(Anthro Pony Type)
Rainbow Dash was an only child. A long time ago on one Hearts Warming Eve, her mother had miscarried the one who would have been Rainbow’s baby sister. However, on that night, the young Rainbow Dash knelt down in front of her Hearts Warming Eve tree and offered an earnest prayer:
"Please make my mother well again, and please give me a little sister.”
Years have passed since the lonely Hearts Warming Eve, and Rainbow Dash has nearly forgotten her prayer. Oh just you wait Rainbow, for Santa Hooves hasn't forgotten. It was Hearts Warming Eve once again, and Rainbow was excited for the presents, the parties, and being with her friends. Rainbow Dash headed home after Pinkie’s party only to be greeted with the best unexpected gift of her life… Her sister.
(Authors note: I'm sorry about the last part. I'm just reading, and watching some other things at the same time. Also, I got completely off track from the matter at hand. Again, I’m sorry you guys. Please forgive me).
I felt the story was a little shallow and lacked the large explanatory paragraphs of something that will become really great. There were also a few spelling errors within this story which I find quite noticeable. But other than that it is a great concept with a reasonable back bone to it. Good job.
Hmm... I admit you caught my intrest, but I just happen to notice a few grammar mistakes, however this is greatly written for the story, tracked for further chapters.
Hmm.. This has potential! *tracked*
But, like the last 2 comments said, there are just a few grammar mistakes.. you'd do well with a proofreader!
acknowledged...
Truly wonderful.
man thats sad Rainbows Mom had a miscarriage my Aunt had one 1990 cant wait for the next when is it?
1104372 I'm still researching for an episode... might take me months...
good chapter again cant wait for the next
good chapter sadly I will no longer follow it due to what it has become.
No offense though keep up the awesome work anyhow :D
That reminds me of primark
huh
You have to go allll the way to the top floor for children's cloths
Womens cloths are on the second floor
men's are on the first
I have no idea WTF is happening
there is an anthro tag, isn't there...?
I'm amazed that someone made a pony version of Chocosis, since it's got to be pretty far on the Sliding Scale of Anime Obscurity. Good stuff! :D