the spelling issues considering I found some of them aswell. But this should atleast help you for the moment.
3393893 Fixed. Also, the spell is quite common where he comes from, this is some sort of multiverse-thingy, one universe knows things the other universe doesn't know.
3394774 As stated in an earlier comment, yes more will come soon. I'm actually writing on the third chapter at the moment, I will have the second one posted by the end of the week. *grins evilly*
Weird, the update didn't show up for me.
I'm enjoying it but you have a habit of saying the same thing multiple times, otherwise it's rather good
3416560 Still getting used to writing. This is my first story and I never learned how to write in the internet.
First big reference! I wonder who will find it?
No Idea of the reference, but i like what I am reading ! Pleas keep this going. An when you pick up the tips from the comments it will be simply a nearly perfect start
Greetings from Germany. 3ee
3425852
You're a German, too?
3425902
Ok, dass würde die Gramatik "probleme" in deiner Geschichte in ein neues Licht bringen ^^
3426119 Ja ja, ich weiß. Meine Grammatik ist nicht so gut.
Yes, I know. My grammar isn't perfect.
3426586
Aaaach, dass wird schon noch, mir ist es ehrlichgesagt garnicht aufgefallen, mein Englisch ist auch nicht das beste, den Part überlass ich lieber den Leuten in den Comments ;) . Mal davon ab ist das deine erste Fan Fic hier und soweit ich das sehen kann ein guter Start
To be honest, i did not notice the issues at first, my english is not verry good ether, so I leave the correction part to the guy`s in the comments
Away from that, this is your first Fan Fic here as far as I know and for that I think it is a good start.
Mfg 3ee
put out chapter 4 soon plzz
3427057 That will take some time, as I am currently working on two other fics. But I am trying my best.
I have three big issues and several small ones with this story:
The first big issue is the sudden entrance and the fact, that so little was explained
The second is that it seems awfully rushed
The third is that it feels horribly forced
As to the smaller ones:
-princess Luna was downed by a mortal creature
-princess celestia, the oldest fucking thing in the ponyvers is helpless, facing the pending death of her sister,
having to be made aware about the 'incurably poisonous thorn' in her butt
-why the fuck are the protagonists legs not only broken, but shattered, if he falls unconscious right after the
fight, only to be fully healed by the one whose sisters life he just saved?
-why the hell was she even there, if not the rest of the elements of harmony?
-why was the ursa major there at all?
-and why the heck were both corulers AND the captain of the guard AND his sister (and personal protege to princess celestia) ALL there?
the rest of the first chapter was pretty darn good *cough* *cough*
Not bad, am hopeing to have more to read in the future.
3607305 Read the second chapter for some more information, the main char is a alternate version of Ryu from 'Breath of Fire III'. And since when were the starbeasts mortal?
As for the sudden start, that was intended, just so that people could go nuts trying to figure out the background.
EDIT:
I am currently rewriting the story, so maybe you could try reading it again, when I get the first chapters done.
First chapter back online, second chapter in the process of being rewriten.
What does Ten'nō ryū mean in English?
8135957 Emperor of Dragons / Dragon Emperor
You should get the idea.